Life

Today I want to tell another story. Unlike the earlier stories which I have shared this is pretty morbid, yet it is something that is pretty close to my heart.

There was a girl I once knew. According to me she was absolutly perfect. She was tall, smart, gorgeous ( she always reminded me of Sandra Bullock), a great dancer, confident...Everything a person would want to be. I used to idolise her. Then one day, she went away, to a place from where she would never return. She hung herself from a ceiling in her apartment and took her life. I was so shocked when I heard this. It seemed so unreal. We hear of someone committing suicide so often in the papers, but when it happens to someone you know, it hits you right in the face. Her family was shattered. I had never seen them so broken, so torn. I was not very close to her but was close to the rest of the family. And seeing them like this un-nerved me. They were like zombies. I was so shocked, I didnt know what to do or how to react. That day I felt so angry at her, I hated her for bringing so much pain to her family. At that time I didnt know why she did it. Now I do. She was in love with a guy who didnt return her affections the way she wanted. He abused her, mentally, physically. Later, we found that she wanted to break away from the relationship but for some reason could not, did not. That day they had a fight, a terrible one and she could not take it anymore and in a moment of madness took her life. And it was over.

I wonder what kind of love it this? How can you stand to be even around a person who treats you like this? There are so many women who inspite of being abused continue to live with the same person. Some are afraid to stand up, while the others keep living in the hope that the person would change. That he would love them the way it is meant to be. Some people say that it takes a lot of courage to take your life. But, I think only the most cowardly person would consider taking his/her life. They do it because they are not strong enough to face their problems. Killing themselves is the easy way out and they take it. Or, sometimes there are cases like these, when just for a small fraction of time they feel low and depressed. This depressions reaches such a stage that they just snap.

Sometimes I think, if only she had called someone at that time she would be alive and here with us. But, in such situations, I think the person becomes temporarily mad and cannot distinguish between rational and irrational and does what is the first thing that comes in his/her mind. I just wish that people would realise that problems are a part of life. We have to face them head on and fight them off. Taking the easy way out is not the solution.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3o8F86JGGQ

A man's best friend

Dogs!!! I wonder what is it about them that draws us so much towards them. Is it the way they look at you with such soulful eyes? Or they way they come and rest their heads on your legs ( I just LOVE it when they do that ). I remember when I was studying for my tenth board exams. I used to sometimes stay up late, studying. Everyone else in the house used to be fast asleep. Times like these ( esp when you are studying), you tend to feel kinda lonely and it is scary. I used to make my dog sit with me and read out to him :D. I know the poor chap didnt understand a word I said, but to me it was very comforting. Some times, he comes with piece of cloth in his mouth and drops it at my feet. We then play "Dog and the bone" (or rather "Dog, human and the cloth" ) combined with "Tug of war".

I don't understand how can some people hate them!!! There are times when I get mad at my dog, but one look at him and all my anger just melts away. Ok, I know they can get messy sometimes, but so do kids right? All said and done I think they are worth all the mess. There used to be this add of Raymonds on TV where a guy comes home and is greeted with a hoard of puppies which are all over him. What I'd give to be in that guys shoes ;) .

Don't Hope.

I know the title sounds strange. I mean everywhere we are asked to never give up hope. And I am saying "Dont hope". Read the story below and you will know why I am saying that:

Jim was waiting for his friend at the airport. The flight was a bit delayed so he was just looking around. There was a a beautiful lady sitting next to him. With her there were 3 kids ( he assumned hers). They all seemed to be waiting for someone. The young one in her lap seemed to be getting restless. He thought of going there and striking a conversation when suddenly the other 2 kids jumped up and rushed to someone. He turned and saw a tall man walking towards them with a huge smile on his face. He picked up his kids and hugged then fiercely. The toddler in the lady's lap was now getting really antsy. So the man came and plucked him from his mothers lap and held him close. The baby calmed down instantly. He was happy to be in his daddy's arms. The the man handed over the kid to the oldest child and looked at his wife as if he had never seen someone as beautiful as her. Said out loud, " I was saving the best for the last my dear". He went upto her and gave her a lingering kiss. Jim knew it was rude but he could not stop staring at the obvious love that was shared by the members of this family. Before he could stop himself he went upto the man and asked him "How long have you been away?". The man while looking adoringly at his family replied "Two whole days!!!". Jim was taken aback. Two days!!!! They were acting as if he had been away for years. He asked again "How long have you been married?". The man, looked down on his wife and said "Been together for 12 yrs and been married for 10 of those." Jim said, more to himself than to the man, "Wow, I hope that after 10 yrs my marriage is as beautiful as yours". The man who had just started moving away, turned back looked at Jim straight in the eyes, with an intensity that burned through his soud, and said "Don't hope my friend, decide!" With this he walked away with his family.

