What Salsa means to me

The first thing that comes in mind when people hear the word "salsa" is sexy ladies in sequined dresses and high heels twirling around the dance floor lead by a handsome guy on the beat of a saucy Latin number. But if you really get into the heart of it there is more to it than just the music and the steps. Its the emotions involved with those movements which makes the dance so special. Each step speaks a story in itself. It describes a relationship in all its stages.

First there is  the glance, the connections that the eyes make when they spot their partner. And if you can hold on to that connection throughout the dance, you know you got something special. Then comes the simple flirting. The back and forth game of both the partners testing the waters, with the Basic step. They want to see if how far can this game go. And then things get a bit serious and the fun begins!! 
Salsa is about flirting, about love, about passion about trust. For that moment on the floor he owns her. She is his to do what he wants and he takes that responsibility seriously and is a perfect gentleman. She knows that he will not let any harm come her way. He wants to show her off to the world. Show off the fact that she is with him. He knows that while dancing all eyes will be on her and he will just be a background presence and he is OK with that. She does her best so that she looks good for him.
With each turn he leads her into, he tries to imagine what his life would be without her and the moment she turns away he cannot bear it and pulls her back towards him. At the same time he knows that there are times when they both need their own space. And so, when he leaves her to do her shines while he is doing his, he knows that there is a chance that she might just walk away, or might get whisked away by another partner, but he has that faith in her and the confidence in himself that she will come back to him.. The same for her, she knows that when he is letting her go, it might be for good. But in the end they both come back to each other (or find a new partner ;) ). With each drop he lets her know that no matter how hard she falls he will always be there to catch her and lift her up. Every time they get tied in a lock they know that no matter how tricky the situation is they will come out of it sooner or later.
All these stories, these feelings, these emotions form the beautiful dance of Salsa, and  I have just listed a very tiny portion of it and I hope I have done justice to it. There is still so much to explore.
Ps. This is just my personal interpretation of the dance. There can be different thoughts too! :)

In one of my previous posts I mentioned how relationships are so fragile that they need to be nurtured like a baby. How, every moment, we need to ensure that nothing happens to rip it apart. At the same time, it does not mean that nothing will ever go wrong in the relationship. That life will be perfect and you will be the perfect made-for-each other lovey-dovey couple. Of course there will be rough times, there will be fights, and there will be moments of separation, moments of insanity when you hate each other so much that you would want to kill them! The balance between the good times and the bad, this is what constitutes a relationship, making it perfect.

But does this mean that we get scared of the challenges, and just turn our backs when something bad happens? Just take the easy way out and latch on to someone else? Then what, if something goes wrong in the other relationship you would leave that and go to some third person?? How long will this go on?? How long will you keep jumping from one person to another? This is not what committed relationship is all about.

Babies fall sick too, but that doesn’t mean we abandon them and try for another one! We take care of them; look after them, till they are well and happy again. Why cant people do the same for their relationships? Why cant they just be patient and look after it step by step. It may take time to recover, but recover it definitely will. Ok, I am not saying all relationships are worth preserving. There are some people who are just not meant to be together, for them I guess it’s just as well that they realize the fact as soon as possible and go their own ways before its too late. But then again, sometimes I also wonder if people hold on to something that is not meant to be just because of the fear of being alone.

There is nothing complicated about it, if you see the bigger picture. It’s either meant to be or not. If it is meant to be then you constantly work on it to keep it alive, if its not then its bye-bye. It’s just us who make it so complicated. Who bring in our egos, our pride, our fears, our insecurities in the middle and make a mess of the whole thing.

Sure everyone makes mistakes. It is life’s way to teach us important lessons. But do we really learn from them? There is a first time for everything, so of course there is a first time to fall flat in your face also. But does that mean you keep setting yourself up to fall like this? You will soon end up in a state where you will be too tired to get up.

It just angers me to see people treating something so beautiful, so casually. Just blame it on some external factor. I wish people would just realize the value of relationships, realize how beautiful life can be if they just cherish what they have. I wonder if that is a bit too much to ask for.

Cognitive Dissonance

Today a friend of mine told me about a psychological term known as “cognitive dissonance”. In simple layman’s language, it is described as “the feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time.” This is what I understood about it:
I guess we can at times describe it as the conflict between the head and the heart. Your head believes in something that is right, defining how things should be and what is the right way to go. Whereas your heart, the impulsive, non-thinking decision maker, just does what it wants to. And if the head is not able to control the heart at the right time, you will end up in the situation which will result in a conflict in your mind.
This is all well and good. It explains why people at times say something and do something else. Why at times we see people going against their “principles” and end up doing what their heart desires. I guess when it comes to this; there is a dissonance in my mind too. What should we do in such situations? What is the right way to go?

On one hand, I feel that one must always stand true to his/her principles. If you believe stealing is bad, then you have no right to steal and then say the circumstances were difficult and I had to do it. I hate it when people will go around looking down on someone because of certain qualities that person might have and they themselves cannot follow their own principles.
On the other hand, I feel why should one be bound by the rules of the head all the time? What is wrong in listening to your heart and going with the flow once in a while? You cannot live your life as a rule book; you cannot just define how you would behave in a particular situation. You may think a certain thing about yourself, but when you yourself land in a certain situation, the circumstances might induce you to behave in another way.

