Through the eyes of a child....

Yesterday afternoon, when everyone in the house was taking their afternoon siesta, I just walked out in my balcony and saw my 6 yr old cousin intently working on something. On a closer look I saw there was a broken plastic elliptical dish in front of him and he was moulding something with clay. I asked him what was he doing with a broken piece of plastic? He just looked at me and casually replied, 'I am making a boat.' If I, or any other adult in the house had come across it, it would have gone straight to the dust bin. But he created something so simple yet so beautiful out of that piece of junk.

I remembered another incident when one of my other cousin ( 12 yrs old) was just leaving for school one day and he suddenly called out to a third cousin, who is the same age, to look at something. She saw what he was pointing at and was like 'wow'. My uncle went to see what was happening and he could not see the object of their admiration. When asked my cousin said, 'we were just admiring the multicolored pattern that was being formed because of the sunlight falling through the glass window.' The point I am trying to make here is that my cousin could immediately understand what her brother was pointing at, but my uncle needed an explaination for it.

Children have such wonderful imaginations. I absolutely love sitting out with my cousins and listening to them trying to make out some patterns in the clouds. I wonder what happens to us when we grow up. I agree that we tend to be more rational and start thinking logically but why do we loose our imaginations at the same time? In fact I think letting our imaginations run wild is the best way to relax and take a break from everything that is bothering us. I am reminded of a dialogue form one of my favourite movies, Finding Neverland,

"Just a dog? Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's just a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock." Just."

I am just trying to say that wouldnt it be just great if we could all build our own Neverlands and visit it once a while? I am sure all the kids do it. They dont have a logical brain inside them telling them that it is all crap. They live in their own world of fantasies.

I have my own Neverland too and I love to go for a trip there. I can be anything or anyone I want and be with anyone I want. It is so peaceful out there. Just the thought of it clams down my mind and leaves me in a state of blissfull contentment.

Oh I wish I was Peter Pan and would have never grown up and could live in Neverland forever. But like they say 'If wishes were wings, pigs would fly.' Well I don't see any flying pigs around here so I guess it is not going to happen. But I can at least console myself by taking a trip to my Neverland.

Masks...

I had a friend in college, she was famous in the entire college for her short temper. She had some panga with practically all the professors and even the students from neighbouring colleges. She would be upset by the tiniest thing. The other day I was having lunch with her and she got mad at someone for some reason. I as usual reprimanded her for loosing her temper. She looked at me and asked me, 'How in the world do you manage to keep your cool?' I had heard this n number of times earlier from all my friends in college. They would always try to upset or anger me in some way but always failed.

When I got back home, I was pondering over the matter. I tried to do some self-analysis in order to understand why don't I get mad over trivial matter. I didn't have to think for a long time. I realised the reason I am able to keep such a cool head is that I don't care for much for these things. And because I am so detached, I manage to keep my temper in check. In way it is good, but on the other hand doesn't it seem a bit cold? Ok I am not saying that I am like a sage detached from each and every thing in this world. Hell no, I am a normal human being. Well, ok this does not seem to be the appropriate reason.

I guess, I am still connected to everything that is important to me, but also at the same time wear a mask of nonchalance in order to protect myself from getting hurt. The other day I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner but at the last minute she called me and said that she could not make it. At that time I just shrugged it off saying it was no big deal, but it was. I didn't show that though. Each time I am faced with a situation which might make me look vulnerable, an invisible mask covers up my face and no one knows about the plethora of emotions raging inside me. There are times when my eyes betray me, not even the thickest disguise can cover that. But then luckily, no one has the time or patience to look deep into them and try to figure out what is really going on ( I am talking about friends and acquaintances here, can never ever fool my mom).

I just wish, someone would break through this wall once and try to read what is hidden behind it. Sometimes, what we see can be misleading.

Mars and Venus

The other day a friend of mine read the article in which I described how I felt when I found out about how that guy cheated on my friend. He told me that I am too naïve and soft to be upset over such a small thing and that it is a regular occurrence with guys. We had quite a big argument over this. Is it really true? Am I really being naïve in thinking that there are some good people in this world who would never ever hurt anyone like this? Well actually I had kinda ignored that discussion till today.

