Friday, December 21, 2007
The movie is about a kid who suffers from dyslexia and his struggle to find himself in the masses. Makes you wonder about the mentality of the people and how most of them live their lives like robots. That is how everyone has been trained, when you are a kid you have to go to school. Once you reach the tenth standard you become a part of a never ending rat race. First, it is to excel in the board exams and get admission in a good junior college. Then if you think you are free from it once the boards are over, the competitive exams and the 12th boards soon follow and you are in the race to get into a good professional college. And once that is over you are fighting to get a good job or a good PG college.
Once you are out in the corporate world you are fighting to earn as much as you can when you still have the chance to climb the ladder pushing the others aside. Where does it finally end? When you die? What do you get in the end?
Then there is another breed of people. Those who do not want to be a part of this system. Their mind works in a different direction and they live in a world of their own. A world which is far removed from this one. They are happy there, content. But for some reason that is not acceptable by the people around them. They cannot tolerate the fact that someone among them thinks differently from them, does not want what they want. So, they try to force the person into behaving like them. Everyone wants a child who gets good grades, does well in sports or some other extra-curricular activity etc. etc. They want their kid to be perfect.
But, what is 'perfect' ? A dictionary defines 'perfect' as being complete of its kind and without any blemish. I ask again, what is perfect? Does getting straight A's and topping a class in every subject makes on perfect? Does having 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 nose make you perfect? Perfection is something that is defined by this society. By 'the others' as one of my friends like to call them. But my definition of perfect may be different from someone else. People just blindly follow what is put in front of them, and if someone tries to defy that, he/she is labeled as a 'freak'. Just because a person does not get 95% in an exam does not mean he/she is dumb.
I had the pleasure of knowing one such Angel. She was my schoolmates little sister. She was suffering from 'Downs Syndrome'. She was such a little darling. I can never forget her sweet innocent face. The way she would just come and hug you when she thought you were mad at her for something. I can never forget the time when I had the honor of receiving one such hug. It was the sweetest, the best hug I ever got.
Sometimes I think people like Angel are the most happiest. They like others dont care about what people think of them. They do not understand the 'rules' nor do they wish to. They are happy in their world, but most of them are not allowed to. I wish for once people will breakthrough this concept of 'society' and live for themselves and let others live too.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Ever since I got up this morning there was a strange uneasiness inside me. As the time passed by at one point I felt as if my heart was breaking. I felt like going someplace all by myself and close my eyes and stay there forever. It’s really strange. But looks like someone up there didn’t want me to be blue J. After dinner my mom was watching some serial on TV and there is this scene in which a teacher is giving some advice to her student. Listening to those words it felt as if they were said just for me. It instantly eased up the pain that was wrenching my heart. And then to top it off as I was surfing through the various channels, I saw a dance program. Watching those people swaying to the beautiful tunes of the Waltz, Salsa, Tango etc. cheered me up instantly. There is something about dancing which makes you forget about everything else and lifts your mood instantly. I know I might not be able to put on my dancing shoes for another month or two but watching those dancers floating across the floor made me feel as if I was back home dancing the evening away. For a moment I had a strange feeling as if all of this was done especially for me to cheer me up.
I don’t know if it is true or like people say its my overactive imagination running in hyperdrive, but whatever it is, I feel so much better now. Feel like dancing like there is no tomorrow. I know I know its not possible at the moment, what the heck I can do it in my mind and be happy about it right.
So a big thank you to the big guy up there. Thank you for being there for me. I love you.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
My dad started his career in Bhopal as an engineer in BHEL, soon after college. Quite a few more college freshers had joined with him, so naturally they kinda came together and formed a group. Most of them were out of towners, young, bachelors, need I say anything more. Dad was the first one to get married in the group so obviously my mom was the favourite bhabhi. Even today when she remembers those times, her eyes get a faraway wistful look. They had such a great time together. Once she told me that there were so many times that all the others from the gang would just turn up at the house at midnight after a late night movie and ask her to cook them dinner as they were starving. In those days she would get annoyed at them but now she would give anything to get all of it back.