I guess this is why my mind is forever in a conflicting state. What is someone did something like this and ended up hurting you? Would you be able to forgive that person? Would you be able to forgive yourself? Even if you forgive, would you ever be able to forget? Would the wounds ever heal? You would be able to move on yes, but would that person ever get your trust again? What is done is done, there is nothing you can do to change it, but do you really want to go on thinking about it? Or is it better to just forget about everything and vow never to make the same mistake again?
Life teaches us lessons with every experience we have. We must never let the learning opportunity slip by us. But at the same time, is it really that easy to forget the pain and the hurt?

Hmm I think I am digressing, I guess looking at everything in a broader picture, I would say that one must follow the heart yes, but there are times when you have to consider another person. In that case one must always take a step back and see if in following their heart, would they hurt the other person. If yes, then just let it go, stop listening to the heart. Listen to your mind.
But then, would it mean that this will drown this voice of your heart? Damn this conflict is never ending!! sigh!!

Note: My friend pointed me to this verse in todays paper which is coincidentally related to what I mentioned above:
The Battlefield at the Kurukshetra is the human mind. It is always in conflict, faced with the freedom to choose without wisdom. The owner of the chariot is the ego or jivatma. The body is the chariot, a vehicle by means of which a life of dharma or ethical living may be achieved. The intellect is the charioteer (Krishna), and with such a person steering the course, success in any endeavour is assured. The five horses are the five sense organs. The road ahead is littered with the sense objects the mind runs after. The mind is the reins, and when it is calm and collected, it can control the sense organs from running wild and taking the wrong paths.

A trip down memory lane

Ok so Ms. Adisha tagged me on this one..but unlike her I am not a narcissist...so i am not sure if I will be doing justice to this..but what the heck will try to reach the 25 mark....

1) When I was a little kid, and would go out with the family, the moment we would start nearing the house, I would pretend to fall asleep so that my dad could carry me in. I was caught smiling so many times, but he never seemed to mind :).

2) My mom had made me join Kathak classes, I would enjoy them so much that I would start dancing in the streets.

3) I always always always hated studying, would hide some book between my study books and read that in between when no one was around.

4) I had made my younger brother eat the leaves of some plant (dont remember the name, all I remember is that it smelled like garlic), telling him that it is very good for the teeth. Got chased by him around the garden when he found out that I had tricked him.

5) In one of the pool dinner parties at my dad's friend's house, one of the aunty's was making chicken starters, the moment the first batch came out, me along with 2 of my friends, finished up the entire plate before it even reached the others. We were banned from coming near it the rest of the night.

6) When I was in Bhopal, every year before holi, us along with some family friends would always go out in hunt for some special flowers which come only during that time. We would pluck them and get them home and try to make colors out of it. We never succeeded, but it was fun.

7) When I was in the 5th standard, we had gone to manali. On one of the days we had stopped near a plum orchard, when all the parents were busy making purchases, we kids sneaked into the orchard and filled our pants with as many plums as possible. Soon our pants were sliding down. Our parents didnt notice it till the time we were in the bus, when they did, they were furious, and they made us go back to those people and apologize. Luckily for us, they were very kind hearted and laughingly told us that it was ok and refused to take payment for the same.

8) When we had shifted to Goa and I joined the new school, during the first music lesson, our sir had taught us "Leaving on a Jet Plane". I was so touched by it that I started crying in the class.

9) When we were kids and our parents would sit and watch movie and some scary scene would come, I would go and hide behind the sofa and drag my brother along with me. He used to have no clue about why the hell am I doing that, but would just come behind me.

10) When I was in the 6th standard, in Goa, my best friend had bought a dog. We used to go over to each others place to spend the day there. At that time I was very afraid of dogs. I was visiting her and I had asked her to tie up her dog before I entered. She didnt and the moment I entered the big furry German Shepard got all excited and climbed on top of me. His forepaws were on my shoulders and I was staring right into his barking mouth. I dont think I have ever screamed so loud!!

11) In the third year of our engineering, during the monsoon season, my friends and I used to just hang out around college, and wander around in the rain. We would keep our stuff in someone's room and just walk around in the rain. Then we would go to the cafeteria and have a steaming hot cup of coffee. *sigh* I miss that.

12) When I had just learned to ride a two-wheeler and had started going around on my kinetic, many times, I would just pick up the bike and roam around through the green tree lined streets of Goa, during the rains! All by myself!! :)

13) Our last holi in bhopal had started out very dull. Usually our family friends would all get together at someone's place and celebrate it. This time, while planning everyone seemed to be busy with something or the other so they said they couldnt make it. I was very disappointed thinking that it would be my worst holi ever. Since I would soon be leaving all of them and going to a new place. As the day went by, one by one, people started coming over. When more and more people came, we called up the rest of them and forced them to come too. Soon the entire gang was assembled at our place. We removed the cover of the water tank behind our house and poured color in it and jumped in it. It turned out to be my best holi ever :).

14) When we used to come to my grandma's place for summer holidays, we would sleep in my grandparent's room. In the middle of the night I would wake up many times with my grandpa's snores. I used to belive that there is a tiger loose somewhere out and if I make any noise it would come in. I would just close my eyes tight and will myself to go back to sleep.

15) When I was in the 6th standard, we had a group of 4 girls. After our lunch, we would get together in the school shed below and play the game of famous five. Only there was just the 4 of us. We called it our secret game, so holy that we had made a pact that we would not divulge the details of the game to anyone. And the person who does that will be banned from the group forever. (I feel so stupid now).

