Today I went to watch 'Taare Zamein Par' with my colleagues. It is such a realistic, simple story told beautiful. Something which I am sure if not many at least some percentage of the people can relate to. It is a kind of story that makes you think about the human nature, and society in general.
The movie is about a kid who suffers from dyslexia and his struggle to find himself in the masses. Makes you wonder about the mentality of the people and how most of them live their lives like robots. That is how everyone has been trained, when you are a kid you have to go to school. Once you reach the tenth standard you become a part of a never ending rat race. First, it is to excel in the board exams and get admission in a good junior college. Then if you think you are free from it once the boards are over, the competitive exams and the 12th boards soon follow and you are in the race to get into a good professional college. And once that is over you are fighting to get a good job or a good PG college.
Once you are out in the corporate world you are fighting to earn as much as you can when you still have the chance to climb the ladder pushing the others aside. Where does it finally end? When you die? What do you get in the end?
Then there is another breed of people. Those who do not want to be a part of this system. Their mind works in a different direction and they live in a world of their own. A world which is far removed from this one. They are happy there, content. But for some reason that is not acceptable by the people around them. They cannot tolerate the fact that someone among them thinks differently from them, does not want what they want. So, they try to force the person into behaving like them. Everyone wants a child who gets good grades, does well in sports or some other extra-curricular activity etc. etc. They want their kid to be perfect.
But, what is 'perfect' ? A dictionary defines 'perfect' as being complete of its kind and without any blemish. I ask again, what is perfect? Does getting straight A's and topping a class in every subject makes on perfect? Does having 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 nose make you perfect? Perfection is something that is defined by this society. By 'the others' as one of my friends like to call them. But my definition of perfect may be different from someone else. People just blindly follow what is put in front of them, and if someone tries to defy that, he/she is labeled as a 'freak'. Just because a person does not get 95% in an exam does not mean he/she is dumb.
I had the pleasure of knowing one such Angel. She was my schoolmates little sister. She was suffering from 'Downs Syndrome'. She was such a little darling. I can never forget her sweet innocent face. The way she would just come and hug you when she thought you were mad at her for something. I can never forget the time when I had the honor of receiving one such hug. It was the sweetest, the best hug I ever got.
Sometimes I think people like Angel are the most happiest. They like others dont care about what people think of them. They do not understand the 'rules' nor do they wish to. They are happy in their world, but most of them are not allowed to. I wish for once people will breakthrough this concept of 'society' and live for themselves and let others live too.

I mentioned in my previous post how watching dancing can cheer one up. You know what...screw that...

when watching on TV i guess yea but when there is music being played and people all around you are moving to the rythm and all you can do is sit and watch...well there is nothing more torturing than that. that is what happened to me today. A friend of mine had invited me to a latin party. Initially I refuesd as there would be no point going for a dance party with a broken leg but in the end she wore me down and there I was sitting on the chair looking at guys and gals swaying to the rythms of salsa, samba, jive, cha-cha, rumba, merengue..and all i could do was curse my broken leg and drown myself in self pity...

but i had not counted on Aniruddha. he was the first guy i ever danced properly with and abs enjoy dancing with. he knew how bad i was feeling about not being able to dance...i was just sitting on the chair with him in front of me when he suddenly got up and offered me his hand..i was staring at him for a whole minute...he extended his hand again and all i could say "Are you crazy? You do know that I have a broken leg right and that I wont be able to put my weight on that". He just smiled and said dont worry I will take care of it...man was i torn....my heart was telling me to jump up and go ahead but the head was holding me back...in the end my heart won..i took his hand and he led me to the floor...and we danced!!! sigh..as luck would have it..they played a rumba and a cha-cha number, both my favourite dances, at that moment...i wouldnt say tht i danced well or anything..hell i will hardly moving my feet...just shuffling them and like he promised he took care that i am not putting my weight on the broken foot..

it was not a proper dance..but for me at that moment it was bliss...he gave me the whole world in that moment...i dont mean to be melodramatic but my heart was actually overflowing with happiness and I was on cloud #9....

Thanks Ani, thank you so much for what you gave me.... :)

Letter to the void...

Dear void,
Ever since I got up this morning there was a strange uneasiness inside me. As the time passed by at one point I felt as if my heart was breaking. I felt like going someplace all by myself and close my eyes and stay there forever. It’s really strange. But looks like someone up there didn’t want me to be blue J. After dinner my mom was watching some serial on TV and there is this scene in which a teacher is giving some advice to her student. Listening to those words it felt as if they were said just for me. It instantly eased up the pain that was wrenching my heart. And then to top it off as I was surfing through the various channels, I saw a dance program. Watching those people swaying to the beautiful tunes of the Waltz, Salsa, Tango etc. cheered me up instantly. There is something about dancing which makes you forget about everything else and lifts your mood instantly. I know I might not be able to put on my dancing shoes for another month or two but watching those dancers floating across the floor made me feel as if I was back home dancing the evening away. For a moment I had a strange feeling as if all of this was done especially for me to cheer me up.
I don’t know if it is true or like people say its my overactive imagination running in hyperdrive, but whatever it is, I feel so much better now. Feel like dancing like there is no tomorrow. I know I know its not possible at the moment, what the heck I can do it in my mind and be happy about it right.
So a big thank you to the big guy up there. Thank you for being there for me. I love you.

