Just putting in my thoughts in words...

2009-07-29T03:12:00.001-07:00

In one of my previous posts I mentioned how relationships are so fragile that they need to be nurtured like a baby. How, every moment, we need to ensure that nothing happens to rip it apart. At the same time, it does not mean that nothing will ever go wrong in the relationship. That life will be perfect and you will be the perfect made-for-each other lovey-dovey couple. Of course there will be rough times, there will be fights, and there will be moments of separation, moments of insanity when you hate each other so much that you would want to kill them! The balance between the good times and the bad, this is what constitutes a relationship, making it perfect.

But does this mean that we get scared of the challenges, and just turn our backs when something bad happens? Just take the easy way out and latch on to someone else? Then what, if something goes wrong in the other relationship you would leave that and go to some third person?? How long will this go on?? How long will you keep jumping from one person to another? This is not what committed relationship is all about.

Babies fall sick too, but that doesn’t mean we abandon them and try for another one! We take care of them; look after them, till they are well and happy again. Why cant people do the same for their relationships? Why cant they just be patient and look after it step by step. It may take time to recover, but recover it definitely will. Ok, I am not saying all relationships are worth preserving. There are some people who are just not meant to be together, for them I guess it’s just as well that they realize the fact as soon as possible and go their own ways before its too late. But then again, sometimes I also wonder if people hold on to something that is not meant to be just because of the fear of being alone.

There is nothing complicated about it, if you see the bigger picture. It’s either meant to be or not. If it is meant to be then you constantly work on it to keep it alive, if its not then its bye-bye. It’s just us who make it so complicated. Who bring in our egos, our pride, our fears, our insecurities in the middle and make a mess of the whole thing.

Sure everyone makes mistakes. It is life’s way to teach us important lessons. But do we really learn from them? There is a first time for everything, so of course there is a first time to fall flat in your face also. But does that mean you keep setting yourself up to fall like this? You will soon end up in a state where you will be too tired to get up.

It just angers me to see people treating something so beautiful, so casually. Just blame it on some external factor. I wish people would just realize the value of relationships, realize how beautiful life can be if they just cherish what they have. I wonder if that is a bit too much to ask for.

Cognitive Dissonance

2009-06-25T03:48:00.000-07:00

Today a friend of mine told me about a psychological term known as “cognitive dissonance”. In simple layman’s language, it is described as “the feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time.” This is what I understood about it:
I guess we can at times describe it as the conflict between the head and the heart. Your head believes in something that is right, defining how things should be and what is the right way to go. Whereas your heart, the impulsive, non-thinking decision maker, just does what it wants to. And if the head is not able to control the heart at the right time, you will end up in the situation which will result in a conflict in your mind.
This is all well and good. It explains why people at times say something and do something else. Why at times we see people going against their “principles” and end up doing what their heart desires. I guess when it comes to this; there is a dissonance in my mind too. What should we do in such situations? What is the right way to go?

On one hand, I feel that one must always stand true to his/her principles. If you believe stealing is bad, then you have no right to steal and then say the circumstances were difficult and I had to do it. I hate it when people will go around looking down on someone because of certain qualities that person might have and they themselves cannot follow their own principles.
On the other hand, I feel why should one be bound by the rules of the head all the time? What is wrong in listening to your heart and going with the flow once in a while? You cannot live your life as a rule book; you cannot just define how you would behave in a particular situation. You may think a certain thing about yourself, but when you yourself land in a certain situation, the circumstances might induce you to behave in another way.

I guess this is why my mind is forever in a conflicting state. What is someone did something like this and ended up hurting you? Would you be able to forgive that person? Would you be able to forgive yourself? Even if you forgive, would you ever be able to forget? Would the wounds ever heal? You would be able to move on yes, but would that person ever get your trust again? What is done is done, there is nothing you can do to change it, but do you really want to go on thinking about it? Or is it better to just forget about everything and vow never to make the same mistake again?
Life teaches us lessons with every experience we have. We must never let the learning opportunity slip by us. But at the same time, is it really that easy to forget the pain and the hurt?

Hmm I think I am digressing, I guess looking at everything in a broader picture, I would say that one must follow the heart yes, but there are times when you have to consider another person. In that case one must always take a step back and see if in following their heart, would they hurt the other person. If yes, then just let it go, stop listening to the heart. Listen to your mind.
But then, would it mean that this will drown this voice of your heart? Damn this conflict is never ending!! sigh!!

Note: My friend pointed me to this verse in todays paper which is coincidentally related to what I mentioned above:
The Battlefield at the Kurukshetra is the human mind. It is always in conflict, faced with the freedom to choose without wisdom. The owner of the chariot is the ego or jivatma. The body is the chariot, a vehicle by means of which a life of dharma or ethical living may be achieved. The intellect is the charioteer (Krishna), and with such a person steering the course, success in any endeavour is assured. The five horses are the five sense organs. The road ahead is littered with the sense objects the mind runs after. The mind is the reins, and when it is calm and collected, it can control the sense organs from running wild and taking the wrong paths.

2009-06-01T01:27:00.000-07:00

“Goodbye’s the saddest word I’ll ever hear,

Goodbye’s the last time I will hold you near.”

I couldn’t get the words of this beautiful song by Celine Dion out of my head when I said the saddest goodbye of my life. A goodbye, which broke my heart in a million pieces, and the pain of which still remains with me. This goodbye was to my pet dog, Jackie.

He was a month old my brother got him to our house for the first time, 12 years ago. At that time I was terrified of dogs. Slowly that fear melted away and all that was left was just love and loads of affection for that little black puppy. I can’t remember the number of my dad’s pants he has chewed through sitting innocently at his legs, while he was teething. The way he would pick up any piece of cloth that would be dropped on the floor and make us chase him around the entire house for it or at times end up playing a game of “Dog and the Bone” with it. He used every opportunity there was to run out of the house only to loaf around on the streets and then come back with a very sheepish look on his face not meeting our eyes. He was perpetually hungry, even after he had had his food he would come and start begging for more treats if we were having something to eat. Just like kids, he hated fresh fruits and salads and loved sweets even though it was extremely harmful for him. His favorites were the chocolate chip “Hide and Seek” biscuits. He could beg continuously for hours if needed just for a bite of those. He would first just come and sit in front of us giving us a beseeching look, if that didn’t work he would just paw our legs and then he would take out the ace in his sleeve by just keeping his head on our laps. How could anyone refuse that!

My dad had a Tata Sumo and that was the only car he was allowed to ride in. So he thought he owned it. Whenever we went out in that car, leaving him behind, he treated it as a cardinal sin. He would bark the place down until we did something to make him quiet. Whenever he would be out on his wandering expeditions, he could hear and recognize the noise of that car from far away and would come chasing behind it whenever dad came home. He always had a big band of followers whenever he went. He never got into a fight with anyone. He was everyone’s friend (At times we would think that he would probably go and lick the hands of a thief if he came to rob our house). But whenever he went out with us, either in the car or for a simple walk, he would ignore all these friends of his as if he was too good for them.

My mom told me this incident. This happened after my brother had left for college. He was coming home for vacations. Dad picked him up at the bus stand and was driving him home. Mom had taken Jackie out for his walk. She doesn’t know how, but somehow he realized that my bro was on his way back (he was most attached to my bro) and dragged my mom towards the house. When they reached, the car was just pulling in.

He was the most enthusiastic greeter whenever any of us came home. He would be all over us, barking and licking and jumping. He was a sweetheart.

Then we moved to Bangalore. When dad was house hunting, we asked him to make sure that he chooses a flat in a society where pets are allowed. He saw a few places, liked one, asked the broker about the pet and he was reassured that we can keep him. But when we arrived we were duly informed by the society president that no pets are allowed in the society. And thus, we had to say goodbye to this adorable dog. We called up an organization which takes care of animals, asked them to come and pick him up. I think he sensed that there was something amiss, because the 2 days he stayed with us in Bangalore, he was extremely quiet. He would just sit quietly curled up in his corner. We all pampered him like anything. Then the fateful day came and the van arrived. We took him downstairs, and he got into the van without any protests. I am no Dr. Doolittle, but I know he was scared. The look in his eyes said so. He didn’t know what was happening to him. He didn’t know why, after keeping him for 12 years, we had to suddenly leave him. He wouldn’t know how much we love him and miss him and how hard it was to stop our tears while saying bye. All he would know is that we left him with some unknown people, forever. All I kept thinking was, he wasn’t doing any harm, and he was not going around terrorizing people or dirtying the place. Then why, why did we have to send him? Mom called up dad that day and told him not to stop looking for other places which might allow pets, in the hope that maybe someday we can get him back. If he had lived a full life and just died, it wouldn’t be so hard. We would have still missed him yes, but at least he wouldn’t have been in pain. Our pain was doubled with the thought of what he might be going through. How would he understand? Even now, after a week, my tears have not stopped. They come once in a while, but I have to control them. I wish I could just break down and cry. But that won’t help. It won’t bring him back. He is probably gone forever, to live the last few years of his life all by himself.

A trip down memory lane

2009-04-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

Ok so Ms. Adisha tagged me on this one..but unlike her I am not a narcissist...so i am not sure if I will be doing justice to this..but what the heck will try to reach the 25 mark....

1) When I was a little kid, and would go out with the family, the moment we would start nearing the house, I would pretend to fall asleep so that my dad could carry me in. I was caught smiling so many times, but he never seemed to mind :).

2) My mom had made me join Kathak classes, I would enjoy them so much that I would start dancing in the streets.

3) I always always always hated studying, would hide some book between my study books and read that in between when no one was around.

4) I had made my younger brother eat the leaves of some plant (dont remember the name, all I remember is that it smelled like garlic), telling him that it is very good for the teeth. Got chased by him around the garden when he found out that I had tricked him.

5) In one of the pool dinner parties at my dad's friend's house, one of the aunty's was making chicken starters, the moment the first batch came out, me along with 2 of my friends, finished up the entire plate before it even reached the others. We were banned from coming near it the rest of the night.

6) When I was in Bhopal, every year before holi, us along with some family friends would always go out in hunt for some special flowers which come only during that time. We would pluck them and get them home and try to make colors out of it. We never succeeded, but it was fun.

7) When I was in the 5th standard, we had gone to manali. On one of the days we had stopped near a plum orchard, when all the parents were busy making purchases, we kids sneaked into the orchard and filled our pants with as many plums as possible. Soon our pants were sliding down. Our parents didnt notice it till the time we were in the bus, when they did, they were furious, and they made us go back to those people and apologize. Luckily for us, they were very kind hearted and laughingly told us that it was ok and refused to take payment for the same.

8) When we had shifted to Goa and I joined the new school, during the first music lesson, our sir had taught us "Leaving on a Jet Plane". I was so touched by it that I started crying in the class.

9) When we were kids and our parents would sit and watch movie and some scary scene would come, I would go and hide behind the sofa and drag my brother along with me. He used to have no clue about why the hell am I doing that, but would just come behind me.

10) When I was in the 6th standard, in Goa, my best friend had bought a dog. We used to go over to each others place to spend the day there. At that time I was very afraid of dogs. I was visiting her and I had asked her to tie up her dog before I entered. She didnt and the moment I entered the big furry German Shepard got all excited and climbed on top of me. His forepaws were on my shoulders and I was staring right into his barking mouth. I dont think I have ever screamed so loud!!

11) In the third year of our engineering, during the monsoon season, my friends and I used to just hang out around college, and wander around in the rain. We would keep our stuff in someone's room and just walk around in the rain. Then we would go to the cafeteria and have a steaming hot cup of coffee. *sigh* I miss that.

12) When I had just learned to ride a two-wheeler and had started going around on my kinetic, many times, I would just pick up the bike and roam around through the green tree lined streets of Goa, during the rains! All by myself!! :)

13) Our last holi in bhopal had started out very dull. Usually our family friends would all get together at someone's place and celebrate it. This time, while planning everyone seemed to be busy with something or the other so they said they couldnt make it. I was very disappointed thinking that it would be my worst holi ever. Since I would soon be leaving all of them and going to a new place. As the day went by, one by one, people started coming over. When more and more people came, we called up the rest of them and forced them to come too. Soon the entire gang was assembled at our place. We removed the cover of the water tank behind our house and poured color in it and jumped in it. It turned out to be my best holi ever :).

14) When we used to come to my grandma's place for summer holidays, we would sleep in my grandparent's room. In the middle of the night I would wake up many times with my grandpa's snores. I used to belive that there is a tiger loose somewhere out and if I make any noise it would come in. I would just close my eyes tight and will myself to go back to sleep.

15) When I was in the 6th standard, we had a group of 4 girls. After our lunch, we would get together in the school shed below and play the game of famous five. Only there was just the 4 of us. We called it our secret game, so holy that we had made a pact that we would not divulge the details of the game to anyone. And the person who does that will be banned from the group forever. (I feel so stupid now).

16) When I was in the 4th standard, our dance school was putting up a classical dance performance for doordarshan. Instead of playing the songs on the radio one of the teachers were singing all the songs. During my groups dance performance, she skipped a paragraph and went to the next one. Even though we had realized the mistake we decided to go ahead with our steps. My mood was off for the rest of the day. I did not go back to the school untill my sir called my mom and assured me that he is not angry with me.

17) Two years ago I had gone home for vacation and 2 days before I was supposed to leave for here, I slipped while coming out of the bathroom and got a hairline fracture in my foot. I spent 3 horrible weeks in a cast. I removed it a day beofre my birthday. When I came back from the hospital I saw that my mom had made the most wonderful chocolate-cherry cake. We all finished it in 2 hours. She had to bake another one for my birthday.