16) When I was in the 4th standard, our dance school was putting up a classical dance performance for doordarshan. Instead of playing the songs on the radio one of the teachers were singing all the songs. During my groups dance performance, she skipped a paragraph and went to the next one. Even though we had realized the mistake we decided to go ahead with our steps. My mood was off for the rest of the day. I did not go back to the school untill my sir called my mom and assured me that he is not angry with me.

17) Two years ago I had gone home for vacation and 2 days before I was supposed to leave for here, I slipped while coming out of the bathroom and got a hairline fracture in my foot. I spent 3 horrible weeks in a cast. I removed it a day beofre my birthday. When I came back from the hospital I saw that my mom had made the most wonderful chocolate-cherry cake. We all finished it in 2 hours. She had to bake another one for my birthday.

18) After I came back from my leg breaking vacation, there was a salsa party and a friend forced me to come for it. I was having a hard time watching others dance while I just sat in a corner. One of my friend then came over to me and lead me to the dance floor and made me dance. I didnt feel the pain of the broken foot at all :D.

19) I hate to admit this but the reason I had joined the salsa classes was because I had a massive crush on a guy. Later I fell in love with dancing, and keep falling in love with it everyday!!!

20) When I was in the 10th standard, I would sit out in the balcony and study. All the people around in the colony would see me study and keep praising me because I am study so seriously. Little did they know that 80% of the time, I would either be reading a hidden novel or be off in the dream land.

21) The first time I ever sang on stage was for an office party. A friend of mine wanted to sing a duet with someone and he pulled me along with him. I don't have a very loud voice so when we were doing the final stage practice (the first practice with a mic), I found that even though I am singing my loudest on the mic, only the people who were standing around me could hear me. Fortunately I had got a very loud mic during the performance, in the middle of which my friend asked me to give him my mic. I absolutely refused to. Later he told me that he was asking me for the mic as there was something wrong with his!! I was so embarrassed.

22) A couple of months back, I needed a time away from everything so I decided to go on a trip alone. I went to Matheran. After a lot of initial hassles I reached there in the middle of the afternoon. I was tired, hungry and feeling hot as hell. Wanted to crash in the first hotel I could find. But they refused to give me a single room. When I was turned down by the second place too, I asked them for the reason and they told me that they do not give out rooms to single people because they are afraid that the guests might commit suicide. I didnt know whether to laugh out loud or just slap the guys face!

23) I had gone out for dinner with my friends. They had a 2 member live band out there and they were playing all sorts of songs ranging from oldies to rock. There were not many people around so initially we got up and started dancing in the little space that was avaialable. Then as we got tired, we just sat and listened to the great music, singing on top of our voices. We sat there and sang the night away. I was still on a high the next day.

24) Last June, we had gone out for a picnic during my friend's birthday. It was raining slightly, green all around. We pulled up on to the side of the road to cut the cake. Once we were done hogging, we put on loud music and danced in the middle of the road.

25) When I was in college and still staying at my grandma's place, my crazy friends had come over for lunch. A new guy had moved in next door and he used to stay alone and his friends would come over at times. I had told my friends about him. My aunt's kitchen opens out to the balconey from one side. And this balcony looks out into the balcony of the house next door. We were all in the kitchen and my friends wanted to look at the cute guy next door. They opened the connecting door and started walking out while peeping into his house. Only to see that he and all his friends were standing out in their balcony looking at us staring at them!!! We turned back and ran inside.

Phew finally done, its hard to stop once you get started. So I guess I will have to tag people now. Not many to tag, Dreamer, Ramer, Shal thats it I suppose.

The power above

Its really strange how at times you feel that the entire powers in the universe are coming together to make things wrong for you. But whats even stranger that there are times when these same powers come together to make things absolutely perfect for you. To bring a smile on your sad face. Times like these your faith is restored, and you feel lucky to be alive.
I have had so many experience like this, whenever I am feeling sad or lonely, its as if everywhere I turn around, there are things happening to make me feel better. To cheer me up. In some kinds of actions or maybe the words I read somewhere.
For eg, yesterday, I was feeling a bit low because I was saying goodbye to a close friend of mine. Or rather he was saying bye to me. I was hurt and angry, angry at him. My head was getting heavier by the minute. I just logged on to a site and casually checked my horoscope. It said "You will be saying good bye to someone close. It may seem that everything is going wrong but its for the best." The moment I read that I realised that its true, it is for the best. A little while after that I got a story from my mentor in a mail forward, the bottom line of that was "Never keep the key to your happiness in someone else's hand."

It is not a new or some extraordinary saying. It is something all of us have heard at one point or the other. But we keep forgetting about it. Reading that story, those words, made me realise something that I had forgotten. The fact that I had once decided to live my life according to this principle and somewhere over time it faded away.

It does not mean that you would be truly happy if you live your life as a hermit. All it says that wether you are happy or sad, its your choice. No matter what the situation is, its upto you to think how you want to react to it. Would you let someone eles's bad mood spoil yours? You have no right to blame someone else for your pain. Its you, its you all around. You just have to realise it.

And of course, whenever you forget, the big guy up there, is sure to send some signs to remind you. You just have to keep a look out for them. :)

Who would you pick?