Dreamy

I have stayed in quite a few places till now but the one place I treasure the most above all is Bhopal. There is nothing special about the city as such that stays in my mind, like Goa, but it is the good times that I had there that remain with me forever.
My dad started his career in Bhopal as an engineer in BHEL, soon after college. Quite a few more college freshers had joined with him, so naturally they kinda came together and formed a group. Most of them were out of towners, young, bachelors, need I say anything more. Dad was the first one to get married in the group so obviously my mom was the favourite bhabhi. Even today when she remembers those times, her eyes get a faraway wistful look. They had such a great time together. Once she told me that there were so many times that all the others from the gang would just turn up at the house at midnight after a late night movie and ask her to cook them dinner as they were starving. In those days she would get annoyed at them but now she would give anything to get all of it back.
Eventually all of them got married and then of course we kids came along and became close friends. We were all like a big family, living in different houses. Weekends were never dull and were never spent at home. We celebrated all the festivals and other national holidays together. Usually we would all gather at one person’s place for a pool dinner, light a campfire, if it was winters and spend the night singing and dancing and laughing and eating. There was some special bond that held us all together. A group outing on the 15th of August and 26th of January was a must.
And Holi, oh man, everyone was crazy. A couple of weeks before holi, on a Sunday, we would all go out on a picnic and gather those special flowers which bloom only during this time ( I don’t remember its name). I used to call them holi flowers and we were supposed to make colours from them. We tried it every year, it never turned out the way we wanted it to be but still it was an adventure. On the day of holi we would all be wearing our whites and gather at someone’s house. We would play till late afternoon screaming and shouting and running and come home black ( the men’s kurtas were usually torn to rags by this time) have a leisurely lunch and fall into our beds and sleep like logs.
I remember once we had all gone for a tour of the state in our cars. I was a kid at that time so don’t remember the places we visited but I do remember visiting some forts and monuments and remember that we drove around the entire night. No-one was tired and nobody wanted to stop. We were all together and that was all that mattered.
There are so many incidents, some insignificantly small others not so. I don’t think this space is enough for all those memories. The details of each moment are etched so clearly in my mind. I still remember the moment when my dad told me that we were moving. I refused to believe him initially, I thought he was kidding. I remember crying myself to sleep in the nights. I never told my parents how much it hurt me to leave all of it behind; I knew it pained them too. We had a grand farewell party, a trip to Manali. I don’t think I can ever forget that. It was our last outing together.
Even today when we talk to them, it does not feel like we have not met each other for ages. We just pick up from where we left off. The entire group is scattered all over the world now, but we are still there for each other, still keep in touch. Last winter we were in Bhopal again, unfortunately I reached a day after my parents. They had a big get together on the previous night and were up all night talking. No body felt like going home. Even now as I write about it, my heart feels heavy and all those times come rushing back to me. We all have different lives now but still there is something that holds us all together. I have my own day to day routine to keep me busy but during these festive times which one should spend with the family, those memories come back to haunt me and I wish I could turn back the sands of time. I don’t think I have the strength to continue anymore. All I can say at this point is:

Gates of memories will never close,
How much we miss our friends no-body knows,
Days will pass like years,
We will remember the memories in silent tears.

She was around 2 feet tall, had bright intelligent eyes, light brown hair and she walked with a grace that would put a cat to shame. She had a pride of a Queen but yet she was very approachable and made friends with everyone ranging from small kids to old uncles and aunties. But she could be very ferocious if you made her cross. The bravest souls would crumble before her if she was mad. She was the darling of our entire colony; we called her ‘Cookie’. She was the grandest street dog I have had the chance to come across.

She did not belong to one family in particular; she belonged to our entire lane. She would walk with us to our school (which happened to be very close) and hang around there the whole day playing with the kids during break time, then walk back with us once the school was over. My friend and I used to go for long walks in the mornings and evenings, she would accompany us then too. We would feel safe with her around us. Boy was she possessive. If we showered our attentions on any other street dog, she would not do anything while we were around but once our backs were turned that dog would get it. The most ferocious of dogs were scared of her and treated her with reverence. It embarrasses me to say it but my dog is a big time coward. Sometimes even a cat would scare him. He showed that he was jealous of cookie whenever we paid her any attention but definitely felt stronger with her around when we used to take him for walks. He would turn from a rat to a tiger in her presence.

We used to keep our gate bolted to prevent all the other street dogs from entering, but she would elegantly open it and stroll in and perch herself on the seat in the yard. If she saw something outside that she had to be a part of she would deftly jump over the wall and be outside in a jiffy. My dog would be left behind wondering stupidly ‘how in the world did she manage such a Herculean task’.

Gosh I miss her! Last year my brother visited our old home and he saw her. He said that she had grown old and weak now and did not recognize him. She was never the over affectionate type of dog who would start licking every part of your body their tongue gets access to, but she did not show a single sign of recognition when he approached her. Not even a wag of her tail. Then one day my brother called and said that one of his friends informed him that she passed away. I didn’t know what to say. I cannot imagine her as a weak dying dog. She would always be the extraordinary super dog to me and that is how I remember her and always will. Maybe she is out there somewhere in the doggy heaven amazing the others up there. I love you cookie.

Sometimes I wonder if people thrive on sadness. There is this friend of mine, she is a very nice person and everything, but sometimes I get the feeling that she enjoys being in the state of depression. She is an amazing writer and writes lovely poems. She loves to read others blogs too and keeps sending me the links of what she likes the best and I have found that most of the times the blogs she likes are way too depressing even to read. I understand people who have written them have done it as a way to deal with the pain in their lives and I have no issues with that. In fact there is no better way to let go of all the emotions whirling inside you but I don’t see why she has to pick out these specific blogs to read and worse share them with me. I have tried to tell her so many times, directly and indirectly that I don’t like reading such sob stories but that does not stop her from sending me.

I am not being insensitive towards other people’s misery and I do sympathize with them, and once in a while it is nice to read such blogs because I think it is when people are in pain they pour their heart out in their writing and their inner emotions come out. But it gets kinda annoying when she keeps sending me these links consistently. But then I guess she goes through such stuff because she is going through a rough phase in her life and I dunno maybe by reading these articles she can related to those people and be assured that there is someone else out there who has been through the same things as her. On the other hand though, wouldn’t it be better to read something funny, something lively and positive to take your mind off it? By reading such unpleasant stuff isn’t she distressing herself more?

When I am feeling blue, and I have said it before, I like to think about all my favorite things to get my mind off the thing that is hurting me not dwell over it. I try to send her cheerful articles but she just doesn’t seem to take to them. It’s like she has given up on life and the chance of happiness. She has started believing that she does not deserve to be happy and if by mistake something comes along that will make her life beautiful, it will be snatched away from her soon. I have tried to talk to her so many times, even scolded her at times. I wish there was some other way I could help her out. Put her out of her misery.

Through the eyes of a child....

Yesterday afternoon, when everyone in the house was taking their afternoon siesta, I just walked out in my balcony and saw my 6 yr old cousin intently working on something. On a closer look I saw there was a broken plastic elliptical dish in front of him and he was moulding something with clay. I asked him what was he doing with a broken piece of plastic? He just looked at me and casually replied, 'I am making a boat.' If I, or any other adult in the house had come across it, it would have gone straight to the dust bin. But he created something so simple yet so beautiful out of that piece of junk.

I remembered another incident when one of my other cousin ( 12 yrs old) was just leaving for school one day and he suddenly called out to a third cousin, who is the same age, to look at something. She saw what he was pointing at and was like 'wow'. My uncle went to see what was happening and he could not see the object of their admiration. When asked my cousin said, 'we were just admiring the multicolored pattern that was being formed because of the sunlight falling through the glass window.' The point I am trying to make here is that my cousin could immediately understand what her brother was pointing at, but my uncle needed an explaination for it.

Children have such wonderful imaginations. I absolutely love sitting out with my cousins and listening to them trying to make out some patterns in the clouds. I wonder what happens to us when we grow up. I agree that we tend to be more rational and start thinking logically but why do we loose our imaginations at the same time? In fact I think letting our imaginations run wild is the best way to relax and take a break from everything that is bothering us. I am reminded of a dialogue form one of my favourite movies, Finding Neverland,

"Just a dog? Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's just a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock." Just."