Eventually all of them got married and then of course we kids came along and became close friends. We were all like a big family, living in different houses. Weekends were never dull and were never spent at home. We celebrated all the festivals and other national holidays together. Usually we would all gather at one person’s place for a pool dinner, light a campfire, if it was winters and spend the night singing and dancing and laughing and eating. There was some special bond that held us all together. A group outing on the 15th of August and 26th of January was a must.
And Holi, oh man, everyone was crazy. A couple of weeks before holi, on a Sunday, we would all go out on a picnic and gather those special flowers which bloom only during this time ( I don’t remember its name). I used to call them holi flowers and we were supposed to make colours from them. We tried it every year, it never turned out the way we wanted it to be but still it was an adventure. On the day of holi we would all be wearing our whites and gather at someone’s house. We would play till late afternoon screaming and shouting and running and come home black ( the men’s kurtas were usually torn to rags by this time) have a leisurely lunch and fall into our beds and sleep like logs.
I remember once we had all gone for a tour of the state in our cars. I was a kid at that time so don’t remember the places we visited but I do remember visiting some forts and monuments and remember that we drove around the entire night. No-one was tired and nobody wanted to stop. We were all together and that was all that mattered.
There are so many incidents, some insignificantly small others not so. I don’t think this space is enough for all those memories. The details of each moment are etched so clearly in my mind. I still remember the moment when my dad told me that we were moving. I refused to believe him initially, I thought he was kidding. I remember crying myself to sleep in the nights. I never told my parents how much it hurt me to leave all of it behind; I knew it pained them too. We had a grand farewell party, a trip to Manali. I don’t think I can ever forget that. It was our last outing together.
Even today when we talk to them, it does not feel like we have not met each other for ages. We just pick up from where we left off. The entire group is scattered all over the world now, but we are still there for each other, still keep in touch. Last winter we were in Bhopal again, unfortunately I reached a day after my parents. They had a big get together on the previous night and were up all night talking. No body felt like going home. Even now as I write about it, my heart feels heavy and all those times come rushing back to me. We all have different lives now but still there is something that holds us all together. I have my own day to day routine to keep me busy but during these festive times which one should spend with the family, those memories come back to haunt me and I wish I could turn back the sands of time. I don’t think I have the strength to continue anymore. All I can say at this point is:
Gates of memories will never close,
How much we miss our friends no-body knows,
Days will pass like years,
We will remember the memories in silent tears.
Friday, November 2, 2007
She was around 2 feet tall, had bright intelligent eyes, light brown hair and she walked with a grace that would put a cat to shame. She had a pride of a Queen but yet she was very approachable and made friends with everyone ranging from small kids to old uncles and aunties. But she could be very ferocious if you made her cross. The bravest souls would crumble before her if she was mad. She was the darling of our entire colony; we called her ‘Cookie’. She was the grandest street dog I have had the chance to come across.
She did not belong to one family in particular; she belonged to our entire lane. She would walk with us to our school (which happened to be very close) and hang around there the whole day playing with the kids during break time, then walk back with us once the school was over. My friend and I used to go for long walks in the mornings and evenings, she would accompany us then too. We would feel safe with her around us. Boy was she possessive. If we showered our attentions on any other street dog, she would not do anything while we were around but once our backs were turned that dog would get it. The most ferocious of dogs were scared of her and treated her with reverence. It embarrasses me to say it but my dog is a big time coward. Sometimes even a cat would scare him. He showed that he was jealous of cookie whenever we paid her any attention but definitely felt stronger with her around when we used to take him for walks. He would turn from a rat to a tiger in her presence.
We used to keep our gate bolted to prevent all the other street dogs from entering, but she would elegantly open it and stroll in and perch herself on the seat in the yard. If she saw something outside that she had to be a part of she would deftly jump over the wall and be outside in a jiffy. My dog would be left behind wondering stupidly ‘how in the world did she manage such a Herculean task’.