Last night I was sitting with my roomie and we were talking about the kind of person we would want to be our life partners. It all started with her meeting a prospective guy over the weekend. She is a lot like me, likes her freedom, is independent and would like to have a fun partner. This is how we categorized the male species:

The first type of guy very interesting, he is spontaneous, and you have great conversations with him, very open, very independent and adventurous. But, you cannot be sure of having that security with him. What if he just comes in one day and announces out of the blue that he has quit his job. Would he be responsible? Would he take care of you? Would you feel secure with him? Yes, there would be a lot of fun times with him, lot of laughter, lot of adventure, one wouldn’t get the cagey feeling you generally feel with the typical Indian men, and he would respect your space. He will let you be independent and he will not enforce his views on you. But on the down side, he would think about himself before thinking about you, he would be so very lost in his own world that he might not sometime realize that he has hurt you, he wouldn’t understand these things unless you directly tell him, and at times he might not be considerate towards your feelings either, you cannot have any expectations from him because you will end up with a broken heart. But then again, if you tell him honestly and directly how you feel, he would make sure that he does not repeat the same mistake again. He would take care of that. But to get there, you have to go through a lot of heartache. I have had first hand experience with such type ;). There are a few people who fit in this category.

The second type of guy is the alpha male of the pack. What he says goes. Oh he would

prefer a house wife but if she is working, of course, she has to be home before he gets home. She has to take care of him, his family, their home and her job while he just sits back in front of the TV, after work, and relaxes. Of course, since he has had such a long day he has every right to relax! But life with him is secure, also in other words boring. Nothing new, nothing different. He will care for you, provide for you and life will go on. Yawn! These are the most commonly available types.

Then there is the third type, well you really don’t know where to fit them. These types of guys are very very very rarely found. Maybe one in a thousand. But they are there. They would love you and care for you till no end, but at the same time expect you to know who the boss is around. They like your independence and respect it. They might even lend a hand in sharing the responsibilities of your house work, but not take over completely. You have some amount of fun with them, but life is not an adventure. The fun might be there initially, but it could wear off. They may be the fun and spontaneous types but when it comes to family they would know when to stop acting wild and take over some responsibility. Wow they almost seem perfect, but then there is just one flaw here, which I have mentioned above, that they are VERY RARE.

We kept thinking which category we would want our guy to fit in. Personally, I think that despite of all the heartache and pain I would still go in with the first guy. They don’t try to change you; they accept you for who you are. They are very open about everything and expect you to be also. And as long as you are, it’s a smooth sailing. So yes, I would go with category #1. But then again, even though there are a few guys who fit that bill, they are still not easily found.

NB: I listed these categories just based on what I know, if there are any additions/changes, feel free to add.

"But" & "And"; "What if" & "so what"

A couple of weeks back I was really upset about somethings going on in my life. I felt hurt, angry, upset. I kept quiet about it and the pain increased. When it had reached the boiling point, I knew I had to talk to someone, and then I spoke to him. My mentor, friend, guru, call it whatever. I told him what was bothering me and he told me the funda of "But & And". He said, it is the way you use these two words can make a lot of difference in your life.
You can say "I have XYZ but I dont have ABC". This way, you are telling others as well as yourself that you are unhappy with the way things are. And, if you keep repeating this to yourself, or keep thinking about it, the unhappier you will get.
Or you can say "I have XYZ and I dont have ABC". This way you are accepting the fact that you dont have that ABC and you are OK with it. It is the reality and you know it, and you have made peace with it. You know that there is nothing you can do to change the fact, and you are content with being where you are, with what you have.
The moment I heard this, it was like a weight is lifted off my chest. I was feeling lighter, happy and definitely more cheerful. Two simple words, but really powerful. They can make a world of a difference.


The next day, I was talking to him again and we started talking about regrets. We all have them, cannot escape them, but it is how you look at them matters.
You could say "What If I had done that, I wouldnt be in this position right now". Your mind would keep mulling it over and over and over and all you will keep thinking about is the time/thing you lost. You loose track of what is in front of you now.
You could also say, "Well it didnt happen, so what?" You just dismiss it off thinking one of the many things that happened to you or could happen to you. You dont want to dwell on it as you have other things to think about. You have moved on.

I had heard a lot of times before about how powerful language can be, but this is the first time I actually understood the difference a few words can make in your life, in your happiness :).

To work or not to work

The other day, in the bus on my way to office, I was talking to a friend of mine and was badgering him about being a workaholic. He comes to office at regular time, but stays back late almost everyday on top of that when he is not going out, he works on weekends too. Which according to me is being a workaholic. But when I called him that he was like, "wow you really think so?? you think I am a workaholic!! I am so happy to hear that! Because I think i can and should do more" I was stumped when I heard this. I never realised that being called a workaholic would be a compliment to someone!!
I like my work, and I do it with full sincerity, but that does not mean I will devote my entire life to it. Why do we work? I could give some idealistic answer to this question by saying that because we really feel that we are achieving our life's purpose by doing this and blah blah....which could be true in a few cases. But realistically speaking, for most people, we work to make money which yes, I agree is needed to a certain extent. Hey I wouldnt be able to go for my salsa parties if I didnt have this money ;). But this is beside the point.
What I am trying to say is that, yes, it is agreed that we need to work in order to lead comfortable lives, but that does not mean that we work our asses off and make come to a stage where "work is our life and our life is our work." We are young, with no responsibilities as of now, this is such a perfect time to learn something new, to live our lives to the fullest. I am not saying that we cannot do that once we get married or older, but if we get into the habit of just existing for our work and nothing but our work, would we ever be able to get out of this quicksand? It will just suck us in. Even as I write this, I realise that even though I am enjoying my life to the fullest as well as doing my best in the work, I am sure I can do more and much more on the personal front. And I will!