I am just trying to say that wouldnt it be just great if we could all build our own Neverlands and visit it once a while? I am sure all the kids do it. They dont have a logical brain inside them telling them that it is all crap. They live in their own world of fantasies.

I have my own Neverland too and I love to go for a trip there. I can be anything or anyone I want and be with anyone I want. It is so peaceful out there. Just the thought of it clams down my mind and leaves me in a state of blissfull contentment.

Oh I wish I was Peter Pan and would have never grown up and could live in Neverland forever. But like they say 'If wishes were wings, pigs would fly.' Well I don't see any flying pigs around here so I guess it is not going to happen. But I can at least console myself by taking a trip to my Neverland.

Masks...

I had a friend in college, she was famous in the entire college for her short temper. She had some panga with practically all the professors and even the students from neighbouring colleges. She would be upset by the tiniest thing. The other day I was having lunch with her and she got mad at someone for some reason. I as usual reprimanded her for loosing her temper. She looked at me and asked me, 'How in the world do you manage to keep your cool?' I had heard this n number of times earlier from all my friends in college. They would always try to upset or anger me in some way but always failed.

When I got back home, I was pondering over the matter. I tried to do some self-analysis in order to understand why don't I get mad over trivial matter. I didn't have to think for a long time. I realised the reason I am able to keep such a cool head is that I don't care for much for these things. And because I am so detached, I manage to keep my temper in check. In way it is good, but on the other hand doesn't it seem a bit cold? Ok I am not saying that I am like a sage detached from each and every thing in this world. Hell no, I am a normal human being. Well, ok this does not seem to be the appropriate reason.

I guess, I am still connected to everything that is important to me, but also at the same time wear a mask of nonchalance in order to protect myself from getting hurt. The other day I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner but at the last minute she called me and said that she could not make it. At that time I just shrugged it off saying it was no big deal, but it was. I didn't show that though. Each time I am faced with a situation which might make me look vulnerable, an invisible mask covers up my face and no one knows about the plethora of emotions raging inside me. There are times when my eyes betray me, not even the thickest disguise can cover that. But then luckily, no one has the time or patience to look deep into them and try to figure out what is really going on ( I am talking about friends and acquaintances here, can never ever fool my mom).

I just wish, someone would break through this wall once and try to read what is hidden behind it. Sometimes, what we see can be misleading.

Mars and Venus

The other day a friend of mine read the article in which I described how I felt when I found out about how that guy cheated on my friend. He told me that I am too naïve and soft to be upset over such a small thing and that it is a regular occurrence with guys. We had quite a big argument over this. Is it really true? Am I really being naïve in thinking that there are some good people in this world who would never ever hurt anyone like this? Well actually I had kinda ignored that discussion till today.

My friend, whose heart that guy had broken, is recovering slowly. She started seeing this guy; there is nothing romantic between them apart from some flirting. She used to be so happy whenever she talked about him, and it felt good to know that she has found someone. Today, however, she told me that the other guy is acting funny too. He is ignoring her calls and messages. This took my mind back to my previous discussion / argument with my friend. I wonder if she is going to end up with a broken heart again. I hope not. Can the male species really be that heartless and cruel?

But then on the other hand, is it entirely the guys fault? I have heard so many of my friends complain so many times that their boyfriend is not giving them enough time. But then don’t they need a space of their own? Don’t they need to hang out with their own friends too? Ok I have never been on the other side so I am saying from pure theory here, but personally I cannot imagine being with the same person 24 * 7. I would go mad. I need my own space and I am sure the other person too. When I try to tell this to my friends I am greeted with dirty looks, so I just shut up. But then it doesn’t stop me from thinking it. Could it be that the girls themselves drive the guys away? I am not saying it happens in all the cases. Most of the times I know guys get bored and start looking for someone new and interesting. But I know one thing for sure, if someone was always clinging on to me I would back off immediately.

I may be a hopeless romantic, but I prefer being rational and thinking logically. Agreed that there are times you must listen to your heart, but that does not mean you should stop listening to your head completely. I just cannot imagine myself saying those mushy words to someone or even hearing them for that matter. I just wouldn’t have the patience. I like to get straight to the point. And then, I start to wonder if I am being too cold. Am I?

Love letter straight from the heart....

To my dearest,
I tried to get you off my mind but crashed and burned. Why can’t you leave me alone? Why is it that every-time I think about you my eyes start to sparkle and my face breaks into a huge smile which refuses to leave me. I remember each word exchanged between us. I like who I am, when I am around you. We have talked about so many things, some silly some serious and meaningful yet they were all very special to me. You do not treat me any differently than your other friends yet I feel special. A simple hi from you makes my day.
I want you to hold me in your arms, look into my eyes and dance with me forever. Words are un-necessary; let our eyes do the talking.
I don’t know what you think about me, or do you even think about me at all. I would like to believe that one day you will come up to me and ask me to be yours forever and always, yet there is some voice in the corner of my heart that says that it is all a foolish dream and it will go away as soon as I open my eyes, that is why I keep them shut tight.
There have been many crushes in my life before. None of them worked out to anything, but it did not hurt. I always shrugged them off thinking to my self that maybe it wasn’t meant to be. But, it is different with you. Just the thought of not being with you brings a tear to my eye. People say that when you are around a person you love you get all hot and bothered and your heart starts beating faster and you get shy etc. etc. etc. It happened with all the others, not with you though. From the moment I first met you it seems like we have known each other our entire lives. Is it love? I know not. I have never felt this way before. I am so confused.
I would just like to end this by saying:

Late at night when all the world is sleeping

I'd stay up and think of you

And I'd wish on a star

That somewhere you are

thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight

Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be

Then here in my room,

Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me

And I wonder if you know I'm there

If you looked in my eyes

Would you see what's inside?

Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close But so far,

all I have are dreams of you So,

I wait for the day and the courage to say

How much I love you(Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight

Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be

Then here in my room,

Dreaming about you and me

Forever yours,

Dreamy.

PS. The above poem is asong 'Dreaming of you' by Selena

Another day in paradise

A typical day in the life of a software engineer. I am saying this from personal experience and not from the numerous forwards that go around.

1) Log into the machine. Check if there are any important mails. Aaaargh your manager has scheduled a team meeting. That moron!! Does not have anything better to do.

2) Oh what is this!! A mail from the testing people. They have found some new bug. Damn looks like you are going to have some work today.

3) Go to cafeteria to linger over a cup of coffee.

4) Come back to the desk. Yipee there are some forwards......Boring you have already read them Yawn!

5) Ok better get to that bug. Oh wait someone is online. Lets just chat for a while.

6) Back to the bug, hey looks like this was not a problem after all. Screw you testers!!

7) Oh lunch time already. Damn no place in the cafeteria, oh well lets sit in the library and wait for a table to get empty.