18) After I came back from my leg breaking vacation, there was a salsa party and a friend forced me to come for it. I was having a hard time watching others dance while I just sat in a corner. One of my friend then came over to me and lead me to the dance floor and made me dance. I didnt feel the pain of the broken foot at all :D.

19) I hate to admit this but the reason I had joined the salsa classes was because I had a massive crush on a guy. Later I fell in love with dancing, and keep falling in love with it everyday!!!

20) When I was in the 10th standard, I would sit out in the balcony and study. All the people around in the colony would see me study and keep praising me because I am study so seriously. Little did they know that 80% of the time, I would either be reading a hidden novel or be off in the dream land.

21) The first time I ever sang on stage was for an office party. A friend of mine wanted to sing a duet with someone and he pulled me along with him. I don't have a very loud voice so when we were doing the final stage practice (the first practice with a mic), I found that even though I am singing my loudest on the mic, only the people who were standing around me could hear me. Fortunately I had got a very loud mic during the performance, in the middle of which my friend asked me to give him my mic. I absolutely refused to. Later he told me that he was asking me for the mic as there was something wrong with his!! I was so embarrassed.

22) A couple of months back, I needed a time away from everything so I decided to go on a trip alone. I went to Matheran. After a lot of initial hassles I reached there in the middle of the afternoon. I was tired, hungry and feeling hot as hell. Wanted to crash in the first hotel I could find. But they refused to give me a single room. When I was turned down by the second place too, I asked them for the reason and they told me that they do not give out rooms to single people because they are afraid that the guests might commit suicide. I didnt know whether to laugh out loud or just slap the guys face!

23) I had gone out for dinner with my friends. They had a 2 member live band out there and they were playing all sorts of songs ranging from oldies to rock. There were not many people around so initially we got up and started dancing in the little space that was avaialable. Then as we got tired, we just sat and listened to the great music, singing on top of our voices. We sat there and sang the night away. I was still on a high the next day.

24) Last June, we had gone out for a picnic during my friend's birthday. It was raining slightly, green all around. We pulled up on to the side of the road to cut the cake. Once we were done hogging, we put on loud music and danced in the middle of the road.

25) When I was in college and still staying at my grandma's place, my crazy friends had come over for lunch. A new guy had moved in next door and he used to stay alone and his friends would come over at times. I had told my friends about him. My aunt's kitchen opens out to the balconey from one side. And this balcony looks out into the balcony of the house next door. We were all in the kitchen and my friends wanted to look at the cute guy next door. They opened the connecting door and started walking out while peeping into his house. Only to see that he and all his friends were standing out in their balcony looking at us staring at them!!! We turned back and ran inside.

Phew finally done, its hard to stop once you get started. So I guess I will have to tag people now. Not many to tag, Dreamer, Ramer, Shal thats it I suppose.

The power above

2009-04-21T00:49:00.000-07:00

Its really strange how at times you feel that the entire powers in the universe are coming together to make things wrong for you. But whats even stranger that there are times when these same powers come together to make things absolutely perfect for you. To bring a smile on your sad face. Times like these your faith is restored, and you feel lucky to be alive.
I have had so many experience like this, whenever I am feeling sad or lonely, its as if everywhere I turn around, there are things happening to make me feel better. To cheer me up. In some kinds of actions or maybe the words I read somewhere.
For eg, yesterday, I was feeling a bit low because I was saying goodbye to a close friend of mine. Or rather he was saying bye to me. I was hurt and angry, angry at him. My head was getting heavier by the minute. I just logged on to a site and casually checked my horoscope. It said "You will be saying good bye to someone close. It may seem that everything is going wrong but its for the best." The moment I read that I realised that its true, it is for the best. A little while after that I got a story from my mentor in a mail forward, the bottom line of that was "Never keep the key to your happiness in someone else's hand."

It is not a new or some extraordinary saying. It is something all of us have heard at one point or the other. But we keep forgetting about it. Reading that story, those words, made me realise something that I had forgotten. The fact that I had once decided to live my life according to this principle and somewhere over time it faded away.

It does not mean that you would be truly happy if you live your life as a hermit. All it says that wether you are happy or sad, its your choice. No matter what the situation is, its upto you to think how you want to react to it. Would you let someone eles's bad mood spoil yours? You have no right to blame someone else for your pain. Its you, its you all around. You just have to realise it.

And of course, whenever you forget, the big guy up there, is sure to send some signs to remind you. You just have to keep a look out for them. :)

Who would you pick?

2009-02-17T20:41:00.000-08:00

Last night I was sitting with my roomie and we were talking about the kind of person we would want to be our life partners. It all started with her meeting a prospective guy over the weekend. She is a lot like me, likes her freedom, is independent and would like to have a fun partner. This is how we categorized the male species:

The first type of guy very interesting, he is spontaneous, and you have great conversations with him, very open, very independent and adventurous. But, you cannot be sure of having that security with him. What if he just comes in one day and announces out of the blue that he has quit his job. Would he be responsible? Would he take care of you? Would you feel secure with him? Yes, there would be a lot of fun times with him, lot of laughter, lot of adventure, one wouldn’t get the cagey feeling you generally feel with the typical Indian men, and he would respect your space. He will let you be independent and he will not enforce his views on you. But on the down side, he would think about himself before thinking about you, he would be so very lost in his own world that he might not sometime realize that he has hurt you, he wouldn’t understand these things unless you directly tell him, and at times he might not be considerate towards your feelings either, you cannot have any expectations from him because you will end up with a broken heart. But then again, if you tell him honestly and directly how you feel, he would make sure that he does not repeat the same mistake again. He would take care of that. But to get there, you have to go through a lot of heartache. I have had first hand experience with such type ;). There are a few people who fit in this category.

The second type of guy is the alpha male of the pack. What he says goes. Oh he would

prefer a house wife but if she is working, of course, she has to be home before he gets home. She has to take care of him, his family, their home and her job while he just sits back in front of the TV, after work, and relaxes. Of course, since he has had such a long day he has every right to relax! But life with him is secure, also in other words boring. Nothing new, nothing different. He will care for you, provide for you and life will go on. Yawn! These are the most commonly available types.

Then there is the third type, well you really don’t know where to fit them. These types of guys are very very very rarely found. Maybe one in a thousand. But they are there. They would love you and care for you till no end, but at the same time expect you to know who the boss is around. They like your independence and respect it. They might even lend a hand in sharing the responsibilities of your house work, but not take over completely. You have some amount of fun with them, but life is not an adventure. The fun might be there initially, but it could wear off. They may be the fun and spontaneous types but when it comes to family they would know when to stop acting wild and take over some responsibility. Wow they almost seem perfect, but then there is just one flaw here, which I have mentioned above, that they are VERY RARE.

We kept thinking which category we would want our guy to fit in. Personally, I think that despite of all the heartache and pain I would still go in with the first guy. They don’t try to change you; they accept you for who you are. They are very open about everything and expect you to be also. And as long as you are, it’s a smooth sailing. So yes, I would go with category #1. But then again, even though there are a few guys who fit that bill, they are still not easily found.

NB: I listed these categories just based on what I know, if there are any additions/changes, feel free to add.

"But" & "And"; "What if" & "so what"

2009-02-09T21:08:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks back I was really upset about somethings going on in my life. I felt hurt, angry, upset. I kept quiet about it and the pain increased. When it had reached the boiling point, I knew I had to talk to someone, and then I spoke to him. My mentor, friend, guru, call it whatever. I told him what was bothering me and he told me the funda of "But & And". He said, it is the way you use these two words can make a lot of difference in your life.
You can say "I have XYZ but I dont have ABC". This way, you are telling others as well as yourself that you are unhappy with the way things are. And, if you keep repeating this to yourself, or keep thinking about it, the unhappier you will get.
Or you can say "I have XYZ and I dont have ABC". This way you are accepting the fact that you dont have that ABC and you are OK with it. It is the reality and you know it, and you have made peace with it. You know that there is nothing you can do to change the fact, and you are content with being where you are, with what you have.
The moment I heard this, it was like a weight is lifted off my chest. I was feeling lighter, happy and definitely more cheerful. Two simple words, but really powerful. They can make a world of a difference.

The next day, I was talking to him again and we started talking about regrets. We all have them, cannot escape them, but it is how you look at them matters.
You could say "What If I had done that, I wouldnt be in this position right now". Your mind would keep mulling it over and over and over and all you will keep thinking about is the time/thing you lost. You loose track of what is in front of you now.
You could also say, "Well it didnt happen, so what?" You just dismiss it off thinking one of the many things that happened to you or could happen to you. You dont want to dwell on it as you have other things to think about. You have moved on.

I had heard a lot of times before about how powerful language can be, but this is the first time I actually understood the difference a few words can make in your life, in your happiness :).

To work or not to work

2009-02-04T04:29:00.000-08:00

The other day, in the bus on my way to office, I was talking to a friend of mine and was badgering him about being a workaholic. He comes to office at regular time, but stays back late almost everyday on top of that when he is not going out, he works on weekends too. Which according to me is being a workaholic. But when I called him that he was like, "wow you really think so?? you think I am a workaholic!! I am so happy to hear that! Because I think i can and should do more" I was stumped when I heard this. I never realised that being called a workaholic would be a compliment to someone!!
I like my work, and I do it with full sincerity, but that does not mean I will devote my entire life to it. Why do we work? I could give some idealistic answer to this question by saying that because we really feel that we are achieving our life's purpose by doing this and blah blah....which could be true in a few cases. But realistically speaking, for most people, we work to make money which yes, I agree is needed to a certain extent. Hey I wouldnt be able to go for my salsa parties if I didnt have this money ;). But this is beside the point.
What I am trying to say is that, yes, it is agreed that we need to work in order to lead comfortable lives, but that does not mean that we work our asses off and make come to a stage where "work is our life and our life is our work." We are young, with no responsibilities as of now, this is such a perfect time to learn something new, to live our lives to the fullest. I am not saying that we cannot do that once we get married or older, but if we get into the habit of just existing for our work and nothing but our work, would we ever be able to get out of this quicksand? It will just suck us in. Even as I write this, I realise that even though I am enjoying my life to the fullest as well as doing my best in the work, I am sure I can do more and much more on the personal front. And I will!

2009-01-16T01:03:00.000-08:00

What attracts one person to another? When I am talking about attraction, I don’t just mean the pull between lovers, I am talking about the pull between any 2 random people. Why is it that sometimes you meet someone, maybe even for a short while, and you think that you have known that person forever and feel an immediate connection to him/her? It’s not where you are from, how you look, what your age or sex or religion is. It’s how you think, how you see, how you feel. Recently I read in a friends blog “Enjoyment exists only among like minded people”. And that says it all. You can probably have a good time freaking out with almost anyone, but its only when you are in the company of like minded people that you truly enjoy yourself to the fullest.

When we were kids, my parents used to make me and my brother do to all weddings and parties and we used to keep cribbing that we will get bored as we will not have anyone of our own age there. Now that I think about it, I see that most of my real close friends, with whom I can talk very openly are older/younger than me. I realize that age really doesn’t matter. But then again, someone once told me, “You may be 24 years old but you talk like a 40 year old person.” I am still trying to figure out if it was a compliment or not.

There are a lot of people around me who think we are friends, but for me they are just mere acquaintances. I am not trying to put them down but just trying to say that just because I spend so much time with them does not necessarily mean I feel connected to them. Then there are some people, with whom I felt that connection from the moment I interacted with them for the first time.

Its so strange, the way the nature works! Strange how you can be a stranger to a person you spend most your time with and be the best friend of a person you meet just once. I hope I find my soul mate in one of these best friends.

The power of music!!!

2008-12-05T01:29:00.000-08:00

"Music is what feelings sound like" How true is that...I don't think there is a single person on this planet who is left untouched by the beauty of it. It is everywhere, from the moment you wake up till the time you go off to sleep, it surrounds you wherever you go. There is something about it which touches your soul deep inside and brings you to life!
I remember 2 weeks ago I had gone with my friends to this place for dinner. I had had a real tiring week, lack of sleep and loads of work. I was wondering if I could survive the night. They had a live band playing there. Not much, just 2 guys, one on the keyboard and the other on the guitar. But they were so alive! And although the crowd out there wasn't much responsive we had a blast! 3 continuous hours of non stop singing (and a bit of a dancing). The songs ranged from old country to soft romantics to soft rock! By the time I left from there it felt as if someone has infused life back in me. I felt so alive!
Exactly one week later, last Thursday, I went to a music concert. It was a western classical music performance by a group of French artists. Just 4 people, one on Cello, one on the Piano, one on Violin and one on the Viola. But they created magic that night! The music was so soulful. There were times when I had tears in my eyes, and some other times I just sat there wishing for someone to hold on to as I listen to it. It touched you right inside, and as the tempo rose you could actually feel yourself holding your breath. It felt as if I was watching a live opera or a play, tragic at times and sometimes playful. It was something I had never heard before. Yes, I listen to Mozart and Bach tracks, but live music! Now that is another story itself!
Sometimes I try to imagine the world without music and all I can feel is that it would be so empty. So lifeless. All I can say while ending is:
"Thank you for the music, the songs I am singing.
Thanks for all, the joy they are bringing.
Who can live without it, I ask in all honestly, what would life be?
Without a song or dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me" :)

Moments

2008-11-10T03:48:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, life gives us some moments, something so special, its there in front of you for a short while and if you dont grab it then, its gone, lost forever and you are left with a little regret that you let it go. You wish for them to come back, but they dont. Its like opportunity is hammering on your door and you just close your eyes and go to sleep.
Something happened to me a while back. We were strolling around in a mall, we came out of a shop and the moment we stepped out the familiar tune of a hindi song started on the music player all around. The song was a waltz song. The moment i heard that and saw the empty floor all around me the thought that popped up in my head "I so want to dance!" Before I could say anything he turned to me and with a smile on his face asked me if I wanted to dance. I was floored and all I could do was stare at him. But for some reason i panicked and said no and pulled him along outside. Till this day I regret it. Till this day I wish that I could go back to that moment in time and say "Yes! Yes I want to dance with you!" *Sigh* but I can't. I let the magic slip from my hands.
These moments are meant for our hearts. They come from the heart and are directed towards our heart. In times like these if we let our minds come in between and analyze it, we will loose them. All I want to say is, if you are blessed with some moment like this in your life, dont think! Dont think about what someone would say or what they would think about you. Just grab it, grab it with both your hands and revel in the joy you feel. Enjoy every second of it. They will never come back, you can probably stage the whole thing again but the essence behind it would be lost. These things are not staged, they just come. Recognize them! Cherish them!