What attracts one person to another? When I am talking about attraction, I don’t just mean the pull between lovers, I am talking about the pull between any 2 random people. Why is it that sometimes you meet someone, maybe even for a short while, and you think that you have known that person forever and feel an immediate connection to him/her? It’s not where you are from, how you look, what your age or sex or religion is. It’s how you think, how you see, how you feel. Recently I read in a friends blog “Enjoyment exists only among like minded people”. And that says it all. You can probably have a good time freaking out with almost anyone, but its only when you are in the company of like minded people that you truly enjoy yourself to the fullest.

When we were kids, my parents used to make me and my brother do to all weddings and parties and we used to keep cribbing that we will get bored as we will not have anyone of our own age there. Now that I think about it, I see that most of my real close friends, with whom I can talk very openly are older/younger than me. I realize that age really doesn’t matter. But then again, someone once told me, “You may be 24 years old but you talk like a 40 year old person.” I am still trying to figure out if it was a compliment or not.

There are a lot of people around me who think we are friends, but for me they are just mere acquaintances. I am not trying to put them down but just trying to say that just because I spend so much time with them does not necessarily mean I feel connected to them. Then there are some people, with whom I felt that connection from the moment I interacted with them for the first time.

Its so strange, the way the nature works! Strange how you can be a stranger to a person you spend most your time with and be the best friend of a person you meet just once. I hope I find my soul mate in one of these best friends.

The power of music!!!

"Music is what feelings sound like" How true is that...I don't think there is a single person on this planet who is left untouched by the beauty of it. It is everywhere, from the moment you wake up till the time you go off to sleep, it surrounds you wherever you go. There is something about it which touches your soul deep inside and brings you to life!
I remember 2 weeks ago I had gone with my friends to this place for dinner. I had had a real tiring week, lack of sleep and loads of work. I was wondering if I could survive the night. They had a live band playing there. Not much, just 2 guys, one on the keyboard and the other on the guitar. But they were so alive! And although the crowd out there wasn't much responsive we had a blast! 3 continuous hours of non stop singing (and a bit of a dancing). The songs ranged from old country to soft romantics to soft rock! By the time I left from there it felt as if someone has infused life back in me. I felt so alive!
Exactly one week later, last Thursday, I went to a music concert. It was a western classical music performance by a group of French artists. Just 4 people, one on Cello, one on the Piano, one on Violin and one on the Viola. But they created magic that night! The music was so soulful. There were times when I had tears in my eyes, and some other times I just sat there wishing for someone to hold on to as I listen to it. It touched you right inside, and as the tempo rose you could actually feel yourself holding your breath. It felt as if I was watching a live opera or a play, tragic at times and sometimes playful. It was something I had never heard before. Yes, I listen to Mozart and Bach tracks, but live music! Now that is another story itself!
Sometimes I try to imagine the world without music and all I can feel is that it would be so empty. So lifeless. All I can say while ending is:
"Thank you for the music, the songs I am singing.
Thanks for all, the joy they are bringing.
Who can live without it, I ask in all honestly, what would life be?
Without a song or dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me" :)

Moments

Every once in a while, life gives us some moments, something so special, its there in front of you for a short while and if you dont grab it then, its gone, lost forever and you are left with a little regret that you let it go. You wish for them to come back, but they dont. Its like opportunity is hammering on your door and you just close your eyes and go to sleep.
Something happened to me a while back. We were strolling around in a mall, we came out of a shop and the moment we stepped out the familiar tune of a hindi song started on the music player all around. The song was a waltz song. The moment i heard that and saw the empty floor all around me the thought that popped up in my head "I so want to dance!" Before I could say anything he turned to me and with a smile on his face asked me if I wanted to dance. I was floored and all I could do was stare at him. But for some reason i panicked and said no and pulled him along outside. Till this day I regret it. Till this day I wish that I could go back to that moment in time and say "Yes! Yes I want to dance with you!" *Sigh* but I can't. I let the magic slip from my hands.
These moments are meant for our hearts. They come from the heart and are directed towards our heart. In times like these if we let our minds come in between and analyze it, we will loose them. All I want to say is, if you are blessed with some moment like this in your life, dont think! Dont think about what someone would say or what they would think about you. Just grab it, grab it with both your hands and revel in the joy you feel. Enjoy every second of it. They will never come back, you can probably stage the whole thing again but the essence behind it would be lost. These things are not staged, they just come. Recognize them! Cherish them!

