A couple of weeks back I was really upset about somethings going on in my life. I felt hurt, angry, upset. I kept quiet about it and the pain increased. When it had reached the boiling point, I knew I had to talk to someone, and then I spoke to him. My mentor, friend, guru, call it whatever. I told him what was bothering me and he told me the funda of "But & And". He said, it is the way you use these two words can make a lot of difference in your life.
You can say "I have XYZ but I dont have ABC". This way, you are telling others as well as yourself that you are unhappy with the way things are. And, if you keep repeating this to yourself, or keep thinking about it, the unhappier you will get.
Or you can say "I have XYZ and I dont have ABC". This way you are accepting the fact that you dont have that ABC and you are OK with it. It is the reality and you know it, and you have made peace with it. You know that there is nothing you can do to change the fact, and you are content with being where you are, with what you have.
The moment I heard this, it was like a weight is lifted off my chest. I was feeling lighter, happy and definitely more cheerful. Two simple words, but really powerful. They can make a world of a difference.
The next day, I was talking to him again and we started talking about regrets. We all have them, cannot escape them, but it is how you look at them matters.
You could say "What If I had done that, I wouldnt be in this position right now". Your mind would keep mulling it over and over and over and all you will keep thinking about is the time/thing you lost. You loose track of what is in front of you now.
You could also say, "Well it didnt happen, so what?" You just dismiss it off thinking one of the many things that happened to you or could happen to you. You dont want to dwell on it as you have other things to think about. You have moved on.
I had heard a lot of times before about how powerful language can be, but this is the first time I actually understood the difference a few words can make in your life, in your happiness :).