8) Hey finally got a place. Yawn...feeling sleepy. Go for a walk.

9) Oh crap!! meeting!!! need to wake up.

10) In a dreamland while the manager is talking about some stuff. Wondering what he/she is doing now and hoping that they come online. Why is it that when you have nothing to do nobody is online???!!!???

11) Hey meeting over...finally!! Coffee break.

12) Staring blankly at the screen..Maybe if you concentrate hard enough you might be able to control it with your mind!! Worth a try isnt it??

13) Someone needs you help. SOME WORK!!!! FINALLY!!!!

14) Oh that was a minor issue. Glad you could help.

15) Hey what do you know. Time to leave.

Ctrl + Alt + Del + Enter

There are some days when I dont have much to do in the office, maybe some minor things yeah, but not anything great.
Today was one such day. So I decided to go through one of my favourite blogs written by a friend of mine. In one of his entries he had given the perfect description of a person's reactions when confronted with someone they have some special feelings for. It took me back to a conversation both of us were having a couple of days back on a similar topic. About that feeling of discomfort when we come face to face with someone we have a 'crush' on.
Well I was just wondering, why is it that we feel so uncomfortable and start acting like complete idiots? I have been there too. Cant string a sentence together, your throat feels dry, your ears turn red etc. etc. etc. Shouldnt it be the exact opposite? Shouldnt it be like the first time you meet that person and it feels as if you have known each other for a lifetime? You should feel most comfy around them. I mean whats the point of being with someone who makes you feel awkward? But then I think I am getting confused between a 'crush' and 'love' or not!!!
But still it is wierd isnt it? You might have been friends with a person forever and you have had the best times with him/her. But the moment the feelings from your side or the other person's side get deeper things become difficult. Why? Neither of you have changed then where does the awkwardness come from?
I still remember my first crush in school. Damn the moment he came in front of me I could never think straight. I used to love to hang out with him, and we have had some great times together. But there were times when I behaved like a complete idiot around him. But now, now that he has someone in his life, I am so much at ease with him. I have not seen him for a long time now, but the last time I met him it was like meeting an old and a good friend. It felt good. I felt free. I have tried to analyse it so many times but always hit a blank wall. I just dont get it, probably never will.

Beyond the traditions....

Our is a country famous for its deep rooted culture and age old traditions, which have been going on for centuries. We have come a long way but some things have not changed.

Today, people all around the country will be celebrating 'Ananth Chaturdashi' which marks the end of the 'Ganesh Chaturti' festival. It is the 11th and the final day of the festival. It is today, that all the Ganesh idols that people bring in their homes/societies at the beginning of Ganeshotsav are immersed in various water bodies. Many people perform this ritual earlier but by this day everyone immerses their idols. I had gone too. But as those people were immersing the idols in the water, all I could think of was how much dirt and grime they are putting in the river. Imagine hundreds and thousands of idols being drowned in the water. The soluble stuff will eventually become a part of the water and the rest will keep floating and might land up at some shore or maybe in some poor fish's stomach. Yeah yea this has been happening for a long time, but first of all in those days there were not so many idols and secondly people were not all that aware. But what about now? Can we really afford to pollute our rivers/lakes/seas this way? I am sure 80% of the people are doing it because this is the way it has always been. But dont they ever stop to think what are they doing to the environment? These days there are so many campaigns going on for protecting the environment. But does anyone really care? If they pass a law against it there will be a huge cry and lots of protests. But then change for the betterment is good right? I mean didnt they eventually ban parctices like sati and child marriage? I wish they would ban this too or at least restrict it! I guess in case of sati or child marriage people raised their voices because it was affecting them directly, but in this case they are not seeing the immediate effects of their actions. Aaaaargh I felt like shaking those people and asking them to wake up.

Diwali is also the same. In this we are polluting the air. Hey even I love those rockets which burst into bright colorful stars but at the same time I cant help but feel that pinch. I just cannot light fire crackers these days.

Oh damn it is there any solution to this!!!!

Some of my favourite proposals!!!

"Look, I guarantee that we'll have tough times. And I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart, you're the only one for me." - The Runaway Bride

'What about my scholarship? What about Paris, which I've never seen in my whole goddamn life?

'What about our marriage?'

It was I who spoke those words, although for a split second I wasn't sure I really had.

'Who said anything about marriage?'

'Me. I'm saying it now.'

'You want to marry me?'

'Yes.' She tilted her head, did not smile, but merely inquired: 'Why?'

I looked her straight in the eye. 'Because,' I said.

'Oh,' she said. 'That's a very good reason.'- Love Story

'You know I was wonderin' like, what are you like doin' for the next er 40 to 50 years of your life?'

'What do you mean?'

'aah I was wonderin' if you wouldn't mind marrying me very much." - Rocky II

PS. There are all I could remember right now, I will keep adding as an when I find more ;)

Secrets

I am sure every person has a secret of his/her own. There is no harm in that. I mean sometimes there are things you simply dont want to share with anyone and that is perfectly fine. But, sometimes, some serets can come in the way of your happiness. What do you do then? What should you do? Well I guess if I had the answer to this question I wouldnt be writing all this down here now would I ;).

I never really gave this much thought, but yesterday I finished reading a book "The Memory Keeper's Daughter". The central idea of this novel revolved around this man who does something and decides to hide his deed from his wife, from the world. But as time goes by, he is burdned by it. He takes this secret to his grave, but destroys so many lives in the way. He believed what he was doing was right, that he was protecting his wife and family from pain and grief, but does not realise that this deed of his was causing more pain than reducing it.

It is not very uncommon. So many people go through their lives weighed down by the heavy load they carry around in their hearts. It starts with a simple harmless looking lie but as time goes by this lie keeps getting stronger and stronger untill it forms a thick iron wall around you which no-one can penetrate, however hard they try.

I wonder what makes them behave this way. Is it fear of being rejected? Or being considered a looser? Or like in he above case they feel that they are doing some good when in reality they are not.

There are times when we come across some people in our lives who touch our hearts in a special way maybe as a friend or sometimes something more. Why cant well ever tell them how we feel about them? We wait for the other person to make the first move and sometimes this wait lasts forever. Instead we prefer carrying this secret buried deep in our hearts, where it slowly starts to cause pain. I wonder if some poeple really enjoy this kind of pain.

I guess it is all a bit difficult for me to understand because uptill now I have never come across some situation when I have had to keep something from someone. OK, I am not talking about personal secrets of friends, those things are never meant to be revealed. Apart from this I am an open book. But then again like I always say, this is a personal view. Each person is different right.

God

Before I start off, I just want to say that I respect all the religions equally and am not trying to hurt anyone's beliefs of sentiments. I would just like to express my views on this subject. I am not an atheist ( as most people think ). I truly belive that there is some supreme power above us, looking after us, giving us strength in the tough times, giving us joy, and just being there for us when we need him. But still there is a part of me which just cannot accept some things.