This got me thinking. There are so many times when we say "Oh I hope I am able to complete this assignment by today" or "I hope I get through the day without getting mad at someone". We just hope for it and expect that someone else will come and make these things happen. What we dont realise that no one is going to come and hand these things to us in a silver platter. We have to do it ourselves. If we want our assignment to be completed by today, then we have to work hard on it. If we want to spend our entire day without yelling at someone then we have to keep calm. We have to decide what we want and we have to decide how are we going to get it.

When we talk about hope, we talk about things that are not in our control. We can hope that one day the world will be a better place, free of terror and war or that it does not rain today. There is nothing we can do prevent such things from happening.

What I am trying to say is that we should know when to hope and when to make a firm decision about things we want. So, for all those things that are in our hands ,"Don't hope my friend Decide".

A friend mine asked me yesterday and I quote "why do you care so much about people judging you?" That really got me thinking. He immediately apologised for asking me this, but I dont think he needed to. I guess at a subconscious level I always knew that there are times when I think a lot about what the others think about me, but when he said it directly, it was like a bolt from the blue. I think when someone else tells you about something it seems more concrete. We tend to usually ignore our inner voices when it is telling us about something that we are doing wrong. But when a friend or a relative or even a perfect stranger for that matter says the same thing, we cannot go on ignoring it. We think that it is about time we changed ourselves.

Ok, coming back to the main topic, why is it that we ( ok me ) care so much about what the people think about us? I guess there is this innate need in all of us, the need to be accepted. We often judge others, hence we care about being judged ourselves.

Coincidently the "Mind over Matters" section, of today's TOI talked about a similar issue. It was about people who want to play safe most of their lives. They want to live in their comfort zones always. Then there are those who dare to be different. Who break away from their comfort zones into unexplored territories. These people are spend most of their lives alone. They may be surounded by people all their lives, but there are very few who understand them. They want to live their lives, their own way and dont care about what the others think of them. These are the kind of people who really matter. Why? Simply because they had the courage to go against the tide.

Take Howard Roark for example ( for those who dont know, Howard Roark is the hero of one of the most famous books in history, The Fountainhead ). He was a brilliant architect but he did not follow the the rules of architecture taught to them in the school. He did things his own way. He did not listen to others. He did what his heart bid him to. And for this reason he was despised and loathed by people all around him. But, there were a few who understood why is he behaving the way he is. And they were his true friends. They were the ones who stuck by him through thick and thin.

Then you realise, does it really matter if you have loads and loads of friends? Or, can you really call such people your friends? Friends are those who accept you for who you are, not who you pretend to be in front of them. These are the people who really matter. Why should we care about the others? If Howard had follows the rules of the society, nothing could have stopped him from being rich and famous. But would it have made him happy? I think not. He chose his happiness over everything. After all in the end that's all that really means something isnt it?

I would like to end with a quote or rather an oath from Atlus Shrugged, which is like a sequel to The Fountainhead:

“I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”

I wonder if we can really follow it though ;).

Honk Honk!!! Side Please

I absolutly hate to go out on the road on my bike. I would prefer walking ( if the distance is not too great) or take an auto. But just the thought of going out anywhere on my bike , in such traffic gives me goosebumps. I mean, the rush on the road to absolutly crazy!! It's like people do not have time at all. There wil be cars and bikes and all sorts of vehicle zooming around you, breaking all the possible traffic rules, like their pants are on fire. Hell, sometimes even on a traffic signal, if the cars in the front are waiting at the red light, there will be other people who will be honking continuously to make them move. Don't they understand that no matter what, the cars up ahead are not going to move until the light turns green? Don't their ear drums burst with so much constant, irritating noise? Why is there so much rush to reach their destination. If you are getting late, then you should have left earlier. I read a quote once "It is better to be 5 minutes late in this world then to be too early in the next". How true is that.