The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine and we started talking about relationships. He said to me, ‘Relationships should be nurtured, like a baby.’
What a simple way of describing something that most people don’t understand. How many times a relationship falls apart because the people involved in it didn’t spend enough time working on it, didn’t give it much importance? I am not just talking about romantic relationship here; it could be a relationship between friends, parents and children with anyone. They all need to be treated with the same respect and given, maybe not equal, but some importance.
When a baby is growing up, his each and every movement is watched closely, everything that can hurt him is moved out of the way, and everyone tries their best to always keep him smiling and laughing. Everyone takes care of him, love him, and protect him. Why? Because, babies are fragile and delicate.
The same goes for our relationships, they are so fragile that a small shred of mis-understanding, un-certainty can break it into tiny un-repairable shreds. In case of babies, everyone around them can see how delicate and how fragile they are and which is why they all rush to make sure that he is happy and taken care of. In case of relationships, it is not something that we can see, but something we need to feel. Something we need to understand. But most of us don’t and which is why many a times these relationships go for a toss. They are taken for granted and then gradually fade away.
People go running behind lucrative careers and trying to make as much money as possible in this short span of life. There is nothing wrong in that. Nothing wrong in wanting a comfortable lifestyle but in wanting that lifestyle people forget what is the one most important thing in their life. It is relationships that surround them and the people who are with them. When I talk about relationships I do not only mean the one that you have with the other people but also the one that you have with yourself. I believe that unless you are at peace with yourself there is no way you can have a harmonious relationship with anyone else around you.
But then I think for some reason everyone wants to see something tangible in front of their eyes in order to believe it or take care of it. “Seeing is believing” cannot be applied in every situation now can it? I guess these days the hopeless romantic in me has awoken again. It had taken a back seat for quite some time. But now that it is up and running, I have started given these things a lot of thoughts again. About why is it that people put money over their relations? Why do people take others for granted? When I talk about romance I don’t just mean the ‘girl-boy’ thing. It could be with anyone. Who says there cannot be romance between you and your friend? It is there everywhere, all around us, all we have to do is open ourselves up to it and feel it.
I am a huge fan of regency romances. All the courting and ball room dancing in the Victorian times. Every time I read any such book or watch any such movie, it makes me wish immediately that I was back in those times being courted with poetry, with music, with dancing. Yes, I do admit that the lives back then must have been pretty boring compared to what we have now, but boy all those fine gentlemen with their charms, the hand written letters *sigh*. In those days they believed in the romance, in the magic behind it. Now it has slowly faded away and I am afraid that it will die soon. I know I know I am a huge ambassador for change, and keep saying that change is the one constant thing in our life and we not only have to accept it but celebrate it. But one can still wish that some things remain the same through the times right? Even if its in dreams.

Today i was feeling very sleepy at work..three nights of not sleeping properly had taken its toll finally! So i decided to leave half an hour early and go for a walk in the garden. Just me and my music. I usually walk around with my head bent and lost in my own thoughts today was no different. But at one point i suddenly looked up, as if some force is asking me to. And the sight was something no words can describe. I tried to capture it in the camera but i dont think this picture can do any justice to it. Then i remembered that its full moon today. I must have seen it so many times in my 23 years yet it leaves me with a sense of wonder. There is something about it which is magical, and cannot be expressed. Am glad i decided to come out today :-)

Recently I read the following quote, “Life is a process of becoming, and a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” How true is this! Basically, in a simple language what it means that in order to live this life you have to accept the fact that there will be constant changes and you have to accept them. Not just blindly accept but learn to celebrate, to enjoy those changes.

At some point we all look back and see how it was earlier and miss what we had then but there are times when we fail to see what we have now. I always look back to my college days and wish that they had never gone away. But what I have now is not bad either. Yes, those sweet memories still remain and I miss the friends I had then. We all have our separate lives now and we have all moved on.

It is not easy to let go completely of what you had. The bittersweet memories will always remain. But that also does not mean that we have to live in our past. We have to learn to move on and to embrace new things. Unless we do that we will never be able to grow up.

There have recently been a lot of changes in my life and there are times when I look back at what my life was 2 months ago and how it is now. I miss a lot of things which I had earlier but then again I wouldn’t give up what I have now for anything.

I think more than the situations, we miss the people who were around us at that time. Some people come in our lives for a short time; they teach us so much and then slowly go away. We don’t like those changes; we want things to go back to the way they were. We want those people back. But in this wanting and longing, we forget to cherish the good times we had with them. Instead we keep concentrating on what we could have had more. It is hard to let go, I know. I have said good bye to so many friends. But I also know that no matter what I do those times will never come back. All I can do is close my eyes and think about those days, and let my mind wander to those places with those people. It never fails to bring a smile to my face. 

The other day in office we were all seeing a forwarded mail which contained some pics of an upcoming movie called “Dostana”. The movie is about two guys who pretend to be gay so that they can get to live in the apartment they want. As we were watching the pics, someone said “There was a time when parents used to worry about their sons marrying a white female when they went abroad, now they would probably worry about their son hooking up with a guy.”

I got real mad when I heard this. I asked them why it matters who a person decides to spend the rest of their lives with as long as they are happy. They replied saying that it is “un-natural” and it is due to so much hype created around the issue many people are turning towards it. I felt like screaming then. It is not as if a person gets up one morning and decides “Oh you know what I think I am going to be gay!” That is not how it works! We are attracted to the people of the opposite sex, which is natural to us; just like that there are some people who are attracted to persons of the same sex. That is natural to them. Where does the “un-natural” part come in this? I can never understand how some people can be so closed minded about certain issues. For them what they believe is right and everything else is all crap! I just wish people would open up their minds and hearts a little bit more.

That day I got so frustrated trying to talk to them about it. Then I realised that I am fighting a loosing battle. They had their minds made up and nothing that anyone can say would penetrate through that wall and make them see reason. But then again, that is their opinion. I am not saying that they should change their thinking just because I said something once, I just wish they would try and broaden their horizons and see that the world is not limited inside a nutshell..it is so huge..so vast…that it can never be limited…

Gee I am not sure if I am making any sense…I am half asleep over here..just had to put this down tho.. yawn…

I have been meaning to write this from a long time but never got around to doing it...now will finally do it...