Let me give an example. The other day during lunch time my aunt realised that the dabbawala had not come to collect my cousin's lunch. It was too late for anyone to go and give it to them. She was so upset, she could not eat her lunch thinking that her children would be hungry in school. Now think about this. Whenever I see my aunts and grandma praying towards the end they always say "Twameva mata, pitah twameva, twameva bandhu, sakha twameva" ( you are my mother, you are my father, you are my partner, you are my best friend). And yet they have these customs of fasting for an entire day for various things. My aunt could not bear to eat her food when her kids were hungry, then what about God? Wont he feel anything when he sees his children are going hungry? As a kid I never had to beg in front of my parents if I wanted something. I just had to tell them and if they thoughts my demands were not very unreasonable they would get it for me. Then why does everyone beg and plead and make deals with God? "Oh God I will stay hungry for x number of days, please give me a good husband." or " God I will visit your temple everyday, please make me successful." He is probably the only one who loves us unconditionally. He doesnt want anything in return, other than love. People travel long distances to visit the places of worship. They go on teerthyatras in search of peace and salvation. How do they manage to get that in the midst of a huge crowd is still a mystery to me. They hardly get a glimpse of the idol but still think that their journey has been successfull. They bribe the priests to stay a little while longer in front of the idol. I feel its all for namesake these days.I wonder how many of these people truly belive in all this.


I cannot look for God in clay idols no matter how beautiful they are. When I am upset or tensed, I just close my eyes, imagine a source o light, strong and shining bright. I tell him "Dear God, this is what has been troubling me. I am not going to be worried over it. It is your headache please take care of it for me." And he does! When I am feeling sad, I tell him "I dont want to be sad, please take away my tears", and they disappear. He is my father, mother, brother, sister, my best friend.


But then again, these is my POV. Maybe I am right, maybe I am wrong. I dont know. I just do what my heart tells me to.

A tryst with nature

Just the other day I was lamenting about my lack of interaction with mother nature and the opportunity landed in my lap yesterday . I had gone for an outing to Bhimashankar with my colleagues. The experience was out of this world. The beauty of nature never ceases to amaze me. We were walking up the hill, with cool breeze blowing around us and small streams of water beneath our feet. I think the sound of a flowing brook has to be the most soothing sound in the world. One can lie down for hours and listen to it. That's just what I felt like doing. The forest cover was so thick. We did not go inside the actual jungle, but the view! It is hard to explain in words. The hills were totally covered in the blanket of green. Sun rays were filtering through the clouds, which would sometimes cover it up completely.

For a moment I was actually worried that my lungs will not be able to stand the pure air for a long time, they are so used to breathing in the pollution everyday . But luckily for me, they survived. The best part came later though. After we had come down and everyone was just sitting around having a cup of tea, the clouds started rolling in. We were surrounded by a thick fog from all sides. There was no way I could sit inside the tea joint no matter how exhausted I was. I rushed outside, closed my eyes and just embraced the swirling mist. I was in heaven *sigh*, my own Neverland.

Cricket v/s Bollywood

I think cricket and bollywood are the two things all Indians are really crazy about. Liking something is one thing but being totally fanatic about it?? I just cannot digest it. What is even worse is that the film stars are all treated like Gods and the cricketers, well if they win a match they are God and if they loose they are Dogs. What the hell is this? If India looses a match, people will throw stones at the player's homes, burn their effigies, take out protest rallies and who knows what not. And if we win then oh they will be the heros of the nation.
On the other hand what about the film stars? Now consider the Sanjay Dutt case or even the Salman Khan case that is going on. Sanjay Dutt was involved in the Mumbai bomb blasts which killed so many people. Salman Khan charged for killing wild animals and running over someone sleeping on the footpath. What these guys did ended in taking innocent lives. Yet, they seem to have the full support of the nation. People are praying for their release. Why? Just because they are huge stars? Does this justify their actions?
Hell, we loose a measly match and people take is as a personal insult! On the other hand, their countrymen are dying for no fault of their own and the offenders are walking free while the mass is upholding them. How can people be such hypocrites!

I think I have said it a million times before. That I am a hopeless romantic and really believe in the "made for each other" kind of love. But today something happened which shattered my belief in it. Well to start off, in one of my earlier posts I had mentioned a guy, someone with whom I had fallen in love ( or thought I did ). Those days I was positively giddy about him. Heck I could not even string two words together whenever he came in front of me. But, after some time I realised that the feelings I had for him was just an attraction and nothing more. So after that we were just friends. I uses to think that he is a very cool guy. I was over him, but still respected him. He is funny, smart, used to treat me like lady. I felt good around him.

But today...today I found out what a total scumbag he is. I cannot go into the details as it is someone else's story. Someone whose heart was broken and crushed by him. When she asked him why all he could do was shrug and say "That's the way I am."

I was positively shocked to hear this. I admit that I am judging him based on only one side of the story, I dont know about him. But still, it does not give him any excuse to treat her like this. Ever since she has told me about this I cannot get it out of my head. In the evening I was just walking around the streets, trying to clear my head. I was actually walking in a trance.

You think you know someone, you trust him, and then you find out things like this and your world is upside down. Oh how I wish I could punch him and break his nose.

Practice what you preach...

I cant count the number of times I have urged all my friends to think positively whenever they are feeling down. I usually follow that principle too, but sometimes I tend to forget my own advice. Yesterday was so frustrating. Because, I was stuck and stuck badly with my work. Was not getting anywhere. I felt totally crappy. But this morning when I woke up, I decided that I will not let anything get me down and will make some progress with my work. And I did!! I did not find the complete solution but yet felt like I was doing something, instead of just going to the office and wasting so much time and getting no-where ( I am glad that I didnt go into research ).
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is so easy to tell others what to do and how to behave, but we all tend to forget our own fundas sometimes. And usually these are the times when they are really needed. These are the times we need to remember to Practice what we preach.

Time

The other day I was talking to my aunt and we started discussing how the time flies by these days. She said that when they were kids they used to have so much time on their hands and could do so many things. Now, the days just seem to fly by. Why? Its not like the earth has started spinning faster or the number of seconds in a day have reduced!! I feel it too. The weekdays go fast and the weekends even faster. All of us are always in such a rush to everything. I am included in that too. I mean even when I am walking around with a lot of free time in my hands I cannot seem to slow down for a moment and just enjoy my surroundings.

I am usually listening to music whenever I walk and am so engrossed in it that dont notice anything around me. Which is OK when the roads are full of traffic. But what about early mornings? Or the small lanes where there is not much traffic around? Why cant I just slow down for once and notice what is happening around me.