Ironically on the other hand, when there is some kind of an accident on the road the people around seem to have all the time in the world!! Everyone will just gather around to watch the fight or to see what is going on. Damn guys there is no show going on out there. I really hate this. They will not move an inch to help the person, all they want to do is gawk. Even when I am going to office in the bus, if there is some kind of accident or some fight going on, on the road, the people in my bus will crane their necks to see what is going on. What kind of sadastic pleasure poeple get in such things is something I will never understand. A couple of weeks ago a 10th std girl here met with an accident while going to her class in the morning. Instead of helping her and taking her to the hospital, the people were busy fighting with the person who caused the accident. The poor girl died there on the spot. If someone had had a little common sense and taken her immediately to the ER she could have been saved. But then the person taking her would have missed the exciting fight!! How could he do that?

I wonder sometimes, if this is the level of thinking in the people, can we ever even hope to become a developed nation?

Laws of Attraction

Sometimes I wonder what attracts a person to another. People say that 'opposites attract'. As far as laws of magnetism and physics go sure no arguing with that point. But what about when relationships are concerned? Does this hold true always?

To support this theory I guess one can say that people usually are looking for someone who is totally unlike them, so that they can fill in the gaps in their personalities and complete them ( and vice versa of course). There have been so many times you come across people saying "I dont know what she/he saw in the other person. They are so unlike each other". And yet, they are totally content with each other.

Then there are times when you come across a person who so much similar to you and seeing the similarities you are attracted to him/her. It is because you know you can be at the same level as that person. Because you share common interests, and hobbies you have some things to do together which you both like. Someone who understands you because they know what it is like.

I guess it varies from person to person. We dont know what is it that we are looking for. You cannot help who you fall in love with right? There is more of chemistry at play here than physics.

Down in the dumps!!!

I have mentioned so many times in my earlier posts that whenever I feel low I think of things that make me happy and my mood immediately uplifts. But today it didnt help, didnt help at all. My day started normally, I got up got ready and went to office. For a past few days I had been slacking off on the work front **sheepish grin ** but today I had decided that I will not let anything distract me. And it worked. I paid attention to my work and got quite a lot done!!! Yet, for some reason I was not happy. I felt like screaming on the top of my voice and crying at the same time. Till now I have not been able to figure out what could be the reason of this trumoil of emotions going on inside of me. I tried everything I could to come out of it but no avail. I just cannot understand it. I mean there was no reason for me to be so low. It is really wierd. I was nearly at my wits end when as a last resort I started talking to this friend of mine. He is my best friend in the whole world. He is the one person who knows me better than I know myself. I told him about what I was going through and he understood that something was wrong. He spoke to me for a long time. Cheering me up. And that really made all the difference. It is really amazing what a presence of a good friend can do in your life. Someone you know will always be there with you no matter what. We dont talk to each other that often as we are both pretty busy. But I know if I need him all I have to do is ping him or call him and he is there.

Growing up

When we are young all we want is to grow up so that we can do so many things that we are not allowed to do as kids. But there are people who never grow up no matter how old they become. There is no harm in keeping a child alive inside of you no matter what. But, there has to be a limit for it. I dont think there is any harm in behaving like kids sometimes, but there are times when you need to be a little mature. I work in a software company, which happens to be an MNC. A couple of days ago we had our quaterly party in a 5 star hotel. The entire group consisted of well educated people, all of them above 22 years of age and earning a good salary. But I have never seen a bigger bunch of kids. Some colleagues had put up some skits for the entertainment, for which they worked really hard. But when they were performing on the stage, there was so much heckling from the crowd that it was difficult for them to continue. There were unlimited drinks at the bar. People freaked out on them. I dont think there is anything wrong with having a drink or two but just because your office is paying for it does not mean you have to get yourself drunk and make a fool of yourself. Around 5 people had passed out due to too much alcohol.

If it was some college party I would probably expect it but this was a corporate party for heaven's sake!! One would expect some degree of maturity and responsibility from everyone. Like someone once said "With great power comes big responsibilities". I wonder when will people really understand it and will be able to implement it in their own lives.

One of my favourite short stories!!!

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed:"Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over -- 5 crore children start playing tennis, 50 lakh learn to play tennis, 5 lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?". And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"