I have seen so many people around me..all working for big MNCs and getting good pay and benifits but all they can do is crib about their job and how much it sucks!!! Then as i travel to work everyday i look at the people sitting in the toll booths or the guy who stands almost in the middle of the road trying to stop the non PMT bus traffic from going in the 'special' PMT lane or the guy who is given the job of painiting the roads or the road dividers...all these people working in scorching heat...pouring rain...despite the heavy traffic blowing all sorts of dust and other gases in their faces..are they happy with their jobs? the other day i was travelling in a PMT bus and the ticket collecter was a young guy not more than 18 year of age..he reminded me of my cousin who is now in an engineering college....looking at him i felt shouldnt he be studying somewhere? instead of spending his time roaming around in crowded buses collecting money from the passengers..but then again i think...isnt it better tht they are at least making an honest living (even tho meagre)..they can go back home and relax thinking that at least they got something back...way way better than begging on the sreets and turning to unlawful means to fill their stomach....

But still..times like these i feel grateful for what i have....and go to bed everyday thanking the God for what he has given me...how can anyone complain about it? but then again isnt it their right to be happy? it is not their fault that they have comfortable homes while others are living off the streets. but i just wish that pepole would just take some time out and see what they already have rather than wanting and longing for more and more..

a long time back..when i was still in college..i was once sitting with my friends and we suddenly decided to go to a circus...we wanted to revisit out childhood...so we went there...once there instead of looking at all the shows being put up by people around..all i could look at was the dismal conditions which those artists were living in...the tents were visible when entering the place...i actually had tears in my eyes lookng at them...and i also felt ashamed for demanding all sorts luxuries from my parents..

i do believe in karma and the fact that you get what you deserve...but still it is not easy to accept the unfairness of the life all around u...

The dark rain clouds were gathering far ahead. The sweet smell of earth was in the air. The excitement related with the approach of the first monsoon was reflected in the face of each child who was running around. Some children approached a tiny hut in a secluded corner of the village very expectantly, but were very disappointed with the sight that met their eyes and so they walked away silently.

He had watched their approach with half-heartedly. He knew that as always they will just come, take a look and then walk away; searching for something else that would attract their restless minds.

There was a time when this place was the center of all activities. Little girls in their brightly colored dresses and shiny bangles would crowd around him begging for another toy. The boys with their sun burnt skins and worn out dhotis would watch him tirelessly work miracles with his hands. People said he was a magician, who made magic not with tricks but with clay, wood and colors. He never had to argue with anyone regarding the price of his precious toys. There were many reasons for this, he never overpriced his goods, his goods were worth every anna he asked for it, so people didn’t mind paying him and lastly he could not argue. He was mute. God had never given him the gift of speech, but he gave him another gift. The ability to make wonders with his hands. A gift, which brought joyful smiles to so many young faces.

That day was a very special day for him. He had made his best ever piece. A harmonium. It was a very special instrument, different from all the other ones. Why? Simply because not only did it churn out the seven melodious notes of music, he had also captured the seven colors of the rainbow and put them in this little masterpiece of his. He had worked on it for days and now it was complete. He could just imagine the radiant smile on her face when he gave her this gift. His Sugandha. He let a sigh escape him. How he loved her. He still remembered the first time he saw her by the banks of the flowing river. The soft tinkle of her anklets as she walked around in the grass, that musical laugh as she shared jokes with her friends, those long dark hair falling on her back and those big eyes which could melt a mans heart to mush. He knew he loved her from the moment he saw her and felt like he was on seventh heaven when she looked at him and smiled. He thought he had died and gone to heaven. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, he wanted to pour out all his feelings for her but he could not. He could not say it. So he decided to tell her through his toys. From then on he would occasionally make a toy for her and bring it to her house. He would always tremble when her fingers would touch his while taking her gift. And he would revel in that feeling the entire day. She would just take the toy and line it up outside her house. And soon all the colors that he had put in them would just fade away into nothing. But he didn’t mind. His heart, blinded by love, failed to see the indifference in her eyes.

That day as he walked towards her home with the harmonium in his hand he was so sure that the moment she sees it she would jump for joy and run into his arms. He had imagined this scene over and over in his mind. His heart was singing as he walked along. It had been raining all day and sun had just come out. He had seized this moment to rush over to her place and give his gift as soon as possible.

As he was walking along he looked up and he saw something that mesmerized him. It was one of the most beautiful creations of God. It was a rainbow. He looked at it and he forgot all about what was going on around him, and all about where he was going. He stood there transfixed and his heart was filled with pure joy. He then realized something with a start and started running towards her house. He knew he had to show her. He looked at it as a sign from the heavens above. An opportunity, that God gave him to pour his heart out. He knocked urgently on her door and asked her through his signs to come with him immediately. She didn’t want to, she had just been gifted a new black dress by the Zamindar’s son and she wanted to show it off to all her friends. But he left her no choice; he almost dragged her with him to the banks of the same river where they had first met. He then pointed to the sky, the rainbow adorning it. She took one look at it and then started to admire her reflection in the surface of the water that had pooled up on the ground. He again tried to catch her attention and tell her how he had captured the colors of the rainbow in his little toy just for her. So that she would be surrounded by them forever. She shot him an irritated look and said, “But it is not complete!” In that moment he noticed her black dress and how happy she was with it. He realized that he could never be the one to bring color in her life. He was devastated.

It had stopped raining, but the storm inside his heard could not be calmed. Those rains had washed away the colors in his life too. That was exactly a year ago. Things had changed a lot since then. What used to be the life of the village now looked like a century old abandoned building. The magic was gone.