2008-10-21T01:44:00.000-07:00

The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine and we started talking about relationships. He said to me, ‘Relationships should be nurtured, like a baby.’
What a simple way of describing something that most people don’t understand. How many times a relationship falls apart because the people involved in it didn’t spend enough time working on it, didn’t give it much importance? I am not just talking about romantic relationship here; it could be a relationship between friends, parents and children with anyone. They all need to be treated with the same respect and given, maybe not equal, but some importance.
When a baby is growing up, his each and every movement is watched closely, everything that can hurt him is moved out of the way, and everyone tries their best to always keep him smiling and laughing. Everyone takes care of him, love him, and protect him. Why? Because, babies are fragile and delicate.
The same goes for our relationships, they are so fragile that a small shred of mis-understanding, un-certainty can break it into tiny un-repairable shreds. In case of babies, everyone around them can see how delicate and how fragile they are and which is why they all rush to make sure that he is happy and taken care of. In case of relationships, it is not something that we can see, but something we need to feel. Something we need to understand. But most of us don’t and which is why many a times these relationships go for a toss. They are taken for granted and then gradually fade away.
People go running behind lucrative careers and trying to make as much money as possible in this short span of life. There is nothing wrong in that. Nothing wrong in wanting a comfortable lifestyle but in wanting that lifestyle people forget what is the one most important thing in their life. It is relationships that surround them and the people who are with them. When I talk about relationships I do not only mean the one that you have with the other people but also the one that you have with yourself. I believe that unless you are at peace with yourself there is no way you can have a harmonious relationship with anyone else around you.
But then I think for some reason everyone wants to see something tangible in front of their eyes in order to believe it or take care of it. “Seeing is believing” cannot be applied in every situation now can it? I guess these days the hopeless romantic in me has awoken again. It had taken a back seat for quite some time. But now that it is up and running, I have started given these things a lot of thoughts again. About why is it that people put money over their relations? Why do people take others for granted? When I talk about romance I don’t just mean the ‘girl-boy’ thing. It could be with anyone. Who says there cannot be romance between you and your friend? It is there everywhere, all around us, all we have to do is open ourselves up to it and feel it.
I am a huge fan of regency romances. All the courting and ball room dancing in the Victorian times. Every time I read any such book or watch any such movie, it makes me wish immediately that I was back in those times being courted with poetry, with music, with dancing. Yes, I do admit that the lives back then must have been pretty boring compared to what we have now, but boy all those fine gentlemen with their charms, the hand written letters *sigh*. In those days they believed in the romance, in the magic behind it. Now it has slowly faded away and I am afraid that it will die soon. I know I know I am a huge ambassador for change, and keep saying that change is the one constant thing in our life and we not only have to accept it but celebrate it. But one can still wish that some things remain the same through the times right? Even if its in dreams.

2008-10-14T06:37:00.001-07:00

Today i was feeling very sleepy at work..three nights of not sleeping properly had taken its toll finally! So i decided to leave half an hour early and go for a walk in the garden. Just me and my music. I usually walk around with my head bent and lost in my own thoughts today was no different. But at one point i suddenly looked up, as if some force is asking me to. And the sight was something no words can describe. I tried to capture it in the camera but i dont think this picture can do any justice to it. Then i remembered that its full moon today. I must have seen it so many times in my 23 years yet it leaves me with a sense of wonder. There is something about it which is magical, and cannot be expressed. Am glad i decided to come out today :-)

2008-10-13T03:12:00.000-07:00

Recently I read the following quote, “Life is a process of becoming, and a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” How true is this! Basically, in a simple language what it means that in order to live this life you have to accept the fact that there will be constant changes and you have to accept them. Not just blindly accept but learn to celebrate, to enjoy those changes.

At some point we all look back and see how it was earlier and miss what we had then but there are times when we fail to see what we have now. I always look back to my college days and wish that they had never gone away. But what I have now is not bad either. Yes, those sweet memories still remain and I miss the friends I had then. We all have our separate lives now and we have all moved on.

It is not easy to let go completely of what you had. The bittersweet memories will always remain. But that also does not mean that we have to live in our past. We have to learn to move on and to embrace new things. Unless we do that we will never be able to grow up.

There have recently been a lot of changes in my life and there are times when I look back at what my life was 2 months ago and how it is now. I miss a lot of things which I had earlier but then again I wouldn’t give up what I have now for anything.

I think more than the situations, we miss the people who were around us at that time. Some people come in our lives for a short time; they teach us so much and then slowly go away. We don’t like those changes; we want things to go back to the way they were. We want those people back. But in this wanting and longing, we forget to cherish the good times we had with them. Instead we keep concentrating on what we could have had more. It is hard to let go, I know. I have said good bye to so many friends. But I also know that no matter what I do those times will never come back. All I can do is close my eyes and think about those days, and let my mind wander to those places with those people. It never fails to bring a smile to my face.

2008-10-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

The other day in office we were all seeing a forwarded mail which contained some pics of an upcoming movie called “Dostana”. The movie is about two guys who pretend to be gay so that they can get to live in the apartment they want. As we were watching the pics, someone said “There was a time when parents used to worry about their sons marrying a white female when they went abroad, now they would probably worry about their son hooking up with a guy.”

I got real mad when I heard this. I asked them why it matters who a person decides to spend the rest of their lives with as long as they are happy. They replied saying that it is “un-natural” and it is due to so much hype created around the issue many people are turning towards it. I felt like screaming then. It is not as if a person gets up one morning and decides “Oh you know what I think I am going to be gay!” That is not how it works! We are attracted to the people of the opposite sex, which is natural to us; just like that there are some people who are attracted to persons of the same sex. That is natural to them. Where does the “un-natural” part come in this? I can never understand how some people can be so closed minded about certain issues. For them what they believe is right and everything else is all crap! I just wish people would open up their minds and hearts a little bit more.

That day I got so frustrated trying to talk to them about it. Then I realised that I am fighting a loosing battle. They had their minds made up and nothing that anyone can say would penetrate through that wall and make them see reason. But then again, that is their opinion. I am not saying that they should change their thinking just because I said something once, I just wish they would try and broaden their horizons and see that the world is not limited inside a nutshell..it is so huge..so vast…that it can never be limited…

Gee I am not sure if I am making any sense…I am half asleep over here..just had to put this down tho.. yawn…

2008-10-12T05:57:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to write this from a long time but never got around to doing it...now will finally do it...

I have seen so many people around me..all working for big MNCs and getting good pay and benifits but all they can do is crib about their job and how much it sucks!!! Then as i travel to work everyday i look at the people sitting in the toll booths or the guy who stands almost in the middle of the road trying to stop the non PMT bus traffic from going in the 'special' PMT lane or the guy who is given the job of painiting the roads or the road dividers...all these people working in scorching heat...pouring rain...despite the heavy traffic blowing all sorts of dust and other gases in their faces..are they happy with their jobs? the other day i was travelling in a PMT bus and the ticket collecter was a young guy not more than 18 year of age..he reminded me of my cousin who is now in an engineering college....looking at him i felt shouldnt he be studying somewhere? instead of spending his time roaming around in crowded buses collecting money from the passengers..but then again i think...isnt it better tht they are at least making an honest living (even tho meagre)..they can go back home and relax thinking that at least they got something back...way way better than begging on the sreets and turning to unlawful means to fill their stomach....

But still..times like these i feel grateful for what i have....and go to bed everyday thanking the God for what he has given me...how can anyone complain about it? but then again isnt it their right to be happy? it is not their fault that they have comfortable homes while others are living off the streets. but i just wish that pepole would just take some time out and see what they already have rather than wanting and longing for more and more..

a long time back..when i was still in college..i was once sitting with my friends and we suddenly decided to go to a circus...we wanted to revisit out childhood...so we went there...once there instead of looking at all the shows being put up by people around..all i could look at was the dismal conditions which those artists were living in...the tents were visible when entering the place...i actually had tears in my eyes lookng at them...and i also felt ashamed for demanding all sorts luxuries from my parents..

i do believe in karma and the fact that you get what you deserve...but still it is not easy to accept the unfairness of the life all around u...

2008-09-11T21:35:00.001-07:00

Recently after interacting closely with so many people around me I have noticed that even though they are all completely different from each other, there is one thing that most of them have in common, and that is loneliness. Many of them are surrounded by people who love them and care for them, many are not, yet they are all lonely. Every one has that longing for their own special someone and most of them have given up hopes of finding one.

In the olden times, people used to live in huge joint families and would get married to the girl/guy of their parents choice when the time came. They never knew what it was like to be lonely. To spend nights just gazing at the stars searching for a face in them. To go to sleep hugging a pillow because you need someone to hold on to. Coupled with the high stressed life that the youth of today lives in, it makes the things even worse.

I have noticed another thing, people who have never been in a relationship, do not really feel the pain and the longing as much. They might wish for the special someone, no doubt, but there wont be a desperation involved in that wish. Desperate, that is what most of the people these days have become. Its like they are drowning in stormy waters and they need to hold on to someone to rescue them out. They come out of the storm for some time and soon slip back again. And as the number of times they slip increases so does their pain and their desperation and their need. Because they cannot imagine what it is like to swim alone. They have become so used to that life support that they are sure to drown if it is not there.

There are a few lucky ones, I do not deny. Those who find their soulmates and are complete. But that is a very few percentage of people. I sometimes wonder if it is a healthy thing. I have claimed so many times that the person I love to spend my time the most is me myself. Which is why I suppose I never felt that desperate need for someone. Of course, the romantic books and movies do make me cry all the time and make me wonder if I will ever have that kind of love. But it is not as if my life would stop if I dont. Am I wierd? I really dont know..Maybe I am. Its just that whenever I see the pain my friends go through day in and day out and all the efforts they take to put on a brave face and smile it just hurts me. I do understand that it is something really special to share your life with that one person. Someone who knows you inside out and is there for you when you need them. But still that does not mean that you spend the rest of your life mooning over the ones who have left and gone.

Yes, it hurts when they go and we miss them, but we have to understand here that people in our life come and go and we miss some the rest we dont even remember after some time. Like someone once said, people come into our life for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime. If they come for a season then you have to believe that it was for a reason and a very good one. Once they go away, the seasons change and a new one soon comes, till that time you wait. And hey who said you are alone! You have yourself to keep you company right?

2008-08-27T07:48:00.001-07:00

My extremly dumb but adorable dog..:-)

Whiners

2008-08-27T06:54:00.001-07:00

Among all the categories of people one comes across in the walk of life there is one type whom i call the whiners. They have everything they need yet they want more but are not ready to work to get it, to take risks, to get off their a** and work towards getting what they desire. All they would do is sit and complain to anyone who is listening about how they wish they had blah blah. Now i know there are somethings which night always remain a wish as it is not practically possible to achieve it but there are some dreams that you can make come true right? There are times when i absolutly hate such people but there are times when i feel sorry for them too. I wonder if all they need is some push, some support from someone. But then just how much? I dont mine being there for someone who needs it, but for how long? It gets frustrating after some time if you are doing all you can to be there but the other person just uses your words your actions to feel comforted and get back to complaining. Times like these i think maybe i should stop but would it then mean that i am giving up on the person who needs me? Would it mean i am just abandoning him/her in the middle of no-where? How do you know when it is enough?

2008-06-30T05:30:00.000-07:00

Today evening as I was sitting in the cafeteria with my colleagues, the topic of our conversation shifted to the male ego. One of the guy said, "No matter how practical and modern man is, he would never accept the fact that his wife is earning more than him." I did not like or rather understand the point he was trying to make. Yes, I agree in the Stone Ages, it was the man's job to hunt for food and be the provider for his family, but that was ages ago. We have come so far from that, yet the need to be the provider of the family is still ingrained in the male species. It is a measure of their success in life. But I wonder why, why is it that a woman cannot earn as much or probably even more than her husband and lend an equal or more hand and taking care of the family? Why is it that even though when we all say that the women are at the same level as men, there is a fine line dividing the two, encompassing the roles and duties of each gender within it.

If the food which is on the table is bought with the woman's money and not the man's would it taste any different? My colleagues said that the men feel important if they are the ones who are earning the bread and butter of the family and that it makes them feel needed. But then I wonder, if it was the woman who had bought the food and the man who had cooked it, would either of them be worth any less? They said that women soon loose respect for the men who use their wives money for their needs. But then in a marriage, where do 'you' and 'me' come? I thought it was all about 'us'.

Maybe at this point of time, it is a bit difficult for me to understand since I am just a spectator and not the player in the field. Once I go out to play, things would be more clear (hopefully)!