Gosh I miss her! Last year my brother visited our old home and he saw her. He said that she had grown old and weak now and did not recognize him. She was never the over affectionate type of dog who would start licking every part of your body their tongue gets access to, but she did not show a single sign of recognition when he approached her. Not even a wag of her tail. Then one day my brother called and said that one of his friends informed him that she passed away. I didn’t know what to say. I cannot imagine her as a weak dying dog. She would always be the extraordinary super dog to me and that is how I remember her and always will. Maybe she is out there somewhere in the doggy heaven amazing the others up there. I love you cookie.
Sometimes I wonder if people thrive on sadness. There is this friend of mine, she is a very nice person and everything, but sometimes I get the feeling that she enjoys being in the state of depression. She is an amazing writer and writes lovely poems. She loves to read others blogs too and keeps sending me the links of what she likes the best and I have found that most of the times the blogs she likes are way too depressing even to read. I understand people who have written them have done it as a way to deal with the pain in their lives and I have no issues with that. In fact there is no better way to let go of all the emotions whirling inside you but I don’t see why she has to pick out these specific blogs to read and worse share them with me. I have tried to tell her so many times, directly and indirectly that I don’t like reading such sob stories but that does not stop her from sending me.
I am not being insensitive towards other people’s misery and I do sympathize with them, and once in a while it is nice to read such blogs because I think it is when people are in pain they pour their heart out in their writing and their inner emotions come out. But it gets kinda annoying when she keeps sending me these links consistently. But then I guess she goes through such stuff because she is going through a rough phase in her life and I dunno maybe by reading these articles she can related to those people and be assured that there is someone else out there who has been through the same things as her. On the other hand though, wouldn’t it be better to read something funny, something lively and positive to take your mind off it? By reading such unpleasant stuff isn’t she distressing herself more?
When I am feeling blue, and I have said it before, I like to think about all my favorite things to get my mind off the thing that is hurting me not dwell over it. I try to send her cheerful articles but she just doesn’t seem to take to them. It’s like she has given up on life and the chance of happiness. She has started believing that she does not deserve to be happy and if by mistake something comes along that will make her life beautiful, it will be snatched away from her soon. I have tried to talk to her so many times, even scolded her at times. I wish there was some other way I could help her out. Put her out of her misery.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
The other day a friend of mine read the article in which I described how I felt when I found out about how that guy cheated on my friend. He told me that I am too naïve and soft to be upset over such a small thing and that it is a regular occurrence with guys. We had quite a big argument over this. Is it really true? Am I really being naïve in thinking that there are some good people in this world who would never ever hurt anyone like this? Well actually I had kinda ignored that discussion till today.
My friend, whose heart that guy had broken, is recovering slowly. She started seeing this guy; there is nothing romantic between them apart from some flirting. She used to be so happy whenever she talked about him, and it felt good to know that she has found someone. Today, however, she told me that the other guy is acting funny too. He is ignoring her calls and messages. This took my mind back to my previous discussion / argument with my friend. I wonder if she is going to end up with a broken heart again. I hope not. Can the male species really be that heartless and cruel?
But then on the other hand, is it entirely the guys fault? I have heard so many of my friends complain so many times that their boyfriend is not giving them enough time. But then don’t they need a space of their own? Don’t they need to hang out with their own friends too? Ok I have never been on the other side so I am saying from pure theory here, but personally I cannot imagine being with the same person 24 * 7. I would go mad. I need my own space and I am sure the other person too. When I try to tell this to my friends I am greeted with dirty looks, so I just shut up. But then it doesn’t stop me from thinking it. Could it be that the girls themselves drive the guys away? I am not saying it happens in all the cases. Most of the times I know guys get bored and start looking for someone new and interesting. But I know one thing for sure, if someone was always clinging on to me I would back off immediately.
I may be a hopeless romantic, but I prefer being rational and thinking logically. Agreed that there are times you must listen to your heart, but that does not mean you should stop listening to your head completely. I just cannot imagine myself saying those mushy words to someone or even hearing them for that matter. I just wouldn’t have the patience. I like to get straight to the point. And then, I start to wonder if I am being too cold. Am I?