My friend, whose heart that guy had broken, is recovering slowly. She started seeing this guy; there is nothing romantic between them apart from some flirting. She used to be so happy whenever she talked about him, and it felt good to know that she has found someone. Today, however, she told me that the other guy is acting funny too. He is ignoring her calls and messages. This took my mind back to my previous discussion / argument with my friend. I wonder if she is going to end up with a broken heart again. I hope not. Can the male species really be that heartless and cruel?

But then on the other hand, is it entirely the guys fault? I have heard so many of my friends complain so many times that their boyfriend is not giving them enough time. But then don’t they need a space of their own? Don’t they need to hang out with their own friends too? Ok I have never been on the other side so I am saying from pure theory here, but personally I cannot imagine being with the same person 24 * 7. I would go mad. I need my own space and I am sure the other person too. When I try to tell this to my friends I am greeted with dirty looks, so I just shut up. But then it doesn’t stop me from thinking it. Could it be that the girls themselves drive the guys away? I am not saying it happens in all the cases. Most of the times I know guys get bored and start looking for someone new and interesting. But I know one thing for sure, if someone was always clinging on to me I would back off immediately.

I may be a hopeless romantic, but I prefer being rational and thinking logically. Agreed that there are times you must listen to your heart, but that does not mean you should stop listening to your head completely. I just cannot imagine myself saying those mushy words to someone or even hearing them for that matter. I just wouldn’t have the patience. I like to get straight to the point. And then, I start to wonder if I am being too cold. Am I?

Love letter straight from the heart....

To my dearest,
I tried to get you off my mind but crashed and burned. Why can’t you leave me alone? Why is it that every-time I think about you my eyes start to sparkle and my face breaks into a huge smile which refuses to leave me. I remember each word exchanged between us. I like who I am, when I am around you. We have talked about so many things, some silly some serious and meaningful yet they were all very special to me. You do not treat me any differently than your other friends yet I feel special. A simple hi from you makes my day.
I want you to hold me in your arms, look into my eyes and dance with me forever. Words are un-necessary; let our eyes do the talking.
I don’t know what you think about me, or do you even think about me at all. I would like to believe that one day you will come up to me and ask me to be yours forever and always, yet there is some voice in the corner of my heart that says that it is all a foolish dream and it will go away as soon as I open my eyes, that is why I keep them shut tight.
There have been many crushes in my life before. None of them worked out to anything, but it did not hurt. I always shrugged them off thinking to my self that maybe it wasn’t meant to be. But, it is different with you. Just the thought of not being with you brings a tear to my eye. People say that when you are around a person you love you get all hot and bothered and your heart starts beating faster and you get shy etc. etc. etc. It happened with all the others, not with you though. From the moment I first met you it seems like we have known each other our entire lives. Is it love? I know not. I have never felt this way before. I am so confused.
I would just like to end this by saying:

Late at night when all the world is sleeping

I'd stay up and think of you

And I'd wish on a star

That somewhere you are

thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight

Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be

Then here in my room,

Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me

And I wonder if you know I'm there

If you looked in my eyes

Would you see what's inside?

Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close But so far,

all I have are dreams of you So,

I wait for the day and the courage to say

How much I love you(Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight

Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be

Then here in my room,

Dreaming about you and me

Forever yours,

Dreamy.

PS. The above poem is asong 'Dreaming of you' by Selena

Another day in paradise

A typical day in the life of a software engineer. I am saying this from personal experience and not from the numerous forwards that go around.

1) Log into the machine. Check if there are any important mails. Aaaargh your manager has scheduled a team meeting. That moron!! Does not have anything better to do.

2) Oh what is this!! A mail from the testing people. They have found some new bug. Damn looks like you are going to have some work today.

3) Go to cafeteria to linger over a cup of coffee.

4) Come back to the desk. Yipee there are some forwards......Boring you have already read them Yawn!

5) Ok better get to that bug. Oh wait someone is online. Lets just chat for a while.

6) Back to the bug, hey looks like this was not a problem after all. Screw you testers!!