2008-06-20T07:35:00.001-07:00

Its been almost two years since i have left college and entered the professional life, and each day i cant help but be surprised at how im-nature can people be. The other day we had am all hands call with our teams senior VP, nothing exciting, i am sure most people including me were east asleep but what irked me was the unprofessional behavior displayed by the people all around. Many had not kept their phones on silent and it caused constant hinderence in the speech. People chatting to their hearts content whenever there was a pause. This is just the meeting, even in the day to day routine i see classic examples of such cases. There are a few people around where i sit who i am sure have amplifiers attached to their throats. I am sure that everyone around them must be knowing their entire life story. I guess the concept of talking softly is alien to them. Just today another incident made me doubt the age of the people i am working with. Somebody sent a mail technical mail explaining some concept in java. Now our team does not work in java so he replied saying that the guy should limit his email audience. Just that little thing became such an ego issue to everyone. There were around ten nails discussing whether or not that mail should be sent to everyone. I wonder if they know about this little delete button that we have on our keyboards. All you have to do is press it and viola! The mail has been deleted. But then i guess they needed some thing to add excitement to their day. Lol i wonder if there people will ever grow up.

Monsoon magic..

2008-06-17T06:52:00.001-07:00

What is about the rains that makes your heart sing with joy. Everytime you feel that raindrop on your face, each time you take a deep breath and you smell the sweet smell of earth, the dark clouds, the flashing light, and the resonating thunder. Monsoon must be the only season that brings about so many emotions in the people. Romance for those in love..joy while bringing out the kid in us, longing for the times that were, sadness for those things lost. One of the many magical moments you experience in life.

Capturing Memories

2008-05-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

The most important part of our luggage when we go out for any vacation is the camera. We might leave out an outfit or two, but the camera forms an integral part of our belongings without which the holiday is incomplete. It is a way to capture the beautiful moments we spend in a form which will be with us forever. I always carry one with me too. I like to then go back and relive those moments again by looking at the photographs. They transport you back to that fun time and for a minute you are on the vacation again.
Recently I went for a vacation to Goa and of course my camera went with me. I took quite a few pictures of all the places I visited, but there was one place where I just couldn't get my self to remove the camera and capture the surroundings. It was when we visited the old St. Xaviers Church. Now I am not a very religious person, yet I do believe that all these places of worship have some kind of a positive, serene aura about them which can be felt even by the people like me. At a place like this it seemed almost insensitive to take a photograph. It felt as if the moment I click the button, something around me will be disturbed, that magic that is there would be gone. And then I saw hundreds of tourists just going about flashing away to glory. I wonder, if they even felt the energy flowing around them. They were so busy taking those pictures that they missed the charm and the real beauty of the place. In taking those photos, they do manage to take in the physical beauty of area but the real spiritual essence is lost. I wish they would understand what they are missing and just sit back and relax. I guess then they would really have a true vacation :)

2008-04-15T05:59:00.000-07:00

They have been spurned by the society for something which is not their fault...

They did not ask for it, they were born with it...

They are infected with HIV...

Hospitals refuse to treat them, their own relatives have abandoned them...

Yet that does not stop them from smiling and laughing and enjoying....from living....

What a beautiful evening..

2008-04-09T06:27:00.001-07:00

The sky is overcast with dark clouds..the smell of wet earth is in the air,i wonder if it will rain today..:-)

Evening sky from office

2008-04-08T06:32:00.001-07:00

My First attempt at mobile blogging :)....

The thing called love

2008-03-31T09:47:00.000-07:00

“Love hurts”…I must have heard this phrase so many times, over and over again. Looking at so many broken relationships around me I did think that it does hurt. But then the hopeless romantic in me wakes up and starts thinking ‘How can something so beautiful, hurt?’ The answer to this is simple. Its not love which hurts, it’s the expectations that people set on it which brings on the pain. Love is not restricted by any boundaries, it is unconditional.

When you really truly love someone, you love them for who they are with the negatives and the positives. If you try to change them, well then you loose the person you fell in love with and instead you replace them with an illusion that you have in your mind. There have been so many times all through my college life, so many of my friends asked me ‘who is the man of your dreams?’ To their surprise I would always tell them that I don’t have any image of a man of my dreams. If you stick to that mental picture that you have, you may spend your whole life searching for it, but will never find it. And if you do get someone in your life, you would try to change the person to fit that picture. That is not what love is all about.

Also, just because you love someone, doesn’t mean that you get it back the same way. I was once chatting with a friend of mine and he told me, ‘To love someone, and to be loved in return, is a great feeling. It keeps you young.’ I totally agree with that, no matter how old you are, being in love would make you feel like a teenager, always. And yes, being loved in return can be a huge bonus, but at the same time just loving someone could still give you so much, make you so happy.

People always ask, especially after a broken relationship, how do you stop loving someone? I wonder, why would you want to stop loving someone? Just because you are in love with one person doesn’t mean you cannot love someone else. Then why would you want to forget about the first person before you meet the next. Why would you want to fall out of love?

Love is just there, for us to feel, to give. It never asks for anything in return. So I guess, we should change the phrase from ‘Love hurts’ to something like, “If it hurts, it aint love”.

One of my favourite short stories about love (taken from Chicken soup for the soul series) though no relation with the above text:

The question is asked, "Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and a girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?"

And the answer is given. "Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed, but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love."

Potatoes - The supposed king of vegetables!

2008-03-19T02:33:00.001-07:00

I don’t get what is such a big deal about them. I love to see the expressions on everyone’s faces when they find out that I don’t like them. They look at me as if I belong to some other planet or maybe some other galaxy. I would like to tell them all, that I, like them, belong to good ol’ Earth. Am not an alien. Nope, not at all. Ok ok ok I get the fact that those bloody things are present in almost every Indian food preparation (I don’t know why, it is such a pain to sit and pick them out everytime). Big deal, I am sure I can survive without them. I have survived till now haven’t I?

I remember around 10 years ago we had gone for a trip to Manali. We used to leave our hotel after breakfast in the morning, roam around the entire day and return by dinner time. Since, we were out for the whole day there was no guarantee about where and when we will have our lunch. So our moms used to force two ‘Aloo Parathas’ down our throats every morning! Yuck, I still feel like puking when thinking about it. I think it was around that time that I developed my intense hatred for them.

My aunt knows that I will always pick them out from wherever possible in order to avoid eating them, so these days she makes sure that either they are completely mashed or minced so finely that I cannot succeed in my task. It’s a conspiracy I swear.

I think they are just overrated. My not liking them is almost considered a crime!! I fail to understand why. I wonder if I should maybe start an anti-potato club or something. But then again, I don’t think it will be much of a club. I will be the founder member and the only member of that club!

Spaces....

2008-03-17T09:44:00.001-07:00

We come across so many people as we progress through this journey called life. From the moment we are born till the time we die, we are surrounded by them. It could be our family, relatives, friends, lovers, colleagues or even mere acquaintances. There is always someone.

Some people absolutely love it, they need to be a part of some or the other group all the time. They need the constant human touch.

Then there are some like me. There was actually a time when I used to think, after watching cast-away, that spending the rest of my life all alone on an island wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all. Now I shudder at the thought. But still that does not change the fact that I just cannot be around someone or the other all the time. At times it gets suffocating, to a point that I seriously start contemplating the lonely island situation again. But then I do manage to come back to my senses fast enough, thankfully J.

I am not saying that I don’t like to socialise or interact with people. I do like it, or rather have started enjoying it. But still, there are times when I just want to be with me, a time out from everything in this world. All my friends find it really strange and weird. For some reason they just don’t get the fact that I really might like to be alone at times.

When I was in Goa, I had my own bedroom and had a huge terrace attached to that. Almost every night, before going to sleep, I would stand outside on the terrace, gaze at the moon and the stars and softly sing to myself. I have never, ever felt that peaceful anywhere, anytime. I miss that. It helped me clear my head of so many things. There have been so many times, when I was hurt by something, I would stand there, letting all the pain flow out. By the next day, it was an old story, forgotten and buried.

It helps me to quieten all the noise which is inside. Throughout the day, we are running around doing our tasks trying to win the race against time. But there are times when I like to slow down, savour each moment as it comes and just refresh myself and prepare for the next race J.

Is it wrong to ask for some space of your own? I am not saying that I would like to go off and live like a hermit, I am sure I would start getting restless very soon. But just some time, a little time when I don’t have to answer any questions, don’t have to listen to someone blabbering constantly. My mom thinks I am very detached from everyone. I am not; it’s just that I prefer spending time with me more than anyone else. And if someone does not understand or respect that, then I tend to move away from that person. Hence, the illusion of detachment comes in the picture.

Now, I wonder if I am making any sense here. But that is the way I am, take it or leave it.

2007-12-21T08:38:00.000-08:00

Today I went to watch 'Taare Zamein Par' with my colleagues. It is such a realistic, simple story told beautiful. Something which I am sure if not many at least some percentage of the people can relate to. It is a kind of story that makes you think about the human nature, and society in general.
The movie is about a kid who suffers from dyslexia and his struggle to find himself in the masses. Makes you wonder about the mentality of the people and how most of them live their lives like robots. That is how everyone has been trained, when you are a kid you have to go to school. Once you reach the tenth standard you become a part of a never ending rat race. First, it is to excel in the board exams and get admission in a good junior college. Then if you think you are free from it once the boards are over, the competitive exams and the 12th boards soon follow and you are in the race to get into a good professional college. And once that is over you are fighting to get a good job or a good PG college.
Once you are out in the corporate world you are fighting to earn as much as you can when you still have the chance to climb the ladder pushing the others aside. Where does it finally end? When you die? What do you get in the end?
Then there is another breed of people. Those who do not want to be a part of this system. Their mind works in a different direction and they live in a world of their own. A world which is far removed from this one. They are happy there, content. But for some reason that is not acceptable by the people around them. They cannot tolerate the fact that someone among them thinks differently from them, does not want what they want. So, they try to force the person into behaving like them. Everyone wants a child who gets good grades, does well in sports or some other extra-curricular activity etc. etc. They want their kid to be perfect.
But, what is 'perfect' ? A dictionary defines 'perfect' as being complete of its kind and without any blemish. I ask again, what is perfect? Does getting straight A's and topping a class in every subject makes on perfect? Does having 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 nose make you perfect? Perfection is something that is defined by this society. By 'the others' as one of my friends like to call them. But my definition of perfect may be different from someone else. People just blindly follow what is put in front of them, and if someone tries to defy that, he/she is labeled as a 'freak'. Just because a person does not get 95% in an exam does not mean he/she is dumb.
I had the pleasure of knowing one such Angel. She was my schoolmates little sister. She was suffering from 'Downs Syndrome'. She was such a little darling. I can never forget her sweet innocent face. The way she would just come and hug you when she thought you were mad at her for something. I can never forget the time when I had the honor of receiving one such hug. It was the sweetest, the best hug I ever got.
Sometimes I think people like Angel are the most happiest. They like others dont care about what people think of them. They do not understand the 'rules' nor do they wish to. They are happy in their world, but most of them are not allowed to. I wish for once people will breakthrough this concept of 'society' and live for themselves and let others live too.

2007-12-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in my previous post how watching dancing can cheer one up. You know what...screw that...

when watching on TV i guess yea but when there is music being played and people all around you are moving to the rythm and all you can do is sit and watch...well there is nothing more torturing than that. that is what happened to me today. A friend of mine had invited me to a latin party. Initially I refuesd as there would be no point going for a dance party with a broken leg but in the end she wore me down and there I was sitting on the chair looking at guys and gals swaying to the rythms of salsa, samba, jive, cha-cha, rumba, merengue..and all i could do was curse my broken leg and drown myself in self pity...

but i had not counted on Aniruddha. he was the first guy i ever danced properly with and abs enjoy dancing with. he knew how bad i was feeling about not being able to dance...i was just sitting on the chair with him in front of me when he suddenly got up and offered me his hand..i was staring at him for a whole minute...he extended his hand again and all i could say "Are you crazy? You do know that I have a broken leg right and that I wont be able to put my weight on that". He just smiled and said dont worry I will take care of it...man was i torn....my heart was telling me to jump up and go ahead but the head was holding me back...in the end my heart won..i took his hand and he led me to the floor...and we danced!!! sigh..as luck would have it..they played a rumba and a cha-cha number, both my favourite dances, at that moment...i wouldnt say tht i danced well or anything..hell i will hardly moving my feet...just shuffling them and like he promised he took care that i am not putting my weight on the broken foot..

it was not a proper dance..but for me at that moment it was bliss...he gave me the whole world in that moment...i dont mean to be melodramatic but my heart was actually overflowing with happiness and I was on cloud #9....

Thanks Ani, thank you so much for what you gave me.... :)

Letter to the void...

2007-12-06T11:18:00.000-08:00

Dear void,
Ever since I got up this morning there was a strange uneasiness inside me. As the time passed by at one point I felt as if my heart was breaking. I felt like going someplace all by myself and close my eyes and stay there forever. It’s really strange. But looks like someone up there didn’t want me to be blue J. After dinner my mom was watching some serial on TV and there is this scene in which a teacher is giving some advice to her student. Listening to those words it felt as if they were said just for me. It instantly eased up the pain that was wrenching my heart. And then to top it off as I was surfing through the various channels, I saw a dance program. Watching those people swaying to the beautiful tunes of the Waltz, Salsa, Tango etc. cheered me up instantly. There is something about dancing which makes you forget about everything else and lifts your mood instantly. I know I might not be able to put on my dancing shoes for another month or two but watching those dancers floating across the floor made me feel as if I was back home dancing the evening away. For a moment I had a strange feeling as if all of this was done especially for me to cheer me up.
I don’t know if it is true or like people say its my overactive imagination running in hyperdrive, but whatever it is, I feel so much better now. Feel like dancing like there is no tomorrow. I know I know its not possible at the moment, what the heck I can do it in my mind and be happy about it right.
So a big thank you to the big guy up there. Thank you for being there for me. I love you.