Today I was to meet a friend at the top of a hill. As usual I had my earphones plugged in and was humming along to the music. I reached midway and there was a sort of an open space and a cool, gentle breeze blowing. At tht moment I just stopped, I knew he was waiting for me on top but I had to wait and look around. At that moment I removed my earphones and put them in my pocket. At that time I felt that listening to artificial music at such moment would be an insult to nature. And that was the first moment I realised how I have stopped admiring the natural beauty all around me. I mean when I was in school I used to love to go for walks all by myself, or sometimes accompanied by my dog, and would just look around, stop at various places, take a deep breath, admire the new life budding all around me (esp in the monsoons) and move on.

24 hours were enough then, then why are they not enough now? But, now that I have realised it I make a pledge to myself, that I will slow down a bit from now and get back to what I used to be earlier. I just hope I am able to keep it.

I dont know who is the author of this poem. It came to me in a forwarded mail. But it captues whatever I am trying to say above:

SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day On the fly?

When you ask "How are you?"

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say "Hi"?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast

to get somewhere

You miss half the fun

of getting there.

When you worry and

hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over

Matters of the heart

Mayank and Nisha had been married for 4 years. They had a one year old baby girl, Avanti. Theirs had been an arranged marriage. Their parents came together and decided that they would make a nice couple and soon they were tied in the bonds of holy matrimony. They had a smooth life. Then one day something happend which rocked their world forever. Mayank met Aparna.

She worked in the same office as his and had just moved to the city. She was all alone. Initially Mayank would just talk to her as she had no-one else to talk to. Slowly this casual accquaintance developed into deep friendship and this deep friendship turned into a beautiful, innocent love. They didnt mean for this to happen. But it did, and now there was no turning back. They started spending more and more time together and now they had become inseperable.

What should he do now? If he stays with Nisha and forgets about Aparna, then he will be denying himself the one shot at finding something which is so rare in this world, true love. And if he goes to Aparna, he will be abandoning his wife and kid whom he has promised to love and cherish for all of his life.

What is the right decision in this case? Is there even a right decision? Mayank had nothing to complain about in his married life. Yet, something was missing. Something which made him turn towards Aparna. I dont deny that it is infidelity. Having affairs with numerous women inspite of being married is definitely inexcusable. But, in this case what if Mayank had a chance of finding his soulmate in Aparna? Every one is searching for the love of their life, but very few of them actually find it. Someone once told me that it is ok to be a little selfish for your own happiness. But selfish to an extent that you end up hurting others?

One can argue both ways in this case, I mean we can say that if Mayank goes to Nisha and they both talk it over, it is possible that slowly he finds the same love in Nisha and soon gets over Aparna. Or on the other hand we can also assume that if he and Nish are seperated, then she too has a chance of finding her soulmate. But both these options have a down side too dont they?

I dont know the answer to this question? Does anyone?

You've got Mail

This is one of my all time favourite movies. I can watch it N number of times and still not get bored. This movie introduced us to a totally different kind of romance ( I must admit at this point that I am a hopeless romantic ). Two strangers who dont even know each other's names, just start exchanging mails at random and slowly fall in love with each other. What is it about this form of communication? I think people ( some of them ) are more honest about their feelings and emotions when they are interacting online. Why is it so I am yet to understand. But it is true isnt it? When communicating through e-mails/ IM we talk about so many things we would not if we were face to face. And the element of anonymity adds to the charm.

But what I dont understand here is that why is it that people always look for romance in such cases? I mean if two people are interacting frequently via the internet why cant they just be friends? It has happened to me so many times. And this is the reason why I am a bit wary of talking to a complete stranger online. I am not saying I dont do it at all, I have some great online friends, but I am very choosy about it. I am sure one can feel a bit of an attraction towards a person when he/she has been corresponding for quite some time, but falling in love!!! I am a bit doubtful about that. But on the other hand if your wavelengths match and you click then why the hell not!!! Oh damn, it is all so confusing and complicated!!! Well, then again, if it wasnt complicated it wouldnt be so much fun now would it? ;)

Destiny

Sometimes there is something we want very badly, but it seems that the more we try to obtain it the further it slips away from us. People generaly react to such situations in two ways: they get angry and frustrated and just give up or their determination becomes stronger and in the end they achieve what they want. And once they get it, the cherish it forever because they worked so hard ro reach there. There is a quote I once heard "Life answers our questions in 3 ways : It says yes and gives you whatever you want, It says no and gives you something better or It says wait and gives you the best." But do we have the time to wait? I dont think so. We are so used to getting instant results that we sometimes tend to forget that not everything in this world can be Maggie Noodles!! Hell even I, inspite of saying all this, get so damn impatient at times ( something which my best friend points out so gleefully ).

There is a time and place for everything and things will happen when they are meant to, not before it nor after it. And look at it this way. If everything was handed to us in a silver platter, would we appreciate it or enjoy it as much? I am sure not.

Life

Today I want to tell another story. Unlike the earlier stories which I have shared this is pretty morbid, yet it is something that is pretty close to my heart.

There was a girl I once knew. According to me she was absolutly perfect. She was tall, smart, gorgeous ( she always reminded me of Sandra Bullock), a great dancer, confident...Everything a person would want to be. I used to idolise her. Then one day, she went away, to a place from where she would never return. She hung herself from a ceiling in her apartment and took her life. I was so shocked when I heard this. It seemed so unreal. We hear of someone committing suicide so often in the papers, but when it happens to someone you know, it hits you right in the face. Her family was shattered. I had never seen them so broken, so torn. I was not very close to her but was close to the rest of the family. And seeing them like this un-nerved me. They were like zombies. I was so shocked, I didnt know what to do or how to react. That day I felt so angry at her, I hated her for bringing so much pain to her family. At that time I didnt know why she did it. Now I do. She was in love with a guy who didnt return her affections the way she wanted. He abused her, mentally, physically. Later, we found that she wanted to break away from the relationship but for some reason could not, did not. That day they had a fight, a terrible one and she could not take it anymore and in a moment of madness took her life. And it was over.

I wonder what kind of love it this? How can you stand to be even around a person who treats you like this? There are so many women who inspite of being abused continue to live with the same person. Some are afraid to stand up, while the others keep living in the hope that the person would change. That he would love them the way it is meant to be. Some people say that it takes a lot of courage to take your life. But, I think only the most cowardly person would consider taking his/her life. They do it because they are not strong enough to face their problems. Killing themselves is the easy way out and they take it. Or, sometimes there are cases like these, when just for a small fraction of time they feel low and depressed. This depressions reaches such a stage that they just snap.