Thursday, October 11, 2007
I tried to get you off my mind but crashed and burned. Why can’t you leave me alone? Why is it that every-time I think about you my eyes start to sparkle and my face breaks into a huge smile which refuses to leave me. I remember each word exchanged between us. I like who I am, when I am around you. We have talked about so many things, some silly some serious and meaningful yet they were all very special to me. You do not treat me any differently than your other friends yet I feel special. A simple hi from you makes my day.
I want you to hold me in your arms, look into my eyes and dance with me forever. Words are un-necessary; let our eyes do the talking.
I don’t know what you think about me, or do you even think about me at all. I would like to believe that one day you will come up to me and ask me to be yours forever and always, yet there is some voice in the corner of my heart that says that it is all a foolish dream and it will go away as soon as I open my eyes, that is why I keep them shut tight.
There have been many crushes in my life before. None of them worked out to anything, but it did not hurt. I always shrugged them off thinking to my self that maybe it wasn’t meant to be. But, it is different with you. Just the thought of not being with you brings a tear to my eye. People say that when you are around a person you love you get all hot and bothered and your heart starts beating faster and you get shy etc. etc. etc. It happened with all the others, not with you though. From the moment I first met you it seems like we have known each other our entire lives. Is it love? I know not. I have never felt this way before. I am so confused.
I would just like to end this by saying:
PS. The above poem is asong 'Dreaming of you' by Selena
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Today was one such day. So I decided to go through one of my favourite blogs written by a friend of mine. In one of his entries he had given the perfect description of a person's reactions when confronted with someone they have some special feelings for. It took me back to a conversation both of us were having a couple of days back on a similar topic. About that feeling of discomfort when we come face to face with someone we have a 'crush' on.
Well I was just wondering, why is it that we feel so uncomfortable and start acting like complete idiots? I have been there too. Cant string a sentence together, your throat feels dry, your ears turn red etc. etc. etc. Shouldnt it be the exact opposite? Shouldnt it be like the first time you meet that person and it feels as if you have known each other for a lifetime? You should feel most comfy around them. I mean whats the point of being with someone who makes you feel awkward? But then I think I am getting confused between a 'crush' and 'love' or not!!!
But still it is wierd isnt it? You might have been friends with a person forever and you have had the best times with him/her. But the moment the feelings from your side or the other person's side get deeper things become difficult. Why? Neither of you have changed then where does the awkwardness come from?
I still remember my first crush in school. Damn the moment he came in front of me I could never think straight. I used to love to hang out with him, and we have had some great times together. But there were times when I behaved like a complete idiot around him. But now, now that he has someone in his life, I am so much at ease with him. I have not seen him for a long time now, but the last time I met him it was like meeting an old and a good friend. It felt good. I felt free. I have tried to analyse it so many times but always hit a blank wall. I just dont get it, probably never will.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
"Look, I guarantee that we'll have tough times. And I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart, you're the only one for me." - The Runaway Bride
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
Before I start off, I just want to say that I respect all the religions equally and am not trying to hurt anyone's beliefs of sentiments. I would just like to express my views on this subject. I am not an atheist ( as most people think ). I truly belive that there is some supreme power above us, looking after us, giving us strength in the tough times, giving us joy, and just being there for us when we need him. But still there is a part of me which just cannot accept some things.
Let me give an example. The other day during lunch time my aunt realised that the dabbawala had not come to collect my cousin's lunch. It was too late for anyone to go and give it to them. She was so upset, she could not eat her lunch thinking that her children would be hungry in school. Now think about this. Whenever I see my aunts and grandma praying towards the end they always say "Twameva mata, pitah twameva, twameva bandhu, sakha twameva" ( you are my mother, you are my father, you are my partner, you are my best friend). And yet they have these customs of fasting for an entire day for various things. My aunt could not bear to eat her food when her kids were hungry, then what about God? Wont he feel anything when he sees his children are going hungry? As a kid I never had to beg in front of my parents if I wanted something. I just had to tell them and if they thoughts my demands were not very unreasonable they would get it for me. Then why does everyone beg and plead and make deals with God? "Oh God I will stay hungry for x number of days, please give me a good husband." or " God I will visit your temple everyday, please make me successful." He is probably the only one who loves us unconditionally. He doesnt want anything in return, other than love. People travel long distances to visit the places of worship. They go on teerthyatras in search of peace and salvation. How do they manage to get that in the midst of a huge crowd is still a mystery to me. They hardly get a glimpse of the idol but still think that their journey has been successfull. They bribe the priests to stay a little while longer in front of the idol. I feel its all for namesake these days.I wonder how many of these people truly belive in all this.