Dreamy

2007-11-10T07:35:00.000-08:00

I have stayed in quite a few places till now but the one place I treasure the most above all is Bhopal. There is nothing special about the city as such that stays in my mind, like Goa, but it is the good times that I had there that remain with me forever.
My dad started his career in Bhopal as an engineer in BHEL, soon after college. Quite a few more college freshers had joined with him, so naturally they kinda came together and formed a group. Most of them were out of towners, young, bachelors, need I say anything more. Dad was the first one to get married in the group so obviously my mom was the favourite bhabhi. Even today when she remembers those times, her eyes get a faraway wistful look. They had such a great time together. Once she told me that there were so many times that all the others from the gang would just turn up at the house at midnight after a late night movie and ask her to cook them dinner as they were starving. In those days she would get annoyed at them but now she would give anything to get all of it back.
Eventually all of them got married and then of course we kids came along and became close friends. We were all like a big family, living in different houses. Weekends were never dull and were never spent at home. We celebrated all the festivals and other national holidays together. Usually we would all gather at one person’s place for a pool dinner, light a campfire, if it was winters and spend the night singing and dancing and laughing and eating. There was some special bond that held us all together. A group outing on the 15th of August and 26th of January was a must.
And Holi, oh man, everyone was crazy. A couple of weeks before holi, on a Sunday, we would all go out on a picnic and gather those special flowers which bloom only during this time ( I don’t remember its name). I used to call them holi flowers and we were supposed to make colours from them. We tried it every year, it never turned out the way we wanted it to be but still it was an adventure. On the day of holi we would all be wearing our whites and gather at someone’s house. We would play till late afternoon screaming and shouting and running and come home black ( the men’s kurtas were usually torn to rags by this time) have a leisurely lunch and fall into our beds and sleep like logs.
I remember once we had all gone for a tour of the state in our cars. I was a kid at that time so don’t remember the places we visited but I do remember visiting some forts and monuments and remember that we drove around the entire night. No-one was tired and nobody wanted to stop. We were all together and that was all that mattered.
There are so many incidents, some insignificantly small others not so. I don’t think this space is enough for all those memories. The details of each moment are etched so clearly in my mind. I still remember the moment when my dad told me that we were moving. I refused to believe him initially, I thought he was kidding. I remember crying myself to sleep in the nights. I never told my parents how much it hurt me to leave all of it behind; I knew it pained them too. We had a grand farewell party, a trip to Manali. I don’t think I can ever forget that. It was our last outing together.
Even today when we talk to them, it does not feel like we have not met each other for ages. We just pick up from where we left off. The entire group is scattered all over the world now, but we are still there for each other, still keep in touch. Last winter we were in Bhopal again, unfortunately I reached a day after my parents. They had a big get together on the previous night and were up all night talking. No body felt like going home. Even now as I write about it, my heart feels heavy and all those times come rushing back to me. We all have different lives now but still there is something that holds us all together. I have my own day to day routine to keep me busy but during these festive times which one should spend with the family, those memories come back to haunt me and I wish I could turn back the sands of time. I don’t think I have the strength to continue anymore. All I can say at this point is:

Gates of memories will never close,
How much we miss our friends no-body knows,
Days will pass like years,
We will remember the memories in silent tears.

Home sweet home

2007-11-08T03:46:00.000-08:00

I think each and every one of us has a mental image of how our dream house is going to be. But, for some people that dream is never attainable. I am talking about my grandma here. She was a doctor, a surgeon, by profession so was grandpa. Since they were both in the government service they had to shift around quite a lot. I think they must have visited each and every state in this country. My grandma always had a passion for construction and interior designing. She had very lovingly built a house in Indore. In fact she was telling me just today that when that construction was going on, she had pitched a tent on the plot and used to spend as much time as possible over there. I vaguely remember that place. But I do know one thing, it was grand. We had huge bedrooms, granite flooring, all wooden furnishing (actual teak wood furniture), and different kinds of lampshades adorning the place. There was a beautiful garden surrounding it. I think there was even a rock formation at one corner of it, not sure though. But alas, she could not get to live in it.
Then we were in Bhopal, and we had bought a bungalow. That wasn’t enough for her though. She must have had the entire place modified and built new structures. I was a kid at that time so don’t remember much. What I do remember of that house was the garden. It had a huge lawn surrounded by different flowers and trees from all the sides. I think I can still remember each detail of that garden. My dad loves black roses so she had a patch with few plants of black roses. My brother and I were not allowed to tinker with the plants. But since we used to pester her so much she had allocated one patch for each of us and we could do whatever we wanted there. In one corner of that garden there was a small sand pit for my bro and me. We spent hours there. We had a small kitchen garden at the back too. It had chickoo trees, pomegranate, chillies, corn, lady’s finger, lemons, etc etc. Anytime there was a fruit on any one of those trees, it used to be a exciting time for my brother and me and we would wait impatiently till we could break those off and ask our mom to use it in the kitchen. But unfortunately for her we had to move out from there too. I had gone to Bhopal last year and asked my dad if we could pass in front of that house. It was being used as an office space now and hence the garden was in a sorry neglected state. I could not bear to look at it.
When we moved to Goa, she thought that this would be our final destination. And true to her nature as soon as we moved into our new house she started planning on how to go about renovating it. After a couple of years her plan was successful. She actually got the old teakwood furniture from her place in Indore and got it fitted here. Each room was planned carefully. She did not have much space for a garden in this place but she managed with whatever there was. Now she has started believing that whenever she works on a house we have to pack our bags and move. That is what happened in this case too! No sooner did she finish with this place, we found that we have to move again. This time to Pondicherry!
It has been a couple of years since we came here. Till now we have been living in rented places. Our apartment is under construction and might be over by next year. But this time she is hanging back. She claims that she is not going to take part in anything remotely related to the new house. I can imagine what she must be going through. It must be such a pain to lovingly create something to beautiful and then give it in the hands of some stranger who might tear it apart or might not appreciate it the way you want it to be. It is a huge struggle for her to not get involved in the proceedings and sometimes she cannot help herself. But she has lost her enthusiasm. I still remember the fervour with which she had worked on our house in Goa, taking care of the minutest detail. At times we all wondered about why she chose to be a doctor instead of an architect. But that’s another story. I just wish for her sake that she gets her dream house once and gets to spend the rest of her life in it.

2007-11-02T05:41:00.000-07:00

She was around 2 feet tall, had bright intelligent eyes, light brown hair and she walked with a grace that would put a cat to shame. She had a pride of a Queen but yet she was very approachable and made friends with everyone ranging from small kids to old uncles and aunties. But she could be very ferocious if you made her cross. The bravest souls would crumble before her if she was mad. She was the darling of our entire colony; we called her ‘Cookie’. She was the grandest street dog I have had the chance to come across.

She did not belong to one family in particular; she belonged to our entire lane. She would walk with us to our school (which happened to be very close) and hang around there the whole day playing with the kids during break time, then walk back with us once the school was over. My friend and I used to go for long walks in the mornings and evenings, she would accompany us then too. We would feel safe with her around us. Boy was she possessive. If we showered our attentions on any other street dog, she would not do anything while we were around but once our backs were turned that dog would get it. The most ferocious of dogs were scared of her and treated her with reverence. It embarrasses me to say it but my dog is a big time coward. Sometimes even a cat would scare him. He showed that he was jealous of cookie whenever we paid her any attention but definitely felt stronger with her around when we used to take him for walks. He would turn from a rat to a tiger in her presence.

We used to keep our gate bolted to prevent all the other street dogs from entering, but she would elegantly open it and stroll in and perch herself on the seat in the yard. If she saw something outside that she had to be a part of she would deftly jump over the wall and be outside in a jiffy. My dog would be left behind wondering stupidly ‘how in the world did she manage such a Herculean task’.

Gosh I miss her! Last year my brother visited our old home and he saw her. He said that she had grown old and weak now and did not recognize him. She was never the over affectionate type of dog who would start licking every part of your body their tongue gets access to, but she did not show a single sign of recognition when he approached her. Not even a wag of her tail. Then one day my brother called and said that one of his friends informed him that she passed away. I didn’t know what to say. I cannot imagine her as a weak dying dog. She would always be the extraordinary super dog to me and that is how I remember her and always will. Maybe she is out there somewhere in the doggy heaven amazing the others up there. I love you cookie.

2007-11-02T04:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if people thrive on sadness. There is this friend of mine, she is a very nice person and everything, but sometimes I get the feeling that she enjoys being in the state of depression. She is an amazing writer and writes lovely poems. She loves to read others blogs too and keeps sending me the links of what she likes the best and I have found that most of the times the blogs she likes are way too depressing even to read. I understand people who have written them have done it as a way to deal with the pain in their lives and I have no issues with that. In fact there is no better way to let go of all the emotions whirling inside you but I don’t see why she has to pick out these specific blogs to read and worse share them with me. I have tried to tell her so many times, directly and indirectly that I don’t like reading such sob stories but that does not stop her from sending me.

I am not being insensitive towards other people’s misery and I do sympathize with them, and once in a while it is nice to read such blogs because I think it is when people are in pain they pour their heart out in their writing and their inner emotions come out. But it gets kinda annoying when she keeps sending me these links consistently. But then I guess she goes through such stuff because she is going through a rough phase in her life and I dunno maybe by reading these articles she can related to those people and be assured that there is someone else out there who has been through the same things as her. On the other hand though, wouldn’t it be better to read something funny, something lively and positive to take your mind off it? By reading such unpleasant stuff isn’t she distressing herself more?

When I am feeling blue, and I have said it before, I like to think about all my favorite things to get my mind off the thing that is hurting me not dwell over it. I try to send her cheerful articles but she just doesn’t seem to take to them. It’s like she has given up on life and the chance of happiness. She has started believing that she does not deserve to be happy and if by mistake something comes along that will make her life beautiful, it will be snatched away from her soon. I have tried to talk to her so many times, even scolded her at times. I wish there was some other way I could help her out. Put her out of her misery.

Through the eyes of a child....

2007-10-28T10:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon, when everyone in the house was taking their afternoon siesta, I just walked out in my balcony and saw my 6 yr old cousin intently working on something. On a closer look I saw there was a broken plastic elliptical dish in front of him and he was moulding something with clay. I asked him what was he doing with a broken piece of plastic? He just looked at me and casually replied, 'I am making a boat.' If I, or any other adult in the house had come across it, it would have gone straight to the dust bin. But he created something so simple yet so beautiful out of that piece of junk.

I remembered another incident when one of my other cousin ( 12 yrs old) was just leaving for school one day and he suddenly called out to a third cousin, who is the same age, to look at something. She saw what he was pointing at and was like 'wow'. My uncle went to see what was happening and he could not see the object of their admiration. When asked my cousin said, 'we were just admiring the multicolored pattern that was being formed because of the sunlight falling through the glass window.' The point I am trying to make here is that my cousin could immediately understand what her brother was pointing at, but my uncle needed an explaination for it.

Children have such wonderful imaginations. I absolutely love sitting out with my cousins and listening to them trying to make out some patterns in the clouds. I wonder what happens to us when we grow up. I agree that we tend to be more rational and start thinking logically but why do we loose our imaginations at the same time? In fact I think letting our imaginations run wild is the best way to relax and take a break from everything that is bothering us. I am reminded of a dialogue form one of my favourite movies, Finding Neverland,

"Just a dog? Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's just a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock." Just."

I am just trying to say that wouldnt it be just great if we could all build our own Neverlands and visit it once a while? I am sure all the kids do it. They dont have a logical brain inside them telling them that it is all crap. They live in their own world of fantasies.

I have my own Neverland too and I love to go for a trip there. I can be anything or anyone I want and be with anyone I want. It is so peaceful out there. Just the thought of it clams down my mind and leaves me in a state of blissfull contentment.

Oh I wish I was Peter Pan and would have never grown up and could live in Neverland forever. But like they say 'If wishes were wings, pigs would fly.' Well I don't see any flying pigs around here so I guess it is not going to happen. But I can at least console myself by taking a trip to my Neverland.

Masks...

2007-10-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

I had a friend in college, she was famous in the entire college for her short temper. She had some panga with practically all the professors and even the students from neighbouring colleges. She would be upset by the tiniest thing. The other day I was having lunch with her and she got mad at someone for some reason. I as usual reprimanded her for loosing her temper. She looked at me and asked me, 'How in the world do you manage to keep your cool?' I had heard this n number of times earlier from all my friends in college. They would always try to upset or anger me in some way but always failed.

When I got back home, I was pondering over the matter. I tried to do some self-analysis in order to understand why don't I get mad over trivial matter. I didn't have to think for a long time. I realised the reason I am able to keep such a cool head is that I don't care for much for these things. And because I am so detached, I manage to keep my temper in check. In way it is good, but on the other hand doesn't it seem a bit cold? Ok I am not saying that I am like a sage detached from each and every thing in this world. Hell no, I am a normal human being. Well, ok this does not seem to be the appropriate reason.

I guess, I am still connected to everything that is important to me, but also at the same time wear a mask of nonchalance in order to protect myself from getting hurt. The other day I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner but at the last minute she called me and said that she could not make it. At that time I just shrugged it off saying it was no big deal, but it was. I didn't show that though. Each time I am faced with a situation which might make me look vulnerable, an invisible mask covers up my face and no one knows about the plethora of emotions raging inside me. There are times when my eyes betray me, not even the thickest disguise can cover that. But then luckily, no one has the time or patience to look deep into them and try to figure out what is really going on ( I am talking about friends and acquaintances here, can never ever fool my mom).

