There are some days when I dont have much to do in the office, maybe some minor things yeah, but not anything great.
Today was one such day. So I decided to go through one of my favourite blogs written by a friend of mine. In one of his entries he had given the perfect description of a person's reactions when confronted with someone they have some special feelings for. It took me back to a conversation both of us were having a couple of days back on a similar topic. About that feeling of discomfort when we come face to face with someone we have a 'crush' on.
Well I was just wondering, why is it that we feel so uncomfortable and start acting like complete idiots? I have been there too. Cant string a sentence together, your throat feels dry, your ears turn red etc. etc. etc. Shouldnt it be the exact opposite? Shouldnt it be like the first time you meet that person and it feels as if you have known each other for a lifetime? You should feel most comfy around them. I mean whats the point of being with someone who makes you feel awkward? But then I think I am getting confused between a 'crush' and 'love' or not!!!
But still it is wierd isnt it? You might have been friends with a person forever and you have had the best times with him/her. But the moment the feelings from your side or the other person's side get deeper things become difficult. Why? Neither of you have changed then where does the awkwardness come from?
I still remember my first crush in school. Damn the moment he came in front of me I could never think straight. I used to love to hang out with him, and we have had some great times together. But there were times when I behaved like a complete idiot around him. But now, now that he has someone in his life, I am so much at ease with him. I have not seen him for a long time now, but the last time I met him it was like meeting an old and a good friend. It felt good. I felt free. I have tried to analyse it so many times but always hit a blank wall. I just dont get it, probably never will.

Beyond the traditions....

Our is a country famous for its deep rooted culture and age old traditions, which have been going on for centuries. We have come a long way but some things have not changed.

Today, people all around the country will be celebrating 'Ananth Chaturdashi' which marks the end of the 'Ganesh Chaturti' festival. It is the 11th and the final day of the festival. It is today, that all the Ganesh idols that people bring in their homes/societies at the beginning of Ganeshotsav are immersed in various water bodies. Many people perform this ritual earlier but by this day everyone immerses their idols. I had gone too. But as those people were immersing the idols in the water, all I could think of was how much dirt and grime they are putting in the river. Imagine hundreds and thousands of idols being drowned in the water. The soluble stuff will eventually become a part of the water and the rest will keep floating and might land up at some shore or maybe in some poor fish's stomach. Yeah yea this has been happening for a long time, but first of all in those days there were not so many idols and secondly people were not all that aware. But what about now? Can we really afford to pollute our rivers/lakes/seas this way? I am sure 80% of the people are doing it because this is the way it has always been. But dont they ever stop to think what are they doing to the environment? These days there are so many campaigns going on for protecting the environment. But does anyone really care? If they pass a law against it there will be a huge cry and lots of protests. But then change for the betterment is good right? I mean didnt they eventually ban parctices like sati and child marriage? I wish they would ban this too or at least restrict it! I guess in case of sati or child marriage people raised their voices because it was affecting them directly, but in this case they are not seeing the immediate effects of their actions. Aaaaargh I felt like shaking those people and asking them to wake up.

Diwali is also the same. In this we are polluting the air. Hey even I love those rockets which burst into bright colorful stars but at the same time I cant help but feel that pinch. I just cannot light fire crackers these days.

Oh damn it is there any solution to this!!!!

Some of my favourite proposals!!!

"Look, I guarantee that we'll have tough times. And I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart, you're the only one for me." - The Runaway Bride

'What about my scholarship? What about Paris, which I've never seen in my whole goddamn life?

'What about our marriage?'

It was I who spoke those words, although for a split second I wasn't sure I really had.

'Who said anything about marriage?'

'Me. I'm saying it now.'

'You want to marry me?'

'Yes.' She tilted her head, did not smile, but merely inquired: 'Why?'

I looked her straight in the eye. 'Because,' I said.

'Oh,' she said. 'That's a very good reason.'- Love Story

'You know I was wonderin' like, what are you like doin' for the next er 40 to 50 years of your life?'

'What do you mean?'

'aah I was wonderin' if you wouldn't mind marrying me very much." - Rocky II

PS. There are all I could remember right now, I will keep adding as an when I find more ;)

Secrets

I am sure every person has a secret of his/her own. There is no harm in that. I mean sometimes there are things you simply dont want to share with anyone and that is perfectly fine. But, sometimes, some serets can come in the way of your happiness. What do you do then? What should you do? Well I guess if I had the answer to this question I wouldnt be writing all this down here now would I ;).

I never really gave this much thought, but yesterday I finished reading a book "The Memory Keeper's Daughter". The central idea of this novel revolved around this man who does something and decides to hide his deed from his wife, from the world. But as time goes by, he is burdned by it. He takes this secret to his grave, but destroys so many lives in the way. He believed what he was doing was right, that he was protecting his wife and family from pain and grief, but does not realise that this deed of his was causing more pain than reducing it.

It is not very uncommon. So many people go through their lives weighed down by the heavy load they carry around in their hearts. It starts with a simple harmless looking lie but as time goes by this lie keeps getting stronger and stronger untill it forms a thick iron wall around you which no-one can penetrate, however hard they try.

I wonder what makes them behave this way. Is it fear of being rejected? Or being considered a looser? Or like in he above case they feel that they are doing some good when in reality they are not.

There are times when we come across some people in our lives who touch our hearts in a special way maybe as a friend or sometimes something more. Why cant well ever tell them how we feel about them? We wait for the other person to make the first move and sometimes this wait lasts forever. Instead we prefer carrying this secret buried deep in our hearts, where it slowly starts to cause pain. I wonder if some poeple really enjoy this kind of pain.