I cannot look for God in clay idols no matter how beautiful they are. When I am upset or tensed, I just close my eyes, imagine a source o light, strong and shining bright. I tell him "Dear God, this is what has been troubling me. I am not going to be worried over it. It is your headache please take care of it for me." And he does! When I am feeling sad, I tell him "I dont want to be sad, please take away my tears", and they disappear. He is my father, mother, brother, sister, my best friend.
But then again, these is my POV. Maybe I am right, maybe I am wrong. I dont know. I just do what my heart tells me to.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Just the other day I was lamenting about my lack of interaction with mother nature and the opportunity landed in my lap yesterday . I had gone for an outing to Bhimashankar with my colleagues. The experience was out of this world. The beauty of nature never ceases to amaze me. We were walking up the hill, with cool breeze blowing around us and small streams of water beneath our feet. I think the sound of a flowing brook has to be the most soothing sound in the world. One can lie down for hours and listen to it. That's just what I felt like doing. The forest cover was so thick. We did not go inside the actual jungle, but the view! It is hard to explain in words. The hills were totally covered in the blanket of green. Sun rays were filtering through the clouds, which would sometimes cover it up completely.
For a moment I was actually worried that my lungs will not be able to stand the pure air for a long time, they are so used to breathing in the pollution everyday . But luckily for me, they survived. The best part came later though. After we had come down and everyone was just sitting around having a cup of tea, the clouds started rolling in. We were surrounded by a thick fog from all sides. There was no way I could sit inside the tea joint no matter how exhausted I was. I rushed outside, closed my eyes and just embraced the swirling mist. I was in heaven *sigh*, my own Neverland.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
On the other hand what about the film stars? Now consider the Sanjay Dutt case or even the Salman Khan case that is going on. Sanjay Dutt was involved in the Mumbai bomb blasts which killed so many people. Salman Khan charged for killing wild animals and running over someone sleeping on the footpath. What these guys did ended in taking innocent lives. Yet, they seem to have the full support of the nation. People are praying for their release. Why? Just because they are huge stars? Does this justify their actions?
Hell, we loose a measly match and people take is as a personal insult! On the other hand, their countrymen are dying for no fault of their own and the offenders are walking free while the mass is upholding them. How can people be such hypocrites!
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is so easy to tell others what to do and how to behave, but we all tend to forget our own fundas sometimes. And usually these are the times when they are really needed. These are the times we need to remember to Practice what we preach.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round?
Do you run through each day On the fly?
Ever told your child,
When you run so fast
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
How many of us open the newspaper everyday and take a look at the Daily Horoscopes column? I am sure almost everyone would deny that they do any such thing. They will say that they dont believe in it, but, somewhere inside there is a part of them which thinks 'What if it is all true?', 'What if it really works?' . I guess the reason why this 'Fortune telling' is getting so famous these days is because people are impatient. They dont want to live in the present. They want to know what will be their fate probably 10 yrs down the line or even till the end of the day. What I dont understand is that why cant they just let it be? Life has so many surprises in store for us. Why cant they let it unravel it as the time goes by? What is the fun in living if you know what is going to happen to you in the next moment?
And it is not just for the future that people look into them. People look into the love compatibility issues. I bet if they spent half as much time (which they spend on going to various fortune tellers and gypsies) spending some quality time with their partner, they would have a happy, successful relationship.
I believe all our fates are already decided and there is nothing we can do to change it. So instead of finding out what is going to happen to us and how can we avoid the unfavourable circumstances that we might come across we should live in the moment. Enjoy every day like it is the last. What we dont know cannot hurt us right? ;)
Like he lyrics of the song "The dance" by Garth Brooks go:
And now I am glad I didn't know,
The way it all would end, the way it all would go,
Our lives, are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd had to miss the dance.