I just wish, someone would break through this wall once and try to read what is hidden behind it. Sometimes, what we see can be misleading.

Mars and Venus

2007-10-15T05:37:00.000-07:00

The other day a friend of mine read the article in which I described how I felt when I found out about how that guy cheated on my friend. He told me that I am too naïve and soft to be upset over such a small thing and that it is a regular occurrence with guys. We had quite a big argument over this. Is it really true? Am I really being naïve in thinking that there are some good people in this world who would never ever hurt anyone like this? Well actually I had kinda ignored that discussion till today.

My friend, whose heart that guy had broken, is recovering slowly. She started seeing this guy; there is nothing romantic between them apart from some flirting. She used to be so happy whenever she talked about him, and it felt good to know that she has found someone. Today, however, she told me that the other guy is acting funny too. He is ignoring her calls and messages. This took my mind back to my previous discussion / argument with my friend. I wonder if she is going to end up with a broken heart again. I hope not. Can the male species really be that heartless and cruel?

But then on the other hand, is it entirely the guys fault? I have heard so many of my friends complain so many times that their boyfriend is not giving them enough time. But then don’t they need a space of their own? Don’t they need to hang out with their own friends too? Ok I have never been on the other side so I am saying from pure theory here, but personally I cannot imagine being with the same person 24 * 7. I would go mad. I need my own space and I am sure the other person too. When I try to tell this to my friends I am greeted with dirty looks, so I just shut up. But then it doesn’t stop me from thinking it. Could it be that the girls themselves drive the guys away? I am not saying it happens in all the cases. Most of the times I know guys get bored and start looking for someone new and interesting. But I know one thing for sure, if someone was always clinging on to me I would back off immediately.

I may be a hopeless romantic, but I prefer being rational and thinking logically. Agreed that there are times you must listen to your heart, but that does not mean you should stop listening to your head completely. I just cannot imagine myself saying those mushy words to someone or even hearing them for that matter. I just wouldn’t have the patience. I like to get straight to the point. And then, I start to wonder if I am being too cold. Am I?

Love letter straight from the heart....

2007-10-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

To my dearest,
I tried to get you off my mind but crashed and burned. Why can’t you leave me alone? Why is it that every-time I think about you my eyes start to sparkle and my face breaks into a huge smile which refuses to leave me. I remember each word exchanged between us. I like who I am, when I am around you. We have talked about so many things, some silly some serious and meaningful yet they were all very special to me. You do not treat me any differently than your other friends yet I feel special. A simple hi from you makes my day.
I want you to hold me in your arms, look into my eyes and dance with me forever. Words are un-necessary; let our eyes do the talking.
I don’t know what you think about me, or do you even think about me at all. I would like to believe that one day you will come up to me and ask me to be yours forever and always, yet there is some voice in the corner of my heart that says that it is all a foolish dream and it will go away as soon as I open my eyes, that is why I keep them shut tight.
There have been many crushes in my life before. None of them worked out to anything, but it did not hurt. I always shrugged them off thinking to my self that maybe it wasn’t meant to be. But, it is different with you. Just the thought of not being with you brings a tear to my eye. People say that when you are around a person you love you get all hot and bothered and your heart starts beating faster and you get shy etc. etc. etc. It happened with all the others, not with you though. From the moment I first met you it seems like we have known each other our entire lives. Is it love? I know not. I have never felt this way before. I am so confused.
I would just like to end this by saying:

Late at night when all the world is sleeping

I'd stay up and think of you

And I'd wish on a star

That somewhere you are

thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight

Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be

Then here in my room,

Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me

And I wonder if you know I'm there

If you looked in my eyes

Would you see what's inside?

Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close But so far,

all I have are dreams of you So,

I wait for the day and the courage to say

How much I love you(Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight

Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be

Then here in my room,

Dreaming about you and me

Forever yours,

Dreamy.

PS. The above poem is asong 'Dreaming of you' by Selena

Another day in paradise

2007-10-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

A typical day in the life of a software engineer. I am saying this from personal experience and not from the numerous forwards that go around.

1) Log into the machine. Check if there are any important mails. Aaaargh your manager has scheduled a team meeting. That moron!! Does not have anything better to do.

2) Oh what is this!! A mail from the testing people. They have found some new bug. Damn looks like you are going to have some work today.

3) Go to cafeteria to linger over a cup of coffee.

4) Come back to the desk. Yipee there are some forwards......Boring you have already read them Yawn!

5) Ok better get to that bug. Oh wait someone is online. Lets just chat for a while.

6) Back to the bug, hey looks like this was not a problem after all. Screw you testers!!

7) Oh lunch time already. Damn no place in the cafeteria, oh well lets sit in the library and wait for a table to get empty.

8) Hey finally got a place. Yawn...feeling sleepy. Go for a walk.

9) Oh crap!! meeting!!! need to wake up.

10) In a dreamland while the manager is talking about some stuff. Wondering what he/she is doing now and hoping that they come online. Why is it that when you have nothing to do nobody is online???!!!???

11) Hey meeting over...finally!! Coffee break.

12) Staring blankly at the screen..Maybe if you concentrate hard enough you might be able to control it with your mind!! Worth a try isnt it??

13) Someone needs you help. SOME WORK!!!! FINALLY!!!!

14) Oh that was a minor issue. Glad you could help.

15) Hey what do you know. Time to leave.

Ctrl + Alt + Del + Enter

2007-09-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

There are some days when I dont have much to do in the office, maybe some minor things yeah, but not anything great.
Today was one such day. So I decided to go through one of my favourite blogs written by a friend of mine. In one of his entries he had given the perfect description of a person's reactions when confronted with someone they have some special feelings for. It took me back to a conversation both of us were having a couple of days back on a similar topic. About that feeling of discomfort when we come face to face with someone we have a 'crush' on.
Well I was just wondering, why is it that we feel so uncomfortable and start acting like complete idiots? I have been there too. Cant string a sentence together, your throat feels dry, your ears turn red etc. etc. etc. Shouldnt it be the exact opposite? Shouldnt it be like the first time you meet that person and it feels as if you have known each other for a lifetime? You should feel most comfy around them. I mean whats the point of being with someone who makes you feel awkward? But then I think I am getting confused between a 'crush' and 'love' or not!!!
But still it is wierd isnt it? You might have been friends with a person forever and you have had the best times with him/her. But the moment the feelings from your side or the other person's side get deeper things become difficult. Why? Neither of you have changed then where does the awkwardness come from?
I still remember my first crush in school. Damn the moment he came in front of me I could never think straight. I used to love to hang out with him, and we have had some great times together. But there were times when I behaved like a complete idiot around him. But now, now that he has someone in his life, I am so much at ease with him. I have not seen him for a long time now, but the last time I met him it was like meeting an old and a good friend. It felt good. I felt free. I have tried to analyse it so many times but always hit a blank wall. I just dont get it, probably never will.

Beyond the traditions....

2007-09-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

Our is a country famous for its deep rooted culture and age old traditions, which have been going on for centuries. We have come a long way but some things have not changed.

Today, people all around the country will be celebrating 'Ananth Chaturdashi' which marks the end of the 'Ganesh Chaturti' festival. It is the 11th and the final day of the festival. It is today, that all the Ganesh idols that people bring in their homes/societies at the beginning of Ganeshotsav are immersed in various water bodies. Many people perform this ritual earlier but by this day everyone immerses their idols. I had gone too. But as those people were immersing the idols in the water, all I could think of was how much dirt and grime they are putting in the river. Imagine hundreds and thousands of idols being drowned in the water. The soluble stuff will eventually become a part of the water and the rest will keep floating and might land up at some shore or maybe in some poor fish's stomach. Yeah yea this has been happening for a long time, but first of all in those days there were not so many idols and secondly people were not all that aware. But what about now? Can we really afford to pollute our rivers/lakes/seas this way? I am sure 80% of the people are doing it because this is the way it has always been. But dont they ever stop to think what are they doing to the environment? These days there are so many campaigns going on for protecting the environment. But does anyone really care? If they pass a law against it there will be a huge cry and lots of protests. But then change for the betterment is good right? I mean didnt they eventually ban parctices like sati and child marriage? I wish they would ban this too or at least restrict it! I guess in case of sati or child marriage people raised their voices because it was affecting them directly, but in this case they are not seeing the immediate effects of their actions. Aaaaargh I felt like shaking those people and asking them to wake up.

Diwali is also the same. In this we are polluting the air. Hey even I love those rockets which burst into bright colorful stars but at the same time I cant help but feel that pinch. I just cannot light fire crackers these days.

Oh damn it is there any solution to this!!!!

Some of my favourite proposals!!!

2007-09-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

"Look, I guarantee that we'll have tough times. And I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart, you're the only one for me." - The Runaway Bride

'What about my scholarship? What about Paris, which I've never seen in my whole goddamn life?

'What about our marriage?'

It was I who spoke those words, although for a split second I wasn't sure I really had.

'Who said anything about marriage?'

'Me. I'm saying it now.'

'You want to marry me?'

'Yes.' She tilted her head, did not smile, but merely inquired: 'Why?'

I looked her straight in the eye. 'Because,' I said.

'Oh,' she said. 'That's a very good reason.'- Love Story

'You know I was wonderin' like, what are you like doin' for the next er 40 to 50 years of your life?'

'What do you mean?'

'aah I was wonderin' if you wouldn't mind marrying me very much." - Rocky II

PS. There are all I could remember right now, I will keep adding as an when I find more ;)

Secrets

2007-09-19T08:58:00.000-07:00

I am sure every person has a secret of his/her own. There is no harm in that. I mean sometimes there are things you simply dont want to share with anyone and that is perfectly fine. But, sometimes, some serets can come in the way of your happiness. What do you do then? What should you do? Well I guess if I had the answer to this question I wouldnt be writing all this down here now would I ;).

I never really gave this much thought, but yesterday I finished reading a book "The Memory Keeper's Daughter". The central idea of this novel revolved around this man who does something and decides to hide his deed from his wife, from the world. But as time goes by, he is burdned by it. He takes this secret to his grave, but destroys so many lives in the way. He believed what he was doing was right, that he was protecting his wife and family from pain and grief, but does not realise that this deed of his was causing more pain than reducing it.

It is not very uncommon. So many people go through their lives weighed down by the heavy load they carry around in their hearts. It starts with a simple harmless looking lie but as time goes by this lie keeps getting stronger and stronger untill it forms a thick iron wall around you which no-one can penetrate, however hard they try.

I wonder what makes them behave this way. Is it fear of being rejected? Or being considered a looser? Or like in he above case they feel that they are doing some good when in reality they are not.

There are times when we come across some people in our lives who touch our hearts in a special way maybe as a friend or sometimes something more. Why cant well ever tell them how we feel about them? We wait for the other person to make the first move and sometimes this wait lasts forever. Instead we prefer carrying this secret buried deep in our hearts, where it slowly starts to cause pain. I wonder if some poeple really enjoy this kind of pain.

I guess it is all a bit difficult for me to understand because uptill now I have never come across some situation when I have had to keep something from someone. OK, I am not talking about personal secrets of friends, those things are never meant to be revealed. Apart from this I am an open book. But then again like I always say, this is a personal view. Each person is different right.

A glimpse into the fashion industry

2007-09-16T10:48:00.000-07:00

Today I had gone to this fashion extrvaganza by Pantaloons. A friend of mine was in charge of the PR for this event and he wanted some of us to come there. I went there with another friend of ours and after reaching we were searching around store for this guy. The stage was not set as yet and the models were not ready. As we were walking around one of the models came out and wanted to talk to the choregrapher about something. He just turned around and yelled at her "Who asked you to come out here?? Get back behind the screen!" I was shocked. Ok, I understand that the choreographer must be tensed and wanted his models to get ready on time, but still there is no need to treat them like animals. If anyone had spoken to me like that I would have walked out, there and then.

Dont these people have some pride of their own? Or they just have to swallow it up and go with the flow. But, how can they live with themselves? I do believe that one should not let the harsh words uttered by someone poison us. I remember my mom used to always tell me, "I know when someone says something to you, you are hurt, as if they have thrown a stone at you. When the stone is thrown it hurts for a moment, but after that it is upto you to either throw it away and get rid of the pain or keep it with you and keep hurting yourself over and over." But does this mean you let others mis-treat you? Are they so desparate for the fame? Well, I guess yes but is it worth it?

For some people glam and show biz is everything. They want their names on the silver screen. They live for it, it is their dream. But I wonder if they are really happy from the inside? Do they get up every morning, feeling refreshed after a good night's sleep, looking forward to the new day and the mysteries it holds for them? But then again this is how I feel about it. Its none of my business I know, was just pondering over it thats all.

God

2007-09-14T23:25:00.000-07:00

Before I start off, I just want to say that I respect all the religions equally and am not trying to hurt anyone's beliefs of sentiments. I would just like to express my views on this subject. I am not an atheist ( as most people think ). I truly belive that there is some supreme power above us, looking after us, giving us strength in the tough times, giving us joy, and just being there for us when we need him. But still there is a part of me which just cannot accept some things.