I guess it is all a bit difficult for me to understand because uptill now I have never come across some situation when I have had to keep something from someone. OK, I am not talking about personal secrets of friends, those things are never meant to be revealed. Apart from this I am an open book. But then again like I always say, this is a personal view. Each person is different right.

God

Before I start off, I just want to say that I respect all the religions equally and am not trying to hurt anyone's beliefs of sentiments. I would just like to express my views on this subject. I am not an atheist ( as most people think ). I truly belive that there is some supreme power above us, looking after us, giving us strength in the tough times, giving us joy, and just being there for us when we need him. But still there is a part of me which just cannot accept some things.


Let me give an example. The other day during lunch time my aunt realised that the dabbawala had not come to collect my cousin's lunch. It was too late for anyone to go and give it to them. She was so upset, she could not eat her lunch thinking that her children would be hungry in school. Now think about this. Whenever I see my aunts and grandma praying towards the end they always say "Twameva mata, pitah twameva, twameva bandhu, sakha twameva" ( you are my mother, you are my father, you are my partner, you are my best friend). And yet they have these customs of fasting for an entire day for various things. My aunt could not bear to eat her food when her kids were hungry, then what about God? Wont he feel anything when he sees his children are going hungry? As a kid I never had to beg in front of my parents if I wanted something. I just had to tell them and if they thoughts my demands were not very unreasonable they would get it for me. Then why does everyone beg and plead and make deals with God? "Oh God I will stay hungry for x number of days, please give me a good husband." or " God I will visit your temple everyday, please make me successful." He is probably the only one who loves us unconditionally. He doesnt want anything in return, other than love. People travel long distances to visit the places of worship. They go on teerthyatras in search of peace and salvation. How do they manage to get that in the midst of a huge crowd is still a mystery to me. They hardly get a glimpse of the idol but still think that their journey has been successfull. They bribe the priests to stay a little while longer in front of the idol. I feel its all for namesake these days.I wonder how many of these people truly belive in all this.


I cannot look for God in clay idols no matter how beautiful they are. When I am upset or tensed, I just close my eyes, imagine a source o light, strong and shining bright. I tell him "Dear God, this is what has been troubling me. I am not going to be worried over it. It is your headache please take care of it for me." And he does! When I am feeling sad, I tell him "I dont want to be sad, please take away my tears", and they disappear. He is my father, mother, brother, sister, my best friend.


But then again, these is my POV. Maybe I am right, maybe I am wrong. I dont know. I just do what my heart tells me to.

A tryst with nature

Just the other day I was lamenting about my lack of interaction with mother nature and the opportunity landed in my lap yesterday . I had gone for an outing to Bhimashankar with my colleagues. The experience was out of this world. The beauty of nature never ceases to amaze me. We were walking up the hill, with cool breeze blowing around us and small streams of water beneath our feet. I think the sound of a flowing brook has to be the most soothing sound in the world. One can lie down for hours and listen to it. That's just what I felt like doing. The forest cover was so thick. We did not go inside the actual jungle, but the view! It is hard to explain in words. The hills were totally covered in the blanket of green. Sun rays were filtering through the clouds, which would sometimes cover it up completely.

For a moment I was actually worried that my lungs will not be able to stand the pure air for a long time, they are so used to breathing in the pollution everyday . But luckily for me, they survived. The best part came later though. After we had come down and everyone was just sitting around having a cup of tea, the clouds started rolling in. We were surrounded by a thick fog from all sides. There was no way I could sit inside the tea joint no matter how exhausted I was. I rushed outside, closed my eyes and just embraced the swirling mist. I was in heaven *sigh*, my own Neverland.

Cricket v/s Bollywood

I think cricket and bollywood are the two things all Indians are really crazy about. Liking something is one thing but being totally fanatic about it?? I just cannot digest it. What is even worse is that the film stars are all treated like Gods and the cricketers, well if they win a match they are God and if they loose they are Dogs. What the hell is this? If India looses a match, people will throw stones at the player's homes, burn their effigies, take out protest rallies and who knows what not. And if we win then oh they will be the heros of the nation.
On the other hand what about the film stars? Now consider the Sanjay Dutt case or even the Salman Khan case that is going on. Sanjay Dutt was involved in the Mumbai bomb blasts which killed so many people. Salman Khan charged for killing wild animals and running over someone sleeping on the footpath. What these guys did ended in taking innocent lives. Yet, they seem to have the full support of the nation. People are praying for their release. Why? Just because they are huge stars? Does this justify their actions?
Hell, we loose a measly match and people take is as a personal insult! On the other hand, their countrymen are dying for no fault of their own and the offenders are walking free while the mass is upholding them. How can people be such hypocrites!

I think I have said it a million times before. That I am a hopeless romantic and really believe in the "made for each other" kind of love. But today something happened which shattered my belief in it. Well to start off, in one of my earlier posts I had mentioned a guy, someone with whom I had fallen in love ( or thought I did ). Those days I was positively giddy about him. Heck I could not even string two words together whenever he came in front of me. But, after some time I realised that the feelings I had for him was just an attraction and nothing more. So after that we were just friends. I uses to think that he is a very cool guy. I was over him, but still respected him. He is funny, smart, used to treat me like lady. I felt good around him.

But today...today I found out what a total scumbag he is. I cannot go into the details as it is someone else's story. Someone whose heart was broken and crushed by him. When she asked him why all he could do was shrug and say "That's the way I am."

I was positively shocked to hear this. I admit that I am judging him based on only one side of the story, I dont know about him. But still, it does not give him any excuse to treat her like this. Ever since she has told me about this I cannot get it out of my head. In the evening I was just walking around the streets, trying to clear my head. I was actually walking in a trance.

You think you know someone, you trust him, and then you find out things like this and your world is upside down. Oh how I wish I could punch him and break his nose.