Sometimes I think, if only she had called someone at that time she would be alive and here with us. But, in such situations, I think the person becomes temporarily mad and cannot distinguish between rational and irrational and does what is the first thing that comes in his/her mind. I just wish that people would realise that problems are a part of life. We have to face them head on and fight them off. Taking the easy way out is not the solution.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3o8F86JGGQ

A man's best friend

Dogs!!! I wonder what is it about them that draws us so much towards them. Is it the way they look at you with such soulful eyes? Or they way they come and rest their heads on your legs ( I just LOVE it when they do that ). I remember when I was studying for my tenth board exams. I used to sometimes stay up late, studying. Everyone else in the house used to be fast asleep. Times like these ( esp when you are studying), you tend to feel kinda lonely and it is scary. I used to make my dog sit with me and read out to him :D. I know the poor chap didnt understand a word I said, but to me it was very comforting. Some times, he comes with piece of cloth in his mouth and drops it at my feet. We then play "Dog and the bone" (or rather "Dog, human and the cloth" ) combined with "Tug of war".

I don't understand how can some people hate them!!! There are times when I get mad at my dog, but one look at him and all my anger just melts away. Ok, I know they can get messy sometimes, but so do kids right? All said and done I think they are worth all the mess. There used to be this add of Raymonds on TV where a guy comes home and is greeted with a hoard of puppies which are all over him. What I'd give to be in that guys shoes ;) .

Don't Hope.

I know the title sounds strange. I mean everywhere we are asked to never give up hope. And I am saying "Dont hope". Read the story below and you will know why I am saying that:

Jim was waiting for his friend at the airport. The flight was a bit delayed so he was just looking around. There was a a beautiful lady sitting next to him. With her there were 3 kids ( he assumned hers). They all seemed to be waiting for someone. The young one in her lap seemed to be getting restless. He thought of going there and striking a conversation when suddenly the other 2 kids jumped up and rushed to someone. He turned and saw a tall man walking towards them with a huge smile on his face. He picked up his kids and hugged then fiercely. The toddler in the lady's lap was now getting really antsy. So the man came and plucked him from his mothers lap and held him close. The baby calmed down instantly. He was happy to be in his daddy's arms. The the man handed over the kid to the oldest child and looked at his wife as if he had never seen someone as beautiful as her. Said out loud, " I was saving the best for the last my dear". He went upto her and gave her a lingering kiss. Jim knew it was rude but he could not stop staring at the obvious love that was shared by the members of this family. Before he could stop himself he went upto the man and asked him "How long have you been away?". The man while looking adoringly at his family replied "Two whole days!!!". Jim was taken aback. Two days!!!! They were acting as if he had been away for years. He asked again "How long have you been married?". The man, looked down on his wife and said "Been together for 12 yrs and been married for 10 of those." Jim said, more to himself than to the man, "Wow, I hope that after 10 yrs my marriage is as beautiful as yours". The man who had just started moving away, turned back looked at Jim straight in the eyes, with an intensity that burned through his soud, and said "Don't hope my friend, decide!" With this he walked away with his family.

This got me thinking. There are so many times when we say "Oh I hope I am able to complete this assignment by today" or "I hope I get through the day without getting mad at someone". We just hope for it and expect that someone else will come and make these things happen. What we dont realise that no one is going to come and hand these things to us in a silver platter. We have to do it ourselves. If we want our assignment to be completed by today, then we have to work hard on it. If we want to spend our entire day without yelling at someone then we have to keep calm. We have to decide what we want and we have to decide how are we going to get it.

When we talk about hope, we talk about things that are not in our control. We can hope that one day the world will be a better place, free of terror and war or that it does not rain today. There is nothing we can do prevent such things from happening.

What I am trying to say is that we should know when to hope and when to make a firm decision about things we want. So, for all those things that are in our hands ,"Don't hope my friend Decide".

A friend mine asked me yesterday and I quote "why do you care so much about people judging you?" That really got me thinking. He immediately apologised for asking me this, but I dont think he needed to. I guess at a subconscious level I always knew that there are times when I think a lot about what the others think about me, but when he said it directly, it was like a bolt from the blue. I think when someone else tells you about something it seems more concrete. We tend to usually ignore our inner voices when it is telling us about something that we are doing wrong. But when a friend or a relative or even a perfect stranger for that matter says the same thing, we cannot go on ignoring it. We think that it is about time we changed ourselves.

Ok, coming back to the main topic, why is it that we ( ok me ) care so much about what the people think about us? I guess there is this innate need in all of us, the need to be accepted. We often judge others, hence we care about being judged ourselves.

Coincidently the "Mind over Matters" section, of today's TOI talked about a similar issue. It was about people who want to play safe most of their lives. They want to live in their comfort zones always. Then there are those who dare to be different. Who break away from their comfort zones into unexplored territories. These people are spend most of their lives alone. They may be surounded by people all their lives, but there are very few who understand them. They want to live their lives, their own way and dont care about what the others think of them. These are the kind of people who really matter. Why? Simply because they had the courage to go against the tide.

Take Howard Roark for example ( for those who dont know, Howard Roark is the hero of one of the most famous books in history, The Fountainhead ). He was a brilliant architect but he did not follow the the rules of architecture taught to them in the school. He did things his own way. He did not listen to others. He did what his heart bid him to. And for this reason he was despised and loathed by people all around him. But, there were a few who understood why is he behaving the way he is. And they were his true friends. They were the ones who stuck by him through thick and thin.

Then you realise, does it really matter if you have loads and loads of friends? Or, can you really call such people your friends? Friends are those who accept you for who you are, not who you pretend to be in front of them. These are the people who really matter. Why should we care about the others? If Howard had follows the rules of the society, nothing could have stopped him from being rich and famous. But would it have made him happy? I think not. He chose his happiness over everything. After all in the end that's all that really means something isnt it?

I would like to end with a quote or rather an oath from Atlus Shrugged, which is like a sequel to The Fountainhead:

“I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”

I wonder if we can really follow it though ;).

Honk Honk!!! Side Please

I absolutly hate to go out on the road on my bike. I would prefer walking ( if the distance is not too great) or take an auto. But just the thought of going out anywhere on my bike , in such traffic gives me goosebumps. I mean, the rush on the road to absolutly crazy!! It's like people do not have time at all. There wil be cars and bikes and all sorts of vehicle zooming around you, breaking all the possible traffic rules, like their pants are on fire. Hell, sometimes even on a traffic signal, if the cars in the front are waiting at the red light, there will be other people who will be honking continuously to make them move. Don't they understand that no matter what, the cars up ahead are not going to move until the light turns green? Don't their ear drums burst with so much constant, irritating noise? Why is there so much rush to reach their destination. If you are getting late, then you should have left earlier. I read a quote once "It is better to be 5 minutes late in this world then to be too early in the next". How true is that.

