Who would you pick?

Last night I was sitting with my roomie and we were talking about the kind of person we would want to be our life partners. It all started with her meeting a prospective guy over the weekend. She is a lot like me, likes her freedom, is independent and would like to have a fun partner. This is how we categorized the male species:

The first type of guy very interesting, he is spontaneous, and you have great conversations with him, very open, very independent and adventurous. But, you cannot be sure of having that security with him. What if he just comes in one day and announces out of the blue that he has quit his job. Would he be responsible? Would he take care of you? Would you feel secure with him? Yes, there would be a lot of fun times with him, lot of laughter, lot of adventure, one wouldn’t get the cagey feeling you generally feel with the typical Indian men, and he would respect your space. He will let you be independent and he will not enforce his views on you. But on the down side, he would think about himself before thinking about you, he would be so very lost in his own world that he might not sometime realize that he has hurt you, he wouldn’t understand these things unless you directly tell him, and at times he might not be considerate towards your feelings either, you cannot have any expectations from him because you will end up with a broken heart. But then again, if you tell him honestly and directly how you feel, he would make sure that he does not repeat the same mistake again. He would take care of that. But to get there, you have to go through a lot of heartache. I have had first hand experience with such type ;). There are a few people who fit in this category.

The second type of guy is the alpha male of the pack. What he says goes. Oh he would

prefer a house wife but if she is working, of course, she has to be home before he gets home. She has to take care of him, his family, their home and her job while he just sits back in front of the TV, after work, and relaxes. Of course, since he has had such a long day he has every right to relax! But life with him is secure, also in other words boring. Nothing new, nothing different. He will care for you, provide for you and life will go on. Yawn! These are the most commonly available types.

Then there is the third type, well you really don’t know where to fit them. These types of guys are very very very rarely found. Maybe one in a thousand. But they are there. They would love you and care for you till no end, but at the same time expect you to know who the boss is around. They like your independence and respect it. They might even lend a hand in sharing the responsibilities of your house work, but not take over completely. You have some amount of fun with them, but life is not an adventure. The fun might be there initially, but it could wear off. They may be the fun and spontaneous types but when it comes to family they would know when to stop acting wild and take over some responsibility. Wow they almost seem perfect, but then there is just one flaw here, which I have mentioned above, that they are VERY RARE.

We kept thinking which category we would want our guy to fit in. Personally, I think that despite of all the heartache and pain I would still go in with the first guy. They don’t try to change you; they accept you for who you are. They are very open about everything and expect you to be also. And as long as you are, it’s a smooth sailing. So yes, I would go with category #1. But then again, even though there are a few guys who fit that bill, they are still not easily found.

NB: I listed these categories just based on what I know, if there are any additions/changes, feel free to add.

"But" & "And"; "What if" & "so what"

A couple of weeks back I was really upset about somethings going on in my life. I felt hurt, angry, upset. I kept quiet about it and the pain increased. When it had reached the boiling point, I knew I had to talk to someone, and then I spoke to him. My mentor, friend, guru, call it whatever. I told him what was bothering me and he told me the funda of "But & And". He said, it is the way you use these two words can make a lot of difference in your life.
You can say "I have XYZ but I dont have ABC". This way, you are telling others as well as yourself that you are unhappy with the way things are. And, if you keep repeating this to yourself, or keep thinking about it, the unhappier you will get.
Or you can say "I have XYZ and I dont have ABC". This way you are accepting the fact that you dont have that ABC and you are OK with it. It is the reality and you know it, and you have made peace with it. You know that there is nothing you can do to change the fact, and you are content with being where you are, with what you have.
The moment I heard this, it was like a weight is lifted off my chest. I was feeling lighter, happy and definitely more cheerful. Two simple words, but really powerful. They can make a world of a difference.


The next day, I was talking to him again and we started talking about regrets. We all have them, cannot escape them, but it is how you look at them matters.
You could say "What If I had done that, I wouldnt be in this position right now". Your mind would keep mulling it over and over and over and all you will keep thinking about is the time/thing you lost. You loose track of what is in front of you now.
You could also say, "Well it didnt happen, so what?" You just dismiss it off thinking one of the many things that happened to you or could happen to you. You dont want to dwell on it as you have other things to think about. You have moved on.

I had heard a lot of times before about how powerful language can be, but this is the first time I actually understood the difference a few words can make in your life, in your happiness :).

To work or not to work

The other day, in the bus on my way to office, I was talking to a friend of mine and was badgering him about being a workaholic. He comes to office at regular time, but stays back late almost everyday on top of that when he is not going out, he works on weekends too. Which according to me is being a workaholic. But when I called him that he was like, "wow you really think so?? you think I am a workaholic!! I am so happy to hear that! Because I think i can and should do more" I was stumped when I heard this. I never realised that being called a workaholic would be a compliment to someone!!
I like my work, and I do it with full sincerity, but that does not mean I will devote my entire life to it. Why do we work? I could give some idealistic answer to this question by saying that because we really feel that we are achieving our life's purpose by doing this and blah blah....which could be true in a few cases. But realistically speaking, for most people, we work to make money which yes, I agree is needed to a certain extent. Hey I wouldnt be able to go for my salsa parties if I didnt have this money ;). But this is beside the point.
What I am trying to say is that, yes, it is agreed that we need to work in order to lead comfortable lives, but that does not mean that we work our asses off and make come to a stage where "work is our life and our life is our work." We are young, with no responsibilities as of now, this is such a perfect time to learn something new, to live our lives to the fullest. I am not saying that we cannot do that once we get married or older, but if we get into the habit of just existing for our work and nothing but our work, would we ever be able to get out of this quicksand? It will just suck us in. Even as I write this, I realise that even though I am enjoying my life to the fullest as well as doing my best in the work, I am sure I can do more and much more on the personal front. And I will!