7) Oh lunch time already. Damn no place in the cafeteria, oh well lets sit in the library and wait for a table to get empty.

8) Hey finally got a place. Yawn...feeling sleepy. Go for a walk.

9) Oh crap!! meeting!!! need to wake up.

10) In a dreamland while the manager is talking about some stuff. Wondering what he/she is doing now and hoping that they come online. Why is it that when you have nothing to do nobody is online???!!!???

11) Hey meeting over...finally!! Coffee break.

12) Staring blankly at the screen..Maybe if you concentrate hard enough you might be able to control it with your mind!! Worth a try isnt it??

13) Someone needs you help. SOME WORK!!!! FINALLY!!!!

14) Oh that was a minor issue. Glad you could help.

15) Hey what do you know. Time to leave.

Ctrl + Alt + Del + Enter

There are some days when I dont have much to do in the office, maybe some minor things yeah, but not anything great.
Today was one such day. So I decided to go through one of my favourite blogs written by a friend of mine. In one of his entries he had given the perfect description of a person's reactions when confronted with someone they have some special feelings for. It took me back to a conversation both of us were having a couple of days back on a similar topic. About that feeling of discomfort when we come face to face with someone we have a 'crush' on.
Well I was just wondering, why is it that we feel so uncomfortable and start acting like complete idiots? I have been there too. Cant string a sentence together, your throat feels dry, your ears turn red etc. etc. etc. Shouldnt it be the exact opposite? Shouldnt it be like the first time you meet that person and it feels as if you have known each other for a lifetime? You should feel most comfy around them. I mean whats the point of being with someone who makes you feel awkward? But then I think I am getting confused between a 'crush' and 'love' or not!!!
But still it is wierd isnt it? You might have been friends with a person forever and you have had the best times with him/her. But the moment the feelings from your side or the other person's side get deeper things become difficult. Why? Neither of you have changed then where does the awkwardness come from?
I still remember my first crush in school. Damn the moment he came in front of me I could never think straight. I used to love to hang out with him, and we have had some great times together. But there were times when I behaved like a complete idiot around him. But now, now that he has someone in his life, I am so much at ease with him. I have not seen him for a long time now, but the last time I met him it was like meeting an old and a good friend. It felt good. I felt free. I have tried to analyse it so many times but always hit a blank wall. I just dont get it, probably never will.

Beyond the traditions....

Our is a country famous for its deep rooted culture and age old traditions, which have been going on for centuries. We have come a long way but some things have not changed.

Today, people all around the country will be celebrating 'Ananth Chaturdashi' which marks the end of the 'Ganesh Chaturti' festival. It is the 11th and the final day of the festival. It is today, that all the Ganesh idols that people bring in their homes/societies at the beginning of Ganeshotsav are immersed in various water bodies. Many people perform this ritual earlier but by this day everyone immerses their idols. I had gone too. But as those people were immersing the idols in the water, all I could think of was how much dirt and grime they are putting in the river. Imagine hundreds and thousands of idols being drowned in the water. The soluble stuff will eventually become a part of the water and the rest will keep floating and might land up at some shore or maybe in some poor fish's stomach. Yeah yea this has been happening for a long time, but first of all in those days there were not so many idols and secondly people were not all that aware. But what about now? Can we really afford to pollute our rivers/lakes/seas this way? I am sure 80% of the people are doing it because this is the way it has always been. But dont they ever stop to think what are they doing to the environment? These days there are so many campaigns going on for protecting the environment. But does anyone really care? If they pass a law against it there will be a huge cry and lots of protests. But then change for the betterment is good right? I mean didnt they eventually ban parctices like sati and child marriage? I wish they would ban this too or at least restrict it! I guess in case of sati or child marriage people raised their voices because it was affecting them directly, but in this case they are not seeing the immediate effects of their actions. Aaaaargh I felt like shaking those people and asking them to wake up.

Diwali is also the same. In this we are polluting the air. Hey even I love those rockets which burst into bright colorful stars but at the same time I cant help but feel that pinch. I just cannot light fire crackers these days.

Oh damn it is there any solution to this!!!!