Ironically on the other hand, when there is some kind of an accident on the road the people around seem to have all the time in the world!! Everyone will just gather around to watch the fight or to see what is going on. Damn guys there is no show going on out there. I really hate this. They will not move an inch to help the person, all they want to do is gawk. Even when I am going to office in the bus, if there is some kind of accident or some fight going on, on the road, the people in my bus will crane their necks to see what is going on. What kind of sadastic pleasure poeple get in such things is something I will never understand. A couple of weeks ago a 10th std girl here met with an accident while going to her class in the morning. Instead of helping her and taking her to the hospital, the people were busy fighting with the person who caused the accident. The poor girl died there on the spot. If someone had had a little common sense and taken her immediately to the ER she could have been saved. But then the person taking her would have missed the exciting fight!! How could he do that?

I wonder sometimes, if this is the level of thinking in the people, can we ever even hope to become a developed nation?

Laws of Attraction

Sometimes I wonder what attracts a person to another. People say that 'opposites attract'. As far as laws of magnetism and physics go sure no arguing with that point. But what about when relationships are concerned? Does this hold true always?

To support this theory I guess one can say that people usually are looking for someone who is totally unlike them, so that they can fill in the gaps in their personalities and complete them ( and vice versa of course). There have been so many times you come across people saying "I dont know what she/he saw in the other person. They are so unlike each other". And yet, they are totally content with each other.

Then there are times when you come across a person who so much similar to you and seeing the similarities you are attracted to him/her. It is because you know you can be at the same level as that person. Because you share common interests, and hobbies you have some things to do together which you both like. Someone who understands you because they know what it is like.

I guess it varies from person to person. We dont know what is it that we are looking for. You cannot help who you fall in love with right? There is more of chemistry at play here than physics.

Down in the dumps!!!

I have mentioned so many times in my earlier posts that whenever I feel low I think of things that make me happy and my mood immediately uplifts. But today it didnt help, didnt help at all. My day started normally, I got up got ready and went to office. For a past few days I had been slacking off on the work front **sheepish grin ** but today I had decided that I will not let anything distract me. And it worked. I paid attention to my work and got quite a lot done!!! Yet, for some reason I was not happy. I felt like screaming on the top of my voice and crying at the same time. Till now I have not been able to figure out what could be the reason of this trumoil of emotions going on inside of me. I tried everything I could to come out of it but no avail. I just cannot understand it. I mean there was no reason for me to be so low. It is really wierd. I was nearly at my wits end when as a last resort I started talking to this friend of mine. He is my best friend in the whole world. He is the one person who knows me better than I know myself. I told him about what I was going through and he understood that something was wrong. He spoke to me for a long time. Cheering me up. And that really made all the difference. It is really amazing what a presence of a good friend can do in your life. Someone you know will always be there with you no matter what. We dont talk to each other that often as we are both pretty busy. But I know if I need him all I have to do is ping him or call him and he is there.

Growing up

When we are young all we want is to grow up so that we can do so many things that we are not allowed to do as kids. But there are people who never grow up no matter how old they become. There is no harm in keeping a child alive inside of you no matter what. But, there has to be a limit for it. I dont think there is any harm in behaving like kids sometimes, but there are times when you need to be a little mature. I work in a software company, which happens to be an MNC. A couple of days ago we had our quaterly party in a 5 star hotel. The entire group consisted of well educated people, all of them above 22 years of age and earning a good salary. But I have never seen a bigger bunch of kids. Some colleagues had put up some skits for the entertainment, for which they worked really hard. But when they were performing on the stage, there was so much heckling from the crowd that it was difficult for them to continue. There were unlimited drinks at the bar. People freaked out on them. I dont think there is anything wrong with having a drink or two but just because your office is paying for it does not mean you have to get yourself drunk and make a fool of yourself. Around 5 people had passed out due to too much alcohol.

If it was some college party I would probably expect it but this was a corporate party for heaven's sake!! One would expect some degree of maturity and responsibility from everyone. Like someone once said "With great power comes big responsibilities". I wonder when will people really understand it and will be able to implement it in their own lives.

One of my favourite short stories!!!

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed:"Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over -- 5 crore children start playing tennis, 50 lakh learn to play tennis, 5 lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?". And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"

Horoscopes

How many of us open the newspaper everyday and take a look at the Daily Horoscopes column? I am sure almost everyone would deny that they do any such thing. They will say that they dont believe in it, but, somewhere inside there is a part of them which thinks 'What if it is all true?', 'What if it really works?' . I guess the reason why this 'Fortune telling' is getting so famous these days is because people are impatient. They dont want to live in the present. They want to know what will be their fate probably 10 yrs down the line or even till the end of the day. What I dont understand is that why cant they just let it be? Life has so many surprises in store for us. Why cant they let it unravel it as the time goes by? What is the fun in living if you know what is going to happen to you in the next moment?


And it is not just for the future that people look into them. People look into the love compatibility issues. I bet if they spent half as much time (which they spend on going to various fortune tellers and gypsies) spending some quality time with their partner, they would have a happy, successful relationship.
I believe all our fates are already decided and there is nothing we can do to change it. So instead of finding out what is going to happen to us and how can we avoid the unfavourable circumstances that we might come across we should live in the moment. Enjoy every day like it is the last. What we dont know cannot hurt us right? ;)

Like he lyrics of the song "The dance" by Garth Brooks go:
And now I am glad I didn't know,
The way it all would end, the way it all would go,
Our lives, are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd had to miss the dance.

Somewhere my love.....

Love...there can be so many ways in which this 4 letter word can be defined...i think this must be the only word in the English dictionary which does not have a proper definition...that is because love is not defined by boundaries, religon, caste, well these days even sex.

So what is love? This is an eternal question which has answered by many scholars in different manner. Personally I am in love with love. Wierd I know, but then who isn't right? For the first time in my life ( I thinkl!!) I have truly, madly, deeply fallen in love. *SIGH* yes I am in love.

I dont know if he loves me, hell I dont even know if he even thinks about me. But I know one thing is for sure. Ever since I have realised my feelings for him I have been really happy. I am singing almost all the time. Feel like getting up and just dancing like no one is watching. Nothing in this world can upset me or make me sad. I wonder if this is the case when the feelings are just one-sided what will happen if we start going out!!!!!! Sometimes when I used to see my friend having problems with their boy-friends I used think 'wow I am so lucky I am single'!! But now I know. I think now that it is worth it. Worth every tear every heartache.

Sometimes I wonder how will I feel if I find out that he is in love with someone else. Then I realise yes, it will hurt me. I will feel the pain but in some corner of my heart I know Love is not always about who you want but also knowing that you are capable of giving your heart to someone with all that you have.

It might get crushed sometimes, some other times it may get trampled upon and at other times it will get shattred into tiny pieces. But there will come a time when it will come into the hands of a person who will cherish it with all he has. Who will make sure that no one ever hurts it. And when that time comes, it will heal all the hurt and pain of the past.......