Today, as he sat and watched the raindrops fall from the sky, he was struck with a sudden idea. There was a light in his eyes which had been gone for quite some time. He jumped up from his charpai and rushed out of his hut. He ran from one hut to another asking everyone if they had any colors they could spare from him. The people of the village always had liked this magician of theirs. They readily poured their hearts out and gave him all they had. Soon his bag was full of colors. All sorts them. He then rushed back to his house and waited. As soon as the rains stopped, he picked up the bag and started running towards the river bank. Those who saw him thought that he had lost his mind. There was a crazy gleam in his eyes.

The moment he reached the banks, he threw down his bag and took out all his colors and opened them. He then took out his brush and started throwing these colors in the sky. There was a rainbow today too. It was an incomplete one. He thought that maybe, just maybe if he completes this, his Sugandha would come back to him and he would be the happiest person on this planet. He wanted to do this for her. But soon he realized that however much he tried, he just couldn’t paint the sky. Village magician he was, but not powerful enough to fuse his colors with the biggest magician there is. But he still didn’t stop. He kept going on and these words kept echoing in his head all the time:

Raang de do sabhi, dedo saare raang mujh ko abhi.

Indra-dhanush jo adhura hai, usse poora karana hai.

Aasmaan raangan hai, Mujhe aasmaan rangna hai

(Give all the colors, give me the colors now,

The rainbow is half done, and needs to be completed.

Have to color the sky, I have to paint the sky).

Finally his colors were over and overcome with the mental and physical exhaustion he fell onto his knees and started crying. He had failed. He could not complete the rainbow. His love would never come back to him.

“Your rainbow is already completed Suraj”. The voice was soft and sweet. It sounded as if all the seven notes were emanating from the throat and floating around in the air.

He thought he was dreaming and ignored it. “Just look in the pool beside you Suraj”. The same voice again. This time he did look up and look in the pool as it suggested. He clouded brain could not decipher anything in the beginning, but then the clouds clear away and he saw it. The rainbow that he had thought he could not complete was looking back at him, the full semi-circle of it. The colors that had fallen from his brush had completed the reflection of the rainbow from the sky. He eyes welled up with tears again. This time out of pure joy. The tears that fell from his eyes cleared away the colors from the water surface. And from those colors emerged a face, a face which reflected all the colors that he had painted. Whose eyes looked at him and only him. It was Saloni. They kept looking at each other silently for a long time and he knew that it was going to be all right. Life was going to be all right.

Disclaimer: The concept of this story is by one of my colleagues Ankit.

Recently after interacting closely with so many people around me I have noticed that even though they are all completely different from each other, there is one thing that most of them have in common, and that is loneliness. Many of them are surrounded by people who love them and care for them, many are not, yet they are all lonely. Every one has that longing for their own special someone and most of them have given up hopes of finding one.

In the olden times, people used to live in huge joint families and would get married to the girl/guy of their parents choice when the time came. They never knew what it was like to be lonely. To spend nights just gazing at the stars searching for a face in them. To go to sleep hugging a pillow because you need someone to hold on to. Coupled with the high stressed life that the youth of today lives in, it makes the things even worse.

I have noticed another thing, people who have never been in a relationship, do not really feel the pain and the longing as much. They might wish for the special someone, no doubt, but there wont be a desperation involved in that wish. Desperate, that is what most of the people these days have become. Its like they are drowning in stormy waters and they need to hold on to someone to rescue them out. They come out of the storm for some time and soon slip back again. And as the number of times they slip increases so does their pain and their desperation and their need. Because they cannot imagine what it is like to swim alone. They have become so used to that life support that they are sure to drown if it is not there.

There are a few lucky ones, I do not deny. Those who find their soulmates and are complete. But that is a very few percentage of people. I sometimes wonder if it is a healthy thing. I have claimed so many times that the person I love to spend my time the most is me myself. Which is why I suppose I never felt that desperate need for someone. Of course, the romantic books and movies do make me cry all the time and make me wonder if I will ever have that kind of love. But it is not as if my life would stop if I dont. Am I wierd? I really dont know..Maybe I am. Its just that whenever I see the pain my friends go through day in and day out and all the efforts they take to put on a brave face and smile it just hurts me. I do understand that it is something really special to share your life with that one person. Someone who knows you inside out and is there for you when you need them. But still that does not mean that you spend the rest of your life mooning over the ones who have left and gone.

Yes, it hurts when they go and we miss them, but we have to understand here that people in our life come and go and we miss some the rest we dont even remember after some time. Like someone once said, people come into our life for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime. If they come for a season then you have to believe that it was for a reason and a very good one. Once they go away, the seasons change and a new one soon comes, till that time you wait. And hey who said you are alone! You have yourself to keep you company right?

My extremly dumb but adorable dog..:-)

Whiners

Among all the categories of people one comes across in the walk of life there is one type whom i call the whiners. They have everything they need yet they want more but are not ready to work to get it, to take risks, to get off their a** and work towards getting what they desire. All they would do is sit and complain to anyone who is listening about how they wish they had blah blah. Now i know there are somethings which night always remain a wish as it is not practically possible to achieve it but there are some dreams that you can make come true right? There are times when i absolutly hate such people but there are times when i feel sorry for them too. I wonder if all they need is some push, some support from someone. But then just how much? I dont mine being there for someone who needs it, but for how long? It gets frustrating after some time if you are doing all you can to be there but the other person just uses your words your actions to feel comforted and get back to complaining. Times like these i think maybe i should stop but would it then mean that i am giving up on the person who needs me? Would it mean i am just abandoning him/her in the middle of no-where? How do you know when it is enough?