Let me give an example. The other day during lunch time my aunt realised that the dabbawala had not come to collect my cousin's lunch. It was too late for anyone to go and give it to them. She was so upset, she could not eat her lunch thinking that her children would be hungry in school. Now think about this. Whenever I see my aunts and grandma praying towards the end they always say "Twameva mata, pitah twameva, twameva bandhu, sakha twameva" ( you are my mother, you are my father, you are my partner, you are my best friend). And yet they have these customs of fasting for an entire day for various things. My aunt could not bear to eat her food when her kids were hungry, then what about God? Wont he feel anything when he sees his children are going hungry? As a kid I never had to beg in front of my parents if I wanted something. I just had to tell them and if they thoughts my demands were not very unreasonable they would get it for me. Then why does everyone beg and plead and make deals with God? "Oh God I will stay hungry for x number of days, please give me a good husband." or " God I will visit your temple everyday, please make me successful." He is probably the only one who loves us unconditionally. He doesnt want anything in return, other than love. People travel long distances to visit the places of worship. They go on teerthyatras in search of peace and salvation. How do they manage to get that in the midst of a huge crowd is still a mystery to me. They hardly get a glimpse of the idol but still think that their journey has been successfull. They bribe the priests to stay a little while longer in front of the idol. I feel its all for namesake these days.I wonder how many of these people truly belive in all this.

I cannot look for God in clay idols no matter how beautiful they are. When I am upset or tensed, I just close my eyes, imagine a source o light, strong and shining bright. I tell him "Dear God, this is what has been troubling me. I am not going to be worried over it. It is your headache please take care of it for me." And he does! When I am feeling sad, I tell him "I dont want to be sad, please take away my tears", and they disappear. He is my father, mother, brother, sister, my best friend.

But then again, these is my POV. Maybe I am right, maybe I am wrong. I dont know. I just do what my heart tells me to.

A tryst with nature

2007-09-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

Just the other day I was lamenting about my lack of interaction with mother nature and the opportunity landed in my lap yesterday . I had gone for an outing to Bhimashankar with my colleagues. The experience was out of this world. The beauty of nature never ceases to amaze me. We were walking up the hill, with cool breeze blowing around us and small streams of water beneath our feet. I think the sound of a flowing brook has to be the most soothing sound in the world. One can lie down for hours and listen to it. That's just what I felt like doing. The forest cover was so thick. We did not go inside the actual jungle, but the view! It is hard to explain in words. The hills were totally covered in the blanket of green. Sun rays were filtering through the clouds, which would sometimes cover it up completely.

For a moment I was actually worried that my lungs will not be able to stand the pure air for a long time, they are so used to breathing in the pollution everyday . But luckily for me, they survived. The best part came later though. After we had come down and everyone was just sitting around having a cup of tea, the clouds started rolling in. We were surrounded by a thick fog from all sides. There was no way I could sit inside the tea joint no matter how exhausted I was. I rushed outside, closed my eyes and just embraced the swirling mist. I was in heaven *sigh*, my own Neverland.

Cricket v/s Bollywood

2007-09-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

I think cricket and bollywood are the two things all Indians are really crazy about. Liking something is one thing but being totally fanatic about it?? I just cannot digest it. What is even worse is that the film stars are all treated like Gods and the cricketers, well if they win a match they are God and if they loose they are Dogs. What the hell is this? If India looses a match, people will throw stones at the player's homes, burn their effigies, take out protest rallies and who knows what not. And if we win then oh they will be the heros of the nation.
On the other hand what about the film stars? Now consider the Sanjay Dutt case or even the Salman Khan case that is going on. Sanjay Dutt was involved in the Mumbai bomb blasts which killed so many people. Salman Khan charged for killing wild animals and running over someone sleeping on the footpath. What these guys did ended in taking innocent lives. Yet, they seem to have the full support of the nation. People are praying for their release. Why? Just because they are huge stars? Does this justify their actions?
Hell, we loose a measly match and people take is as a personal insult! On the other hand, their countrymen are dying for no fault of their own and the offenders are walking free while the mass is upholding them. How can people be such hypocrites!

2007-09-02T07:45:00.000-07:00

I think I have said it a million times before. That I am a hopeless romantic and really believe in the "made for each other" kind of love. But today something happened which shattered my belief in it. Well to start off, in one of my earlier posts I had mentioned a guy, someone with whom I had fallen in love ( or thought I did ). Those days I was positively giddy about him. Heck I could not even string two words together whenever he came in front of me. But, after some time I realised that the feelings I had for him was just an attraction and nothing more. So after that we were just friends. I uses to think that he is a very cool guy. I was over him, but still respected him. He is funny, smart, used to treat me like lady. I felt good around him.

But today...today I found out what a total scumbag he is. I cannot go into the details as it is someone else's story. Someone whose heart was broken and crushed by him. When she asked him why all he could do was shrug and say "That's the way I am."

I was positively shocked to hear this. I admit that I am judging him based on only one side of the story, I dont know about him. But still, it does not give him any excuse to treat her like this. Ever since she has told me about this I cannot get it out of my head. In the evening I was just walking around the streets, trying to clear my head. I was actually walking in a trance.

You think you know someone, you trust him, and then you find out things like this and your world is upside down. Oh how I wish I could punch him and break his nose.

Practice what you preach...

2007-08-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

I cant count the number of times I have urged all my friends to think positively whenever they are feeling down. I usually follow that principle too, but sometimes I tend to forget my own advice. Yesterday was so frustrating. Because, I was stuck and stuck badly with my work. Was not getting anywhere. I felt totally crappy. But this morning when I woke up, I decided that I will not let anything get me down and will make some progress with my work. And I did!! I did not find the complete solution but yet felt like I was doing something, instead of just going to the office and wasting so much time and getting no-where ( I am glad that I didnt go into research ).
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is so easy to tell others what to do and how to behave, but we all tend to forget our own fundas sometimes. And usually these are the times when they are really needed. These are the times we need to remember to Practice what we preach.

Time

2007-08-25T06:25:00.000-07:00

The other day I was talking to my aunt and we started discussing how the time flies by these days. She said that when they were kids they used to have so much time on their hands and could do so many things. Now, the days just seem to fly by. Why? Its not like the earth has started spinning faster or the number of seconds in a day have reduced!! I feel it too. The weekdays go fast and the weekends even faster. All of us are always in such a rush to everything. I am included in that too. I mean even when I am walking around with a lot of free time in my hands I cannot seem to slow down for a moment and just enjoy my surroundings.

I am usually listening to music whenever I walk and am so engrossed in it that dont notice anything around me. Which is OK when the roads are full of traffic. But what about early mornings? Or the small lanes where there is not much traffic around? Why cant I just slow down for once and notice what is happening around me.

Today I was to meet a friend at the top of a hill. As usual I had my earphones plugged in and was humming along to the music. I reached midway and there was a sort of an open space and a cool, gentle breeze blowing. At tht moment I just stopped, I knew he was waiting for me on top but I had to wait and look around. At that moment I removed my earphones and put them in my pocket. At that time I felt that listening to artificial music at such moment would be an insult to nature. And that was the first moment I realised how I have stopped admiring the natural beauty all around me. I mean when I was in school I used to love to go for walks all by myself, or sometimes accompanied by my dog, and would just look around, stop at various places, take a deep breath, admire the new life budding all around me (esp in the monsoons) and move on.

24 hours were enough then, then why are they not enough now? But, now that I have realised it I make a pledge to myself, that I will slow down a bit from now and get back to what I used to be earlier. I just hope I am able to keep it.

I dont know who is the author of this poem. It came to me in a forwarded mail. But it captues whatever I am trying to say above:

SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day On the fly?

When you ask "How are you?"

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say "Hi"?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast

to get somewhere

You miss half the fun

of getting there.

When you worry and

hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over

Matters of the heart

2007-08-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

Mayank and Nisha had been married for 4 years. They had a one year old baby girl, Avanti. Theirs had been an arranged marriage. Their parents came together and decided that they would make a nice couple and soon they were tied in the bonds of holy matrimony. They had a smooth life. Then one day something happend which rocked their world forever. Mayank met Aparna.

She worked in the same office as his and had just moved to the city. She was all alone. Initially Mayank would just talk to her as she had no-one else to talk to. Slowly this casual accquaintance developed into deep friendship and this deep friendship turned into a beautiful, innocent love. They didnt mean for this to happen. But it did, and now there was no turning back. They started spending more and more time together and now they had become inseperable.

What should he do now? If he stays with Nisha and forgets about Aparna, then he will be denying himself the one shot at finding something which is so rare in this world, true love. And if he goes to Aparna, he will be abandoning his wife and kid whom he has promised to love and cherish for all of his life.

What is the right decision in this case? Is there even a right decision? Mayank had nothing to complain about in his married life. Yet, something was missing. Something which made him turn towards Aparna. I dont deny that it is infidelity. Having affairs with numerous women inspite of being married is definitely inexcusable. But, in this case what if Mayank had a chance of finding his soulmate in Aparna? Every one is searching for the love of their life, but very few of them actually find it. Someone once told me that it is ok to be a little selfish for your own happiness. But selfish to an extent that you end up hurting others?

One can argue both ways in this case, I mean we can say that if Mayank goes to Nisha and they both talk it over, it is possible that slowly he finds the same love in Nisha and soon gets over Aparna. Or on the other hand we can also assume that if he and Nish are seperated, then she too has a chance of finding her soulmate. But both these options have a down side too dont they?

I dont know the answer to this question? Does anyone?

You've got Mail

2007-08-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

This is one of my all time favourite movies. I can watch it N number of times and still not get bored. This movie introduced us to a totally different kind of romance ( I must admit at this point that I am a hopeless romantic ). Two strangers who dont even know each other's names, just start exchanging mails at random and slowly fall in love with each other. What is it about this form of communication? I think people ( some of them ) are more honest about their feelings and emotions when they are interacting online. Why is it so I am yet to understand. But it is true isnt it? When communicating through e-mails/ IM we talk about so many things we would not if we were face to face. And the element of anonymity adds to the charm.

But what I dont understand here is that why is it that people always look for romance in such cases? I mean if two people are interacting frequently via the internet why cant they just be friends? It has happened to me so many times. And this is the reason why I am a bit wary of talking to a complete stranger online. I am not saying I dont do it at all, I have some great online friends, but I am very choosy about it. I am sure one can feel a bit of an attraction towards a person when he/she has been corresponding for quite some time, but falling in love!!! I am a bit doubtful about that. But on the other hand if your wavelengths match and you click then why the hell not!!! Oh damn, it is all so confusing and complicated!!! Well, then again, if it wasnt complicated it wouldnt be so much fun now would it? ;)

Destiny

2007-08-11T01:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there is something we want very badly, but it seems that the more we try to obtain it the further it slips away from us. People generaly react to such situations in two ways: they get angry and frustrated and just give up or their determination becomes stronger and in the end they achieve what they want. And once they get it, the cherish it forever because they worked so hard ro reach there. There is a quote I once heard "Life answers our questions in 3 ways : It says yes and gives you whatever you want, It says no and gives you something better or It says wait and gives you the best." But do we have the time to wait? I dont think so. We are so used to getting instant results that we sometimes tend to forget that not everything in this world can be Maggie Noodles!! Hell even I, inspite of saying all this, get so damn impatient at times ( something which my best friend points out so gleefully ).

There is a time and place for everything and things will happen when they are meant to, not before it nor after it. And look at it this way. If everything was handed to us in a silver platter, would we appreciate it or enjoy it as much? I am sure not.

A man's best friend

2007-07-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

Dogs!!! I wonder what is it about them that draws us so much towards them. Is it the way they look at you with such soulful eyes? Or they way they come and rest their heads on your legs ( I just LOVE it when they do that ). I remember when I was studying for my tenth board exams. I used to sometimes stay up late, studying. Everyone else in the house used to be fast asleep. Times like these ( esp when you are studying), you tend to feel kinda lonely and it is scary. I used to make my dog sit with me and read out to him :D. I know the poor chap didnt understand a word I said, but to me it was very comforting. Some times, he comes with piece of cloth in his mouth and drops it at my feet. We then play "Dog and the bone" (or rather "Dog, human and the cloth" ) combined with "Tug of war".

I don't understand how can some people hate them!!! There are times when I get mad at my dog, but one look at him and all my anger just melts away. Ok, I know they can get messy sometimes, but so do kids right? All said and done I think they are worth all the mess. There used to be this add of Raymonds on TV where a guy comes home and is greeted with a hoard of puppies which are all over him. What I'd give to be in that guys shoes ;) .

Don't Hope.

2007-07-22T01:41:00.000-07:00

I know the title sounds strange. I mean everywhere we are asked to never give up hope. And I am saying "Dont hope". Read the story below and you will know why I am saying that:

Jim was waiting for his friend at the airport. The flight was a bit delayed so he was just looking around. There was a a beautiful lady sitting next to him. With her there were 3 kids ( he assumned hers). They all seemed to be waiting for someone. The young one in her lap seemed to be getting restless. He thought of going there and striking a conversation when suddenly the other 2 kids jumped up and rushed to someone. He turned and saw a tall man walking towards them with a huge smile on his face. He picked up his kids and hugged then fiercely. The toddler in the lady's lap was now getting really antsy. So the man came and plucked him from his mothers lap and held him close. The baby calmed down instantly. He was happy to be in his daddy's arms. The the man handed over the kid to the oldest child and looked at his wife as if he had never seen someone as beautiful as her. Said out loud, " I was saving the best for the last my dear". He went upto her and gave her a lingering kiss. Jim knew it was rude but he could not stop staring at the obvious love that was shared by the members of this family. Before he could stop himself he went upto the man and asked him "How long have you been away?". The man while looking adoringly at his family replied "Two whole days!!!". Jim was taken aback. Two days!!!! They were acting as if he had been away for years. He asked again "How long have you been married?". The man, looked down on his wife and said "Been together for 12 yrs and been married for 10 of those." Jim said, more to himself than to the man, "Wow, I hope that after 10 yrs my marriage is as beautiful as yours". The man who had just started moving away, turned back looked at Jim straight in the eyes, with an intensity that burned through his soud, and said "Don't hope my friend, decide!" With this he walked away with his family.

This got me thinking. There are so many times when we say "Oh I hope I am able to complete this assignment by today" or "I hope I get through the day without getting mad at someone". We just hope for it and expect that someone else will come and make these things happen. What we dont realise that no one is going to come and hand these things to us in a silver platter. We have to do it ourselves. If we want our assignment to be completed by today, then we have to work hard on it. If we want to spend our entire day without yelling at someone then we have to keep calm. We have to decide what we want and we have to decide how are we going to get it.

When we talk about hope, we talk about things that are not in our control. We can hope that one day the world will be a better place, free of terror and war or that it does not rain today. There is nothing we can do prevent such things from happening.

What I am trying to say is that we should know when to hope and when to make a firm decision about things we want. So, for all those things that are in our hands ,"Don't hope my friend Decide".

2007-07-21T10:27:00.000-07:00

A friend mine asked me yesterday and I quote "why do you care so much about people judging you?" That really got me thinking. He immediately apologised for asking me this, but I dont think he needed to. I guess at a subconscious level I always knew that there are times when I think a lot about what the others think about me, but when he said it directly, it was like a bolt from the blue. I think when someone else tells you about something it seems more concrete. We tend to usually ignore our inner voices when it is telling us about something that we are doing wrong. But when a friend or a relative or even a perfect stranger for that matter says the same thing, we cannot go on ignoring it. We think that it is about time we changed ourselves.

Ok, coming back to the main topic, why is it that we ( ok me ) care so much about what the people think about us? I guess there is this innate need in all of us, the need to be accepted. We often judge others, hence we care about being judged ourselves.

Coincidently the "Mind over Matters" section, of today's TOI talked about a similar issue. It was about people who want to play safe most of their lives. They want to live in their comfort zones always. Then there are those who dare to be different. Who break away from their comfort zones into unexplored territories. These people are spend most of their lives alone. They may be surounded by people all their lives, but there are very few who understand them. They want to live their lives, their own way and dont care about what the others think of them. These are the kind of people who really matter. Why? Simply because they had the courage to go against the tide.

Take Howard Roark for example ( for those who dont know, Howard Roark is the hero of one of the most famous books in history, The Fountainhead ). He was a brilliant architect but he did not follow the the rules of architecture taught to them in the school. He did things his own way. He did not listen to others. He did what his heart bid him to. And for this reason he was despised and loathed by people all around him. But, there were a few who understood why is he behaving the way he is. And they were his true friends. They were the ones who stuck by him through thick and thin.

Then you realise, does it really matter if you have loads and loads of friends? Or, can you really call such people your friends? Friends are those who accept you for who you are, not who you pretend to be in front of them. These are the people who really matter. Why should we care about the others? If Howard had follows the rules of the society, nothing could have stopped him from being rich and famous. But would it have made him happy? I think not. He chose his happiness over everything. After all in the end that's all that really means something isnt it?

I would like to end with a quote or rather an oath from Atlus Shrugged, which is like a sequel to The Fountainhead:

“I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”

I wonder if we can really follow it though ;).

Honk Honk!!! Side Please

2007-07-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

I absolutly hate to go out on the road on my bike. I would prefer walking ( if the distance is not too great) or take an auto. But just the thought of going out anywhere on my bike , in such traffic gives me goosebumps. I mean, the rush on the road to absolutly crazy!! It's like people do not have time at all. There wil be cars and bikes and all sorts of vehicle zooming around you, breaking all the possible traffic rules, like their pants are on fire. Hell, sometimes even on a traffic signal, if the cars in the front are waiting at the red light, there will be other people who will be honking continuously to make them move. Don't they understand that no matter what, the cars up ahead are not going to move until the light turns green? Don't their ear drums burst with so much constant, irritating noise? Why is there so much rush to reach their destination. If you are getting late, then you should have left earlier. I read a quote once "It is better to be 5 minutes late in this world then to be too early in the next". How true is that.

Ironically on the other hand, when there is some kind of an accident on the road the people around seem to have all the time in the world!! Everyone will just gather around to watch the fight or to see what is going on. Damn guys there is no show going on out there. I really hate this. They will not move an inch to help the person, all they want to do is gawk. Even when I am going to office in the bus, if there is some kind of accident or some fight going on, on the road, the people in my bus will crane their necks to see what is going on. What kind of sadastic pleasure poeple get in such things is something I will never understand. A couple of weeks ago a 10th std girl here met with an accident while going to her class in the morning. Instead of helping her and taking her to the hospital, the people were busy fighting with the person who caused the accident. The poor girl died there on the spot. If someone had had a little common sense and taken her immediately to the ER she could have been saved. But then the person taking her would have missed the exciting fight!! How could he do that?

I wonder sometimes, if this is the level of thinking in the people, can we ever even hope to become a developed nation?

Laws of Attraction

2007-07-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what attracts a person to another. People say that 'opposites attract'. As far as laws of magnetism and physics go sure no arguing with that point. But what about when relationships are concerned? Does this hold true always?

To support this theory I guess one can say that people usually are looking for someone who is totally unlike them, so that they can fill in the gaps in their personalities and complete them ( and vice versa of course). There have been so many times you come across people saying "I dont know what she/he saw in the other person. They are so unlike each other". And yet, they are totally content with each other.

Then there are times when you come across a person who so much similar to you and seeing the similarities you are attracted to him/her. It is because you know you can be at the same level as that person. Because you share common interests, and hobbies you have some things to do together which you both like. Someone who understands you because they know what it is like.

I guess it varies from person to person. We dont know what is it that we are looking for. You cannot help who you fall in love with right? There is more of chemistry at play here than physics.

Down in the dumps!!!

2007-07-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

I have mentioned so many times in my earlier posts that whenever I feel low I think of things that make me happy and my mood immediately uplifts. But today it didnt help, didnt help at all. My day started normally, I got up got ready and went to office. For a past few days I had been slacking off on the work front **sheepish grin ** but today I had decided that I will not let anything distract me. And it worked. I paid attention to my work and got quite a lot done!!! Yet, for some reason I was not happy. I felt like screaming on the top of my voice and crying at the same time. Till now I have not been able to figure out what could be the reason of this trumoil of emotions going on inside of me. I tried everything I could to come out of it but no avail. I just cannot understand it. I mean there was no reason for me to be so low. It is really wierd. I was nearly at my wits end when as a last resort I started talking to this friend of mine. He is my best friend in the whole world. He is the one person who knows me better than I know myself. I told him about what I was going through and he understood that something was wrong. He spoke to me for a long time. Cheering me up. And that really made all the difference. It is really amazing what a presence of a good friend can do in your life. Someone you know will always be there with you no matter what. We dont talk to each other that often as we are both pretty busy. But I know if I need him all I have to do is ping him or call him and he is there.

Growing up

2007-07-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

When we are young all we want is to grow up so that we can do so many things that we are not allowed to do as kids. But there are people who never grow up no matter how old they become. There is no harm in keeping a child alive inside of you no matter what. But, there has to be a limit for it. I dont think there is any harm in behaving like kids sometimes, but there are times when you need to be a little mature. I work in a software company, which happens to be an MNC. A couple of days ago we had our quaterly party in a 5 star hotel. The entire group consisted of well educated people, all of them above 22 years of age and earning a good salary. But I have never seen a bigger bunch of kids. Some colleagues had put up some skits for the entertainment, for which they worked really hard. But when they were performing on the stage, there was so much heckling from the crowd that it was difficult for them to continue. There were unlimited drinks at the bar. People freaked out on them. I dont think there is anything wrong with having a drink or two but just because your office is paying for it does not mean you have to get yourself drunk and make a fool of yourself. Around 5 people had passed out due to too much alcohol.

If it was some college party I would probably expect it but this was a corporate party for heaven's sake!! One would expect some degree of maturity and responsibility from everyone. Like someone once said "With great power comes big responsibilities". I wonder when will people really understand it and will be able to implement it in their own lives.

One of my favourite short stories!!!

2007-07-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed:"Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over -- 5 crore children start playing tennis, 50 lakh learn to play tennis, 5 lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?". And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"

Crazy Families.......

2007-06-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

Family. In the English dictionay this word is defined as "a domestic group of people, or a number of domestic groups linked through descent" . But in reality this word means a LOT. Take my family for example. Sometimes they can drive me absolutly crazy. My grandmother has to always repeat everything a million times till she is assured that I have understood what she is trying to say. I am 22, but I am treated like a 5 yr old kid who cannot take care of herself. If I come home after getting wet in the rain she will start instructing me, on the top of her voice, to change my clothes and dry myself ( gee I wouldnt have known to do so otherwise !!!). When we are sitting at the dining table, she has to go around the table serving everyone even though all of us are pretty capable of using our own hands to serve ourselves. They have to know everything where I am and with whom. These are the times when I feel I could scream and ask them all to leave me alone.

But then I look at some other families. Where parents, inspite of being well off and educated, still beat their children if they have done something wrong. My parents have NEVER raised their hand on me. No matter what I did. They would scold me but hit me never. These are the times I think I am so lucky. Also, the only reason they are asking so many questions and annoying the hell out of me is for a simple reason. They love me. We may not understand each other all the times but one thing is understood loud and clear. My family loves me. No matter what I do, I know they will be there for me and I am blessed to have them in my life.

Good Days Bad Days

2007-06-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

What do people mean when they say 'Oh I have had a really bad day today' or 'Wow this was the best day of my life!!!' ? How can we classify days as good or bad? Days are just days. It is upto us if we interpret them as good or bad.

I think every day we wake up in the morning, refreshed after a good night's sleep breathing the fresh morning air is a good day ( Here I go classifying myself!!!!). What I mean to say is that does it matter if our boss yelled at us or the project did not go as planned or we find out the special person whom we have liked for so long is in love with someone else??? Just because things didnt go the way we planned or the way we wanted them to be we put the blame on the poor day. Why cant we look at it as a learning experience which teaches us something new every time we make a mistake?

Oh there are times when even I am blue by the end of the day. But then I start thinking about the good things in my life and my mood instantly brightens up from the inside. It is all a matter of perspective. Like the famous song from 'The Sound of Music Goes'

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,

When I am feeling sad.

I simply remember my favourite things,

And then I dont feel, so bad.

That is what I do when something gets me down. It works!!!!!

I think another thing that can help you is talking about it with your friends. Works like a charm everytime. It does not mean that you have to talk to them about what is getting you down. Sometimes you can talk about anything and everything under the sun and still feel better.

I guess what I have been saying all this while is that no matter what happens the power of letting it get us or making the best of it is in our hands. It is our choice. We can choose to be either intimidated or inspired.

Our fate's are already written by someone up above. There is nothing we can do to change it. If we waste our present living in the past then we will ruin our future.

Horoscopes

2007-06-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

How many of us open the newspaper everyday and take a look at the Daily Horoscopes column? I am sure almost everyone would deny that they do any such thing. They will say that they dont believe in it, but, somewhere inside there is a part of them which thinks 'What if it is all true?', 'What if it really works?' . I guess the reason why this 'Fortune telling' is getting so famous these days is because people are impatient. They dont want to live in the present. They want to know what will be their fate probably 10 yrs down the line or even till the end of the day. What I dont understand is that why cant they just let it be? Life has so many surprises in store for us. Why cant they let it unravel it as the time goes by? What is the fun in living if you know what is going to happen to you in the next moment?

And it is not just for the future that people look into them. People look into the love compatibility issues. I bet if they spent half as much time (which they spend on going to various fortune tellers and gypsies) spending some quality time with their partner, they would have a happy, successful relationship.
I believe all our fates are already decided and there is nothing we can do to change it. So instead of finding out what is going to happen to us and how can we avoid the unfavourable circumstances that we might come across we should live in the moment. Enjoy every day like it is the last. What we dont know cannot hurt us right? ;)

Like he lyrics of the song "The dance" by Garth Brooks go:
And now I am glad I didn't know,
The way it all would end, the way it all would go,
Our lives, are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd had to miss the dance.

Somewhere my love.....

2007-06-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

Love...there can be so many ways in which this 4 letter word can be defined...i think this must be the only word in the English dictionary which does not have a proper definition...that is because love is not defined by boundaries, religon, caste, well these days even sex.

So what is love? This is an eternal question which has answered by many scholars in different manner. Personally I am in love with love. Wierd I know, but then who isn't right? For the first time in my life ( I thinkl!!) I have truly, madly, deeply fallen in love. *SIGH* yes I am in love.

I dont know if he loves me, hell I dont even know if he even thinks about me. But I know one thing is for sure. Ever since I have realised my feelings for him I have been really happy. I am singing almost all the time. Feel like getting up and just dancing like no one is watching. Nothing in this world can upset me or make me sad. I wonder if this is the case when the feelings are just one-sided what will happen if we start going out!!!!!! Sometimes when I used to see my friend having problems with their boy-friends I used think 'wow I am so lucky I am single'!! But now I know. I think now that it is worth it. Worth every tear every heartache.

Sometimes I wonder how will I feel if I find out that he is in love with someone else. Then I realise yes, it will hurt me. I will feel the pain but in some corner of my heart I know Love is not always about who you want but also knowing that you are capable of giving your heart to someone with all that you have.

It might get crushed sometimes, some other times it may get trampled upon and at other times it will get shattred into tiny pieces. But there will come a time when it will come into the hands of a person who will cherish it with all he has. Who will make sure that no one ever hurts it. And when that time comes, it will heal all the hurt and pain of the past.......

My Love

2007-06-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

Everytime I close my eyes I see you my sweet,
Your face is hazy, its not clear,
So I wait patiently for the day we will meet,
And I will hold